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I asked her to keep quiet, but the hours of awkward silence made her dismiss my request, and finally, she opened her mouth to attempt some small chat.
At first, I was in shock, like I had just landed from another planet and talking was the most uncommon of things. But somehow hearing another person speak was a well-deserved break from my own problems.
The girl was pretty smart. No match for my wit, but a nice breath of fresh air breaking my daily routine. The routine of doing nothing and hanging onto a past that was breaking yet another piece of me with each new day I was surviving it.
I was just accepting the sensation of having another human being sharing my room again. Maybe I could have lived with that — eventually. We could have talked about random things to clear my mind for days to come, but an immoral proposal changed the dynamic of everything. An extra zero to the check I was paying for The Pleasure. An extra zero for her to dismiss her clothes, along with her inhibitions.
Sex — casual, without any strings attached, except for some insignificant numbers from my overflowing bank account.
The funny thing was, she could have just asked, or told me that she needed the sum. I would have given her the money without asking for anything in return. I was never a cheap-ass and after all, she was the only female I could talk to after more than a year.
But she got to present heroffer. And no matter how badly my mind wanted to refuse, my body couldn’t say no.
Back when I was at the Academy, I used to have a different female companion every night, so after all that solitude, I was getting tired of jerking off alone in my bedroom.
I was regretting her saying it,the moment she said it.Yet I couldn’t refuse... It was impossible to refuse the sinful calling of her naked body... or the sensual lips melting on my shaft.
The night didn’t hold a single ounce of spiritual entanglement. It was totally physical, all about the movements of our bodies, and still, I immediately became a junkie to the feeling.
It wasn’t even the sex.
It was the fact that I had another human being held under my complete control. The thrill that I could do anything and everything I wanted just with a snap of a finger.
The girl from the first night never returned. I never asked for her again, being much more drawn to the possibilities I needed to explore rather than the person.
Though it didn’t mean I stopped with her.
More followed.
Some because of the need not to be alone when Alfred was out of town, and some just for the fun… or maybe for trying to still my fears.
With each new Pleasure, I was trying to break a new boundary. And to break mine also meant breaking the women’s boundaries as well. Make them fear me, make them hate me, and most importantly, make them fall for me so I could test out their ultimate limits.
After all the shrinks playing with my mind, I was finally the doctor who graduated Magna Cum Laude.
Except I didn’t need to fix them.
I needed them broken. Only so I could stare into the fear glinting in their eyes, imagining that it could ever match my own.
One by one, they became sexual objects, only meant to gratify my fantasies. I needed supreme power over them, so my imagination was free to work at extreme limits. The women who shared my bed were living testimony to that.
Maybe the one who I almost choked to death should have been a warning sign. Or the one who I wanted to bleed out from someinnocentknife play. Or maybe the one I drugged to get her to understand how I felt while in the psychiatric hospital... that was until she ended up in the ER. Or maybe... the list ofmaybeswas too long for me to go on, and the problem was, it wasn’t even finished. There would be a lot ofor’sto be added to it, and a lot of other women to break, thinking that it could make me whole again.
I didn’t care what happened to any of them. They were just ways to satisfy a constantly growing need.
Yet things weren’t the same the other way around.
I became the supreme tempter, fulfilling their daytime fantasies so they could blindly obey mine.
They wanted the prince and castle fairytale.
Every single one of them thought they would eventually become the princess in my story, only none ever imagined that I needed a princess to join me in darkness.
The end result was the same, every single time. No matter the flowers I sent or the expensive clothes and jewelry I bought, they all broke their deals, running as far away from me as they could so they could never fall prey to my fantasies again.
Yes, I wasthatfucked up.
My condition wasn’t getting any better, on the contrary, the nights taken to extreme limits were just fueling my monsters. That was until I understood thatIwas indeed the monster.
