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“It’s going to be okay,” she said.
But I wasn’t sure of this.
At all.
Chapter 19
Nikki
I had become friendly with one of the other nannies.
Her name wasBeth and she was tall and quite striking with unwavering blue eyes and long, blonde hair that she always wore in a thick plait down her back. She minded twin girls for an orthopedic surgeon and his chartered accountant wife. Zoë had befriended Cyan and Cerise and Beth often invited us over for playdates in the afternoons.
While the kids drew pictures or played with clay, we would drink tea and chat.
I learned that Beth had grown up in a strict religious community in the south and that when she was eighteen, she ran away from home to avoid marriage to a boy that had been chosen for her.
“He wasn’t even all that bad,” she said. “At least he had all his teeth and a nice head of hair. My sister had to marry a man who was so fat he needed her help to get him to the bathroom. He had a good business, but still. I liked him, a little, you know, to talk to and so on. But we would have had to move in with his parents on the farm, and I’d be expected to clean and cook in the house, and the thought of washing Mrs. Behrend’s undergarments were one too many.”
She told me of the dreams she had in which she was hanging up the laundry to dry on the line and how the brassieres and panties would start folding around her, winding tighter until she couldn’t breathe.
“Talk about a tight fit!” I said and she laughed.
“Always wanted to come to the Big Apple, ever since I was a little girl,” she said. She was saving all her money for college.
I told her about my experience with the fortune teller and she quoted from the Bible to me about how fortune tellers and those who interpreted omens, or were sorcerers and charmers were considered an abomination to the Lord.
“Of course, my grandmother always said she could see into the future, and this was called a gift from God, so I don’t know.”
Beth said her grandmother had been married five times. Four of her husbands had died and the last one, whom she’d loved the least, had gone on living despite getting cancer and having a heart attack.
I loved talking to Beth. It was like she was from a different era. Even though she was no longer a part of her community, their values and belief system had been imprinted deeply on her. Everything was about right and wrong with her.
When I told her about Jade and Will and Zoë and how it had now become a regular thing for the little girl to see her mother, Beth nodded and said it was a good thing. If the sinner repents and so on. But it was hard for me to see how Will was becoming more relaxed around Jade. She had learned more about being with Zoë and now took her for milkshakes not organic smoothies. Whenever she dropped Zoë off at home, she looked happier.
Zoë no longer wanted me to tuck her in at night, she often asked why Jade couldn’t do it.
Even though I wasn’t her mother, Zoë’s words hurt my feelings.
“Sounds like she wants to be in Zoë’s life again,” Beth said. “I would look for another job.”
I couldn’t tell Beth that Will and I were together, I knew she would disapprove, and it was hard to justify the relationship apart from the fact that we made each other happy. But lately, I’d noticed he was becoming impatient with me. When we went shopping together, I took too long in the aisles; in restaurants, I stared at the menu for too long.
One Saturday morning, when Zoë was getting ready to go out with her mother, Jade came early and waited in the kitchen. She was more confident now, sure of herself. She was finding her own apartment and was talking about getting Zoë over for a sleepover. So far, Will had been pretending to go along with it.
Then, that day, while we waited for Zoë she said in the middle of nowhere,
“Or I could move in here?”
“What do you mean?”
“You have extra rooms here. Although, I guess, you could move too. Once I’m living here, we may not need your help anymore.”
I didn’t mention this conversation to Will.
I didn’t know how.
Zoë was so much happier with Jade in her life. She was always talking about her mother and how Jade had bought her new clothes and was taking her to the movies. She spoke of her grandparents’ house outside of the city, describing a kind of palace with butlers and maids and wrought iron gates that creaked in the night. I knew that Jade came from a wealthy and messed up family and I wasn’t sure that exposing Zoë to all that was a good thing. Will had created a happy, stable home and Zoë was doing well in this environment. But the longer I knew Jade, the more uncomfortable she made me. I didn’t trust her, and I thought she was trying to push me out of Zoë and Will’s life.
