Page 19 of Always Him

FINN

“My baby brothershould be here soon,” my new friend, Logan, says. He smiles at me, a goofy crooked smile, and runs a hand through his curly hair. He’s big for an eighth grader, bigger than me, although not by much. He told me he’s on the swim team and I wonder for a moment if I should join. I don’t really know the different strokes all that well, but we live in a neighborhood that has a community pool. I could learn. “We can’t leave until he shows up. He’d kill us if he had to walk home alone.”

I lean back against the wall of the school and glance around. New school. New friends. Thank god my dad finally landed a good job here. It’s one I hope he keeps. I’m so tired of moving from place to place. I’m only fourteen and I’m fucking tired.

“Ah, there he is,” Logan says and pushes away from the wall. My eyes travel across the lawn to where a slender kid makes his way toward us. He’s wearing skinny jeans and a black t-shirt a couple sizes too big for him.

“That’s Landon,” Logan says and waves at me to follow him. I just met Logan today, but he’s already told me his brother is a year younger than me and in the grade below us. I know that he and Logan are very close; I can tell by how Logan talks about him.

I follow tentatively, watching as Logan’s brother approaches us. I’ve always hated meeting new people—having to make new friends—but with a dad that moves around as much as mine, it’s an inevitable and inescapable part of my life.

“Hey, little bro!” Logan shouts and Landon smiles widely as we come to a stop in front of him. “You took your damn time.”

Landon laughs a little and my entire body thrums as I take him in. He’s a couple inches shorter than me, and has a slender torso and shoulder-length light brown hair. It’s not as curly as his brothers, but wavy. And then my eyes move to his face, and butterflies erupt in my stomach.

Fuck.

“I want you to meet my new friend. Landon, this is Finn Ledger. Finn, my brother Landon.”

Landon’s smile widens as he turns to me and my heart thumps awkwardly in my chest, my breath coming out a little stuttered. What the fuck is wrong with me?

“Hi, Finn. Great to meet you,” Landon says and gives me a small wave.

The way he says my name makes goosebumps break out on my skin and I feel my cheeks start to warm.

“Hi,” I manage to say, realizing I need to appear normal. I’m not going to be fucking weird about this. I’ve just made some new friends. I don’t need to scare them away by being the weirdo new kid. I mean, Iamthe weirdo new kid, but no one else needs to know that.

“You new here?” Landon asks, adjusting his backpack on his slim shoulders.

“Yeah,” I croak out.

“Cool, you walking home with us?”

“Yeah, he lives just a block over,” Logan answers for me. Thank god. I’ve lost the ability to make conversation.

“Nice. Let’s go. I’m starving.”

Logan wraps his arm around Landon’s shoulders and I just eye the way they lean into each other. I’ve never had siblings. It’s always been just me and my dad, a distant man who mainly keeps to himself. I can’t even remember the last time he gave me a hug. So this open affection Landon and Logan are showing is so foreign to me.

“You coming?” Landon asks, peering over his shoulder at me. And that’s when I realize I haven’t moved. I’m just standing awkwardly, watching as they walk away.

Landon holds out his hand toward me and I stare at it.

Shaking myself into action, I take a few steps toward him and slip my hand into his.

Landon’s eyes widen, probably because he didn’t expect me to do this, and for a moment I’m mortified because of course he doesn’t want to hold another dude’s hand. We’re in middle school. That’s not something we do.

My cheeks flame as I attempt to pull my hand away, but his grip on me tightens and I feel my chest constrict again.

“It’s okay. It doesn’t have to be weird,” he tells me softly. I stare down at our interlocked hands, his so much smaller than mine, and then I meet his eyes. They’re so fucking pretty. Hazel with flecks of green. His freckled nose scrunches and my knees grow weak.

“Okay,” I say, clearing my throat.

“We’re very affectionate in this family. Tons of hugs,” he explains. “Just wait till you meet our dad.”

Logan musses his brother’s hair and smacks a kiss on his cheek. “Hell yeah. Nothing wrong with it. It’s a natural way to show you care.”

“Yeah, that’snothow we do things in my family,” I mutter.

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