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“Once,” I said. “I only ever see you in work clothes.”
“I promise you, I do have clothes that I don’t wear to work. I’ve got a whole wardrobe that you’ve never seen.”
“Well, some of us don’t have that many clothes, or fashion sense,” I said, and she laughed. “Sadie does her best with me, but I’m going to choose comfort every time. When the twins were babies, I don’t think I wore anything but yoga pants and shorts. And I had to bring multiple outfits because one of them was always spitting up or making a mess all over me.”
“You really love them,” Honor said.
“Yeah, I do. I know they’re not mine, but I know I’m part of their family and always will be. No matter what happens in the future.” Ugh, I didn’t like talking about that part.
“What’s that face?” Honor asked.
“Oh, I just don’t like thinking about what’s going to happen when the girls are old enough to not need me anymore. Scares the shit out of me.”
I didn’t know why I was telling her this. “They’ve been my life for over ten years, and I can’t imagine waking up every day and not making them breakfast and getting them off to school and making sure their rooms are clean.”
I shuddered.
“Fuck,” I said, feeling tears prick at the corners of my eyes.
“Mark would never get rid of you,” she said.
“Oh, I know he might keep me on as a housekeeper, but I don’t know if that would be enough, you know? I just… I took this job at a time when I needed it and I never expected to fall in love with the family and work for them so long. I’m supposed to have plans and ambitions and I have nothing!”
I threw my hands up in the air.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to just dump that on you,” I said, feeling my face getting red.
Honor nodded. “It’s okay. I don’t mind.”
“You don’t?” I asked, skeptical.
“It’s nice to have someone to talk to,” she said.
“Right now, I’m the only one who’s doing the talking. What have you been holding onto that you want to get off your chest?” Maybe me opening up would have the same effect on her?
My eyes automatically looked down at said chest. It was a very nice one, I had to admit.
“Is this just a ploy to talk about my chest?” Honor asked, and I hurriedly moved my eyes back up to her face.
“Not intentionally,” I said. “But stop changing the subject. You talk to people like you’re dodging bullets.”
Honor’s lips thinned.
“It’s not my fault that I’ve had to dodge a lot of conversational bullets in my life.”
I waved my hand for her to elaborate. “Such as?”
Honor sat back and regarded me. “You should know that I don’t trust people.”
Shocking.
“Yeah, I can kind of tell. You’re not exactly the warmest person, Honor.”
“I know what people call me. I know you think I’m an ice-cold bitch. I know you think I’m mean. I know you think I’m a gold-digger. None of those things is news to me.”
“I figured.”
“I’m not going to apologize for who I am and who I’ve become. A lot of my choices about who I am now were taken away from me.”
