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I laughed uncomfortably. “Well, just because everyone thinks something, it doesn’t mean we have to do it. If something was going to happen between us, it would have by now.”
“How can it when you’re so resistant to giving it a go?” Chris challenged, turning around and pinning me with a probing look. “You always shut me down.”
“Well, doesn’t that tell you something?” I said, my voice rising higher, and embarrassment and frustration sending blood rushing to my cheeks.
“I don’t get it. I’m a nice guy, we’d be a great couple. Our goals align, we love Briar Vale and Sunshine Home. Why wouldn’t you give it a shot?”
“Because I don’t see you that way! I can't change that,” I trailed off, the truth finally out between us.
Chris frowned at me, and then his frown melted to scathing derision. “You only like rich guys who’d treat you like crap? That’s really healthy.”
“What? I didn’t even know who Lars was when I met him, and he certainly doesn’t flash his money around, anyway, that doesn’t matter. Whatever is happening between Lars and me isn’t your business. All you need to know is that I don’t see you that way, and I want to be friends, and people who work together.”
Chris frowned and folded his arms across his chest. “Well, what if that doesn’t work for me anymore?”
I stumbled over retorts for that, stunned into silence for a second.
Chris approached across the room and sat next to me. “I want more than that, and I can't be friends with you.”
“But we’ve always just been friends.”
“Not from my perspective. We were always on the cusp of finally being together. Why do you think I’m single?”
“You just haven’t met the one yet?” I offered weakly.
“I have, it’s you,” Chris said.
I turned my horrified eyes to him, a sinking feeling in my chest. Crap, this was going terribly, and hadn’t I always known that it would? Wasn’t this the very reason why I’d never set the record straight with Chris before?
“I can’t ignore my feelings anymore, and it’s not fair of you to ignore them either,” Chris said quietly.
I wet my lips, and the movement drew Chris’s eyes. Just like Lars last night. But instead of filling me with heat, a squirm awkwardness and unease ran through me.
“I’m sorry. I can't change my feelings.” I stood up, suddenly needing to be anywhere but the small, tight office at the orphanage.
Chris mirrored me. “I can't change mine either. I don’t think we can work together like this anymore if your opinion doesn't change.”
“It won't change… Chris, you’re one of my best friends,” I said faintly.
He smiled bitterly and shook his head. “No, I’m really not. I’ve never been, I’ve always wanted more.”
That phrase painted the last few years of spending time together in a new light, and the feeling of discomfort and guilt only increased. All those times hanging out, where I’d been perfectly at ease with a friend, he’d been looking for more, watching me, waiting for a good opening.
I swallowed a lump in my throat and grabbed my bag.
“I’m sorry you feel that way. Let’s talk later, I need some air.”
CHAPTER10
Lars
Ispent the afternoon letting a procession of workmen in and out of Ivy House and its grounds, preparing for the concert in a couple of days' time. Phil was out of town, and if it had been anyone but Charlie asking for the hugely inconvenient favor, I would have kicked everyone out after ten minutes. I hated my privacy being violated, and now, wherever I turned, there were strangers wandering around, plans in hand, sound cables, hard hats, and irritatingly upbeat demeanors. Was this small-town contentment? I felt like a black stain on the soul of Ivy House, as I lurked in the shadows and tried to keep to myself.
All of that fell away in anticipation of my date with Charlie. I’d decided to cook for myself, an old hobby I hadn’t indulged in much lately. I had also arranged for the live-in staff to be off the property for the evening. If all went well, I didn’t want Charlie to feel awkward that there might be other people in the house to hear her screaming my name.
As I was getting changed for dinner, Phil called.
“Surviving ok in the sticks?”
