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“I’m not sick, Jovak. I’m throwing up every morning because I have morning sickness.”
“Of course, you’re sick every morning. That’s why I want to take you to the shamans!”
I roll my eyes and groan.
“Damn it, Jovak, why does everything with you have to feel like going around in circles?”
Jovak seized my arms and pulled me in close to him. I can feel his heart beating like thunder. His eyes are swimming with deep meaning, limitless pools roiling with passion.
“How’s this for being direct? I love you, Paige. I wish for us to end this charade of being false mates and be real mates instead.”
My mouth gaped open, and my heart stopped beating for a moment. When it starts up again, it’s with one monstrous thud followed by a rapid staccato that leaves me feeling breathless and dizzy. He loves me. I should tell him how I feel.
Instead, what comes out of my mouth is as unplanned as it is inappropriate, given the circumstances.
“I’m pregnant, Jovak.”
His mouth falls open, and his head shakes from side to side.
“But that cannot be.”
“Oh, I rather think it can,” I scoff. “We’ve been going at it like rabbits since we started this whole fake mate thing. Which, now that I think about it, has been totally unfair to you. You obviously developed real feelings for me a long time ago.”
“I developed real feelings, yes,” he says. “And so have you.”
I open my mouth to deny it, but nothing comes out. Because I don’t want to lie to him, just like before.
But when we had this conversation before, I didn’t respond because I honestly didn’t know how I felt. Now, though, I can’t deny what he’s saying because that would be a lie.
My silence is as telling as anything.
“Jovak,” I say softly, “what is it that you want from me? I live with you, I tell you everything, I risked my life to come and find you when you disappeared, I sleep with you ….”
I shake my head as tears well up in my eyes.
“What else is that? What else can you call it but love?”
He put his hand on my cheek, and my eyes closed on reflex. I so love the way it feels when he touches me. Why is it so hard to admit that out loud?
“If that’s true, then why can’t you say it?”
“Because once I say it out loud, then it becomes real, Jovak. It becomes real, and I have to deal with everything that means.”
“Like what?” he demands.
“Like the fact that if you have something, it can be taken away from you.”
There, I said it. The words came out of my mouth, and the fear shivered through me like a chill wind.
“I don’t want to lose you, Jovak, the way I lost my grandpa and everything else I ever cared about except for Laney. And then it looked like I was going to lose her too, and my life, and then you showed up. Like a knight in a shining, uh, loincloth, and ever since then, you’ve been almost too good to be true, and I guess I don’t trust that.”
I’m rambling on like crazy. The tears are flowing, but not in racking sobs. Just silent tears were drifting down my face, punctuated by the occasional sniffle.
“So you want me to say it out loud, so the universe can take notice and then take you away from me? I’m not falling into that trap.”
“Paige, my love.” He took my hand in both of his and squeezed warmly. I so want to let him comfort me, but part of me refuses to budge. I keep my inner self taut as a bowstring. “Don’t you see? The real trap is thinking that way. That everything you have might be taken at any time. How can you ever experience real joy with that hanging over you like a dark cloud?”
“Well, now I’m pregnant, Jovak. How does all of that fit into it?”
