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“Yeah?” he asked, popping around the corner into the kitchen.
I moaned in pain, squeezing my eyes shut when a contraction suddenly tightened my belly. “Shit,” I wheezed.
“Ah, fuck,” John muttered. “Let me call Blaze and Jonah. Here, sit down,” he ordered.
I dropped into the kitchen chair and gritted my teeth, trying to breathe past the pain. John grabbed my hand and pulled his phone to his ear. “Blaze? Hey, Montana’s in labor.” He cut his eyes to me. “I’ll get her to the hospital. Don’t forget her bag.”
He hung up and looked down at me. “Come on. We need to get you to the hospital.”
I shook my head. “I’m supposed to time them for an hour.”
John snorted. “Sis, if I call Blaze back and tell him you’re not doing what you’re told because you’re trying to follow doctor's orders, he’s going to lose his shit.”
I huffed, knowing he was right. I slowly eased from the chair. “Might want to get me a towel,” I told him. “My water broke.”
He shook his head. “I can clean my seats, Montana. You’re more important. Come on.”
He wrapped an arm around my back and helped me walk to the car, pausing in the doorway with me when another contraction tightened my stomach.
This was going to be a long fucking day.
“One more big push for me, Montana!” Dr. Trish urged. “You’re doing so good! The baby is almost here!”
I tightened my hold on Blaze’s hand and pushed down again, gritting my teeth, on the verge of screaming. But finally, all the pressure disappeared, and a moment later, a wail met my ears.
I snapped my eyes open. Jonah was already staring at the baby boy we’d created, his eyes glistening with tears. And when they placed him on my chest, I sobbed, reaching up to touch him, tears streaming down my cheeks.
“He’s so perfect,” I cried. Despite him screaming his head off, he was absolutely precious. He had Jonah’s dirty blonde hair and my nose with Jonah’s lips and chin. He was swinging his fists and kicking his legs, just like the little fighter I knew he’d grow up to be.
My heart broke into a million pieces in my chest. I sobbed, the tears so heavy now that I could barely see my baby boy anymore.
Blaze pulled my face against his chest as they lifted my son, doing his best to hold me together. Jonah grabbed my hand in his, both of us hurting for the decision I’d made. But I still wouldn’t change it, no matter how much it hurt us both.
The trauma ended with me.
“I’m sorry,” I cried. “I’m so fucking sorry.” Guilt for ripping this from Jonah fucking tore me apart, but I knew it was the best decision I could have made.
“Nothing to be sorry for, baby girl,” Jonah rasped, turning my head to face him. “It’s okay. We’re okay. He’s okay. Just breathe, baby. Breathe.”
I sobbed, my body shaking now that I knew how much our son looked like Jonah. “I love him,” I cried.
“I know you do,” Jonah soothed. “I love him, too.” He brushed his fingers over my wet cheeks, his own eyes damp with tears. “It’s going to be okay, baby girl.”
It sure as fuck didn’t feel like it. It felt like I was losing a piece of my heart today—a piece of my soul—I was never going to get it back.
21
Jonah
She requested to not see the baby again after he was taken from the room, though she did name him.
Jonah Blaze Geary.
My chest was still aching. I hadn’t expected to be so attached when he was born, but fuck. It had ripped me apart to lay eyes on him and then have him taken away. But I knew Montana had made the right decision. Blaze and I would have our hands full taking care of her, and though she was doing better, she still had a long way to go with her recovery.
And then when I’d turned to look at Montana?
Pain like nothing I had ever felt before sliced through my heart, fucking ruining me. I was never going to be the same after seeing the raw agony on her face.
And she still wasn’t doing any better.
I poured a cup of coffee, feeling dead on my feet. I’d barely slept at the hospital, and then last night, I’d barely been able to sleep due to Montana constantly crying in her sleep. But I knew the fact that she was feeling this much sadness meant she was more in tune with her emotions, which was a good thing.
Just sucked she had to feel this.
“Enough there for another cup?” Blaze grunted, stepping into the kitchen.
I nodded and moved out of his way, so he had access to the coffee pot. “Something’s got to give,” I told him. “Montana’s on the verge of fucking losing it.”
