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Like a fucking magnet, there was something pulling me back to her. Like magic, I managed to find my way back to her room, noticing her standing in front of the mirror.
‘Why are you here, Brax?’ I didn’t get the chance to say a word before she snapped at me.
Fuck, I shouldn’t have gone there.
‘I came to see you,’ I tried to keep my calm.
Although she seemed to be doing her best so I would lose it. ‘Well, I can’t function right now. So you can leave,’ that bitchy tone again, like she was ready to cut my balls off — if she had the chance.
I scoffed, ‘You think that’s what I came for?’
‘Iknowthat’s what you came for. Or perhaps you would enjoy having me like this. Maybe my suffering turns you on,’ she said in an ironic tone, letting her nightie fall to the ground.
No lingerie on sight. Just her naked body, decorated with the purple shades she got in battle. I knew them all too well and in the second I got to look at her, I could even notice some of them healing. But I couldn’t tell her that, and I couldn’t keep looking without giving her the impression that I was starting.
There was nothing else to be done other than let my eyes fall to the floor. ‘Put that back on.’ I picked up the nightie and handed it to her.
‘Why, Brax? Do you want to fuck me with my clothes on this time?’ She was pushing all my buttons. It wasn’t my fucking plan that got her into this condition in the first place. If she would have listened and let me send in one of the stripers, we wouldn’t have been in this kind of a mess.
I was prepared for her to put up a fight and refuse to see me ever since I began walking in her direction, but never for an outbreak at that level.
‘You’re lucky I know this is the trauma speaking and not you.’ That was the only reason I was still trying to control myself. ‘Let me help you back on the bed.’
‘Listen. Nursing me isn’t a part of the deal. So, either you get me to spread my legs, or you leave. There isn’t anyin-betweenwhen it comes to us.’
No in-between. Definitely a notion I’ve let slip for the past couple of days. A mistake that I promised myself wouldn’t repeat and still, there I was, doing it again.
One might say I would never listen.
But I did.
I needed to return to her being just an object of pleasure and not someone I put my life on the line for.
I was repeating mistake after mistake and enough was enough.
There wasn’t room in my world for the risks of a romance story. Connections create weaknesses. And I didn’t need any more weak points with enemies creeping on every corner.
We would both be better off without eachother. That was a decision I was determined to reinforce from there on. I wasn’t to ask her for any morepleasures.
Chapter 38
Somehow my determination not to come back and visit Bea was blown to pieces by Cole. He called asking for a meeting to explain things to her.
I knew he made a valid point, she did need to know what had happened and the progress we’d made with the plan. I might have been at the hospital bedside her, but that didn’t mean I didn’t help things advance in our political agenda.
Grinding my teeth, I forced myself to go to Ferris’s place and accept their request. And if that wasn’t hard enough, seeing Bea coming down the stairs with arms tightly wrapped around Cole’s neck was.
They had formed a bond in the last few days, and even if I had always considered Cole to be a slightly younger version of me, it seemedthat versionknew the right things to do to get her all over him.
A bitter taste invaded my heart, not because of the way she was acting around him. My soul was bitter because I was miles away from what he shared with her, not on account of destiny, but on account of my own will.
In reality, I didn’t even know what I was even so mad about. I wanted exactly what I had at this moment, and still, it wasn’t bringing me any peace of mind, or even a gram of happiness.
I decided to make the meeting business-only, announcing to them from the start that I didn’t have too much time on my hands.
Ferris was the one who retold what had happened on the day Bea got hurt, adding a few details of his own. In his version of events, I was the one who freaked out, bursting into the governor’s house — not him for turning the governor into confetti.
I felt I needed to take the lead and tell my own version of events, continuing with the part where we wereforcedto ease the mayor’s destitution and pull just enough strings to get my righthand man Erick as the new mayor and Cole’s dad as temporary governor until Ferris claimed that seat for our cause.
