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Finn sighs at my dad’s antics and then presses his lips to the skin of my neck. And just like that, all of my focus is back on him. Always on him.
“I can shut him down, if you want,” Finn says softly. “If you don’t want us showing up looking like the Merry Men, let me know ASAP.”
“But he’s so happy,” I say.
“Yes, well, it’syourbirthday. You just tell me what to do.”
I arch my neck a little more and he drags his mouth across it, causing my skin to break out in goosebumps.
“Please tell me there will be drinking after all of these activities. I think we’ll need it,” my mom says and all eyes are back on us.
“Yeah, at one of the local vineyards,” Finn replies, resting his chin on my shoulder. “Because you only turn twenty-one once…”
“I love it,” I tell him, and he pulls me closer to him, his arms tightening around me.
“Good. I want it to be perfect.”
“It is. It already is.”
And when we make it home later that night, I make sure to show him how much I mean what I said.
And I do it all on my knees.
twenty-four
TWO YEARS AGO
FINN
As expected,Landon decided on UC Santa Cruz. He was offered a scholarship to join the track team and he’s majoring in human biology like he’d always planned to. I’m happy for him, I really am. He has everything he’s ever wanted, but the separation between the two of us is palpable.
I feel the absence of him each and every day. It’s been two years since I went off to UC Berkeley and seeing him on the weekends, holidays, and over the summer is never enough. I want to see him every day, to wake up knowing he’s close. I cannot wait until I graduate so I can move closer to him.
Even if we don’t live together, just knowing he’s near makes breathing easier.
I should try and occupy my time while away at school, to take my mind off of him. For a moment, just the briefest of seconds, I thought I’d try and date, but I gave that up almost immediately.
Nothing felt right. Nobody felt likehim.
No one could ever measure up to who he is.
And it just wouldn’t be fair to compare someone else to him.
Even if I can never have Landon, I’d rather be alone and just enjoy the parts of him he gives me.
This weekend I’m driving to see Landon. I just can’t stay away. Last weekend we had a water polo game and I about died knowing I’d be missing him. So this weekend, I told Logan I was going home and now I’m almost there. Ten more minutes. God, it’s ten minutes too long.
My foot presses down on the pedal, my car rocketing forward. If I go faster, I can make it there in eight minutes. I just want to see him, to touch him.
It’s all I’ll ever get, but it’s enough. It will always be enough.
It has to be.
As soon as I’m on the Santa Cruz campus, I’m jogging toward his class. I know exactly where he is. He told me and I remembered. I’ll always remember.
The second he steps out of his class, his eyes land on me and he runs toward me, his smile wide, his eyes shining with excitement.
“Finn!” he says, that voice of his sending shivers through me.
