AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I got up from the bed, pretending I didn’t see the flash of hurt in her face. I pulled on my clothes–which was easier said than done, considering we’d managed to fling them in several different directions–and headed to the bathroom to clean up.
Once the frosted door was closed, I felt like hanging my head over the sink. Hell, I felt like going back out there to her and telling her that was bullshit. But a few hours ago, I thought I was in control. I thought if we did try to make something of what was between us, it’d be something I could stand to walk away from. I thought if we had sex, I’d decide if I wanted more or not. I didn’t expect what was happening to me.
So maybe it was shitty of me. Maybe I’d regret it. But I stayed in the bathroom until I heard her get up, get dressed, and leave the room a few minutes later. I wasn’t sure where she was going, but I decided it was probably best for us both to have space. I knew I needed it.
19
PEARL
I padded barefoot through the hotel, down the elevator, and to the bar off the lobby. There was a big butcher block counter beneath a thick archway of pale logs that had been polished smooth. I glanced at my phone, saw it was past midnight, and took a spot at the bar. I recognized a couple of groups there from work, and hesitated with my phone still in my hand. I thought about texting Marley and asking her to meet me here.
But what would be the point? I couldn’t tell her the truth about Dean and me, so I couldn’t explain why it felt like my heart had just been ripped in two.
The woman behind the bar had dark hair, tattoos from her hands up to her neck, and a pierced nose. I judged she was a little older than me. Also infinitely cooler.
She noticed me and came over. “What’ll you have, sweetheart?”
Sweetheart. I didn’t know why, but the simple word made me feel like I was about to crack. I felt tears well in my eyes and forced a casual smile, hoping I could fake my way through the emotion threatening to rise up. “Water?” I choked out.
She worked her lips to the side, then planted a palm on the counter. “You sure you don’t want something stronger? It looks like you could maybe use it.”
“I think alcohol got me into the mess I'm in, actually. I’m kind of mad at it right now. So water is probably smart.”
The woman was clearly a veteran of hotel bartop woes, because she held up a finger, asking me to hold that thought. She went around, topping off everyone’s drinks, then came back with my water and leaned on the counter in front of me with a sympathetic smile. “Let it out, girl. Who just broke your heart?”
I sipped the water, finding I was surprisingly thirsty. I drained half of it in one go, and the bartender smiled, using her little gun on a hose to top it off once I finished.
“I think heartbreak might be a bit strong,” I said carefully. “We barely know each other.”
“So? Breaking things is easy. And sometimes people catch us at the wrong time. We’re quick to give them the keys, and they make us regret it.”
I sighed. “I mean, the thing is, I swore off dating. The whole point of that was to avoid getting my feelings hurt again.”
She planted a palm on the counter, tilting her head at me. “Someone must’ve really done a number on you to swear off dating. I mean, sex is still on the table, right? Just no dating?”
“Sex wasn’t supposed to be on the table. Or the bed,” I added with a sad grin.
She smiled back knowingly. “Okay. I think I’ve seen this one. You guys both knew the score. It was supposed to only be sex, but it felt like more than that. And he didn’t share the feeling,” she added carefully.
“Ding ding.” I threw back a long chug of water like it was hard liquor.
She flashed straight teeth. “Careful, hun. Go too hard on that water and you might get a cramp.”
I chuckled. “I’m probably just being dramatic. I mean, I didn’t really say anything that put myself out there. What he actually said wasn’t that bad. I guess I’m just reading way too far between the lines.”
“What did he say?”
I waved my hand around, trying to call up the exact words. “Something like, ‘well, now we don’t have to worry about sexual tension anymore.’” It was as if he saw what sex with me was like and realized he’d never crave that again. Like the time I tried mint ice cream. I always thought the green color was pretty and craved it, but I’d cave and get chocolate at the last minute. One time with friends I went for it and got the mint.”
