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“Right. She’s going to sleep most the day for what, like a month?”
She scans another item. “That’s what my baby book says, but from what I read online, they spend a lot of time crying too.”
I force a smile, deciding to tell her I’m getting terrified to have something so small under my care later. I don’t want to ruin her fun right now.
“Lovely.” I follow her down the aisle.
“Maybe we’ll get lucky and have a newborn that sleeps most of the night.”
“Hopefully. It’s kind of crazy to think you’re in the third trimester already. Crazy, and a little scary.” I pick up a pink and purple baby toy, subconsciously smiling down at it. “What about this?”
“Oh, that’s cute!”
I flip it so Lauren can scan the barcode. She’s twenty-eight weeks along now and getting bigger every week. I’ve never looked at a pregnant woman’s body before, never taken the time to stop and think how incredible the whole thing is. Lauren says she feels like a whale, and I’m not ashamed to admit I’m looking forward to her having her body back, but I find her beautiful and sexy, baby bump and all. She’s growing our child, after all. That’s kind of a big deal.
I run my eyes over her and get hit with desire, brain flashing to her on top of me last night. I don’t know how she doesn’t see how beautiful she is. And now registering for baby stuff is taking way too long. She needs to be on me, under me, fuck, just touching me—now.
“What?” she asks, glancing up into my eyes.
“Nothing,” I say, shaking my head. Nothing, just getting turned on in the middle of fucking Target. “We’re almost done with the list.”
“Good. I have to pee.”
“You always have to pee.”
“Hey, you try having a giant baby inside of you and see how long you can go without peeing.”
I grab her around the waist. “Want another giant thing inside of you?”
She laughs and pushes me away. “Kind of. Yeah, I do. I think the answer will always be yes.”
“It better be.”
She rolls her eyes and laughs. “What’s next?”
I look at the paper. “Bath supplies.”
We head into the next aisle. “It’s a shame your mom had to work and couldn’t make it this weekend.”
“Yeah, a shame.” I don’t even try to hide my sarcasm. Mom picked up an extra shift, and I can’t help feel she did it on purpose to avoid seeing us—again. She sent me an Amazon gift card via email, which pissed me off even though I prefer it. It’s convenient for the both of us, but that’s how it is when you’re mad at someone. Everything they do, no matter how innocent, pisses you the fuck off. Going to the store for a card and the gift card was too much work for her, which to me translates into how little she cares. How little she’s always cared.
Lauren makes a face, one that’s easy to read. She wants to ask me why I don’t like my mother but doesn’t want to offend me. Sometimes she’s too fucking nice. I hate that she holds back on account of not wanting to risk ruffling feathers. Though on the other hand, I don’t want to talk about it. Not now. Or ever.
“I really want a hot dog,” Lauren says. “And a big pretzel with cheese. We need to stop at the cafe on the way out.”
“That’s doable. I haven’t had a big pretzel in years. It sounds good.”
“Doesn’t it? I’m craving salty stuff bad right now.”
“I got something salty for ya.” I put my hands on her waist and she playfully shoves me away.
She takes the list from me, checking things off. I have to admit I admire her organizational skills. I’ve tried being organized before. It just doesn’t happen and sometimes I have a hard time understand how anyone can keep their shit together like that.
“You’re going to be a good mom,” I tell her.
Lauren looks up from the list and smiles. “I hope so. I worry a lot about it. I don’t want to let this kid down. It’s bad enough I didn’t take prenatal vitamins until I was over a month along.”
“The doctor said that wasn’t going to be an issue,” I remind her. “And you seriously need to let that go and not beat yourself up over it. Ella is doing just fine.” I put my hand on her belly.
“Thanks. And you’re going to be a good dad.” Her eyes meet mine and she smiles, honestly believing it.
I smile back, but feel like a fraud. She believes it, but I don’t.
Chapter 19
LAUREN
“SHOULD YOU START bringing stuff over?” I ask Noah. It’s Tuesday night and I just got off work. I’m exhausted. At thirty weeks pregnant, I don’t see how I can get any bigger. And I still have ten weeks left.
