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‘Not here.’ I snatched the champagne bottle from his hands and ran towards the balcony.
The instant I pushed the doors open, the cold air hit me, awakening a cruel reality. The passion was flushed away with that slightest of breezes. It was only the pain that remained.
It was just a matter of time before he would need to break me again to fix himself. And I was about to put an end to that cycle of misery.
The sound of my laughter accompanied my steps. It wasn’t even fake. It was pure insanity that needed to be pushed to the extreme.
‘Come, I want to do it here,’ I called out to him as my bare feet were leaving dark traces on the frosted pavement.
‘Bea, get back inside. It’s freezing cold.’ He hurried through the door, pushing it further ajar.
I knew it wasn’t the cold he was worried about. He was worried about not being in control anymore.
And I was to prove him right. ‘Since when do youcare?’ I shared a truth that had me in pain for so long. It wasn’t his darkness or his vile thoughts that were hurting me. It was the acknowledgment that he was willing to sacrifice me for a mere moment of sick happiness.
Placing my bottle on the ledge, I drove my feet to follow, becoming a tight rope walker exactly where he wanted me— at the border between life and death.
Ferris froze on the spot, visibly clenching his jaw as the image sank into his system. ‘Bea, get down from there!’ His voice was not as menacing as it should be, just spiked with a hint of fear.
‘No. Come up here and have me.’ I was only fulfilling one of his fantasies, after all. It was he who initially wanted to take me on the edge of the world.
As I took a step further, I felt the shirt on my back slipping over my arms. I just let it fall along with the bottle, watching the cloth fly like a white bird in the dark sky. It was sublime and mesmerizing, shadowing its beauty only with the horror encrypted on Ferris’s face.
Strangely, the abyss didn’t affect me as badly as I initially thought. The idea of being set free was blossoming in my mind, along with the thought that I needed just one step to do that. Maybe it was me who was truly the insane one. I felt no fear any longer as if I was willing to let destiny take its course and decide whatever was needed for me. I was numb.
Ferris was speechless, only advancing with careful steps as if even the breeze from his movement could make me fall. I was the one holding the invisible knife over his throat this time around.
I wasn’t sure if his fear was coming from some complex feelings he might have had for me or out of the thought of losing his favorite toy, but it was there, taking control of every living cell in his body.
They say you shouldn’t look down. I neglected that advice on purpose. I hoped I could find something to bring me to my senses, but the dark hollow below was not giving and was far from terrifying me. It was sending a mermaid song to seduce and call me to nonexistence.
‘Bea!’ I could hear Ferris’s demanding voice, pleading with me to return. Though it was fading away with each step I took. The effect of that bubbly champagne was beginning to replace my reasoning.
Then it happened, that one wrong step, and my feet slipped on the frost covering the railing.
Flashes of the past didn’t race in front of my eyes, and loving memories didn’t fill me with glee.
It was only darkness.
Pitch black darkness.
And then a hand.
A hand that wouldn’t let me go.
‘Hold on to me.’ It was Ferris’s lips that moved, though the words didn’t make sense at that point. I just looked back at him, trying to realize what was going on around me. In his eyes lived fear, horror, and desperation joinedaltogether into a wake-up call.
Have I managed to defeat his demons?
I couldn’t tell anymore. I was just drifting away over the abyss while he was struggling to pull me back to safety.
The hoar-frost from the champagne bottle was making my hands slip, but with a quick gesture, Ferris caught my wrist, holding on to it so tight that I was beginning to think it was going to break. The surge of pain shook through my body, waking me up from my drunken state.
Without knowing how or why, I landed, crashing into his secure arms, drained of all powers.
I remember wanting to disappear, just vanish before the surge of emotions would claim control over the essence of my existence. Though I didn’t, and the mix of sensations came flowing in waves, tearing me apart and crushing me against his chest.
‘Bea!... Bea, look at me.’ He asked me to acknowledge his presence while I could barely recognize mine anymore. I was at the end of the line, and it was only up to him if I was to drown or be saved.
