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Bobo’s eyes lit up and she started going into great and disturbing detail about where her information came from and the stories she’d heard. By the time she was finished, she’d forgotten what she was talking about and veered into a story about her first time going to a strip club and how more men should wear thong style underpants, because God didn’t create bottoms like that to be hidden behind baggy drawers.
“Well,” Pearl said after what felt like forever. “We really should go say ‘hi’ to everyone. Mom and Dad are probably wondering when they’ll get to meet Dean.”
Bobo gave my stomach a little punch that felt more like a rogue gust of wind. “I’m sure they’ll enjoy him. I’m betting you could give old Waggy Wangdoodle Wagner a run for his money in the–”
“That’s great, Grandma Bobo!” Pearl said quickly. She grabbed my arm and started leading me toward the bonfire where her parents sat. “It was really nice to see you again!”
“Stephanie, Dear. Who was that loud little woman?” Grandma Bobo asked as we were leaving.
“That was your granddaughter,” Steph said. I didn’t need to look to hear the smile in her voice.
“She’s great,” I said once we were out of earshot.
“Nobody told Grandma Bobo that her libido should maybe ease off as she got up in years.”
“Why should it? I’m planning to stay just as feisty in my advanced years. Old dicks need an occasional tune up, too.”
“Somehow, I’m not surprised you’d say something like that.”
“Good, then you’re getting to know me.”
“Better than I’d like.”
I gave Pearl a playful little nudge and she smiled, then rammed me with her shoulder in retaliation.
The woman with perfect posture spotted us before we reached the group and rushed up to hug Pearl tight. “Ohh, my little Sugar Muffin! My Baby!”
“Mom, please,” Pearl said, voice muffled by her mom’s considerable bosom pressing into her face. It looked like the short genes came from her dad, because her mom was a few inches taller.
“Nonsense! I haven’t seen you in months! Months! Video calls? You think a video call is going to be enough for your momma bear?”
“Mooom,” Pearl groaned, finally managing to peel herself out of the hug.
“And this must be him. Dean! My, you really are something, aren’t you?”
I gave my best smile, then I was being squeezed in one of those motherly hugs. I hugged Pearl’s mom back a little tentatively at first. “Nice to meet you,” I said over her shoulder.
“I’m Darla, Pearl’s mom,” she said, still not pulling away from the hug. “And if you’re with our Pearlie, that means you’re family, too. Understand that? You’re family”
I couldn’t help grinning and hugging her back a little tighter at that. Call me sentimental if you wanted, but I grew up without a mom for most of my life and a dad who never had time for sharing feelings. Sue me if I wanted to enjoy a motherly hug for a minute.
“Thanks,” I said.
She pulled back and gave my chin a little knock with her knuckle, smiling up at me. “Oh, I’m just so glad you two found each other. Pearl has had the worst luck with men. The worst. I’m sure you’re going to be so good for her. You already have been, actually. I mean, she told us about how amazing you are with your hands.”
I choked a little, eyebrows going up. “She did?” I asked.
“Massages,” Pearl said quickly. “I told her how great the massages you give are.”
“Ohh, right. Yeah. Absolutely.”
“You’ll have to help me and Earl later. We’re both sore and could really use a good massage after the drive up here. He refuses to get the seats in his SUV fixed, but they won’t adjust. They just won’t move an inch!” she bopped her forehead with her palm, smiling even wider. “You could help us with that! Pearl told us how handy you are with cars. Like the time you left work to help get her old junker started when it was giving her trouble. You’re just going to be so helpful to have in the family!”
She rushed off to get the attention of her husband, Earl, and left me with a brief moment to bulge my eyes at Pearl.
“What is it with you and telling people I know how to give massages? I couldn’t massage my way out of a wet paper bag. And I don’t know shit about cars.”
“Well, the good news is you don’t get out of paper bags by massaging them. And for the car thing we can just, I don’t know, look up a tutorial on Youtube and pretend you already knew how to fix the problem.”
For once, I felt like the one who needed someone to calm my anxiety. The gravity of what we were doing was settling in on me with the weight of a fucking mountain. Just hearing how excited her mom was to have us together made me think splitting up when this was all over wasn’t going to be so painless. I’d break that woman’s heart. It was obvious how badly she wanted things to work out between Pearl and me, and I couldn’t help but wonder if Eric wasn’t the only one to splendidly screw things up with Pearl.
