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That’s a vulnerability that I can’t afford.
Chapter Nine
Tabitha
“You really should tell Hunter that you arepregnant.”
My brother’s voice sounds like it is ringing in my ears. I’m still having trouble coming to terms with that diagnosis.
Pregnant?
I just can’t even believe that I’ve let this happen. Onewonderfulnight with Hunter, and now I’m knocked-up, and just when everything had been going so well too.
“I love you both, and I’m not against the idea of my sister and my best friend being together,” Jax continues. “But Iamagainst the idea of getting caught up in the middle between you two and having to lie to my best friend. You need to tell him, Tabby.”
“I just need some time to figure things out first,” I say as I take my bag of things that Jax went and collected from Hunter’s mansion.
He sighs, and then leaves me alone. Jax is always good about knowing when I need time to think, although in this case, I don’t even know where to begin to untangle my thoughts.
I hadn’t planned on getting pregnant,obviously, and now everything is all muddled up. I still don’t even know what I want to do with my life. All I know is that I wasn’t ever intending on being a nanny forever. But now I have to deal with this whole situation too.
What in the world am I going to do about Hunter? Ilovehim. I am so irrevocably in love with him that I can’t see straight. I havealwaysloved him. But even though we slept together again, and even though I am now pregnant with his child, I still have no idea how he really feels about me.
He’s never told me.
Even back when we were together, he never said those three magic words. For all I know, we could have just had an impassioned night of sex because he wanted to get laid. I don’t want to believe that, especially since we’ve been getting along so well, and it has almost felt like the three of us are a little family. Besides, Hunter could get any woman that he wanted to, and he even had the chance to sleep with that bimbo from the park. What was her name again—Kate? But if he cared about me, then why would he have left me? And if he cared about me now, then why would he act like his emotions could just turn on and off like a water spicket?
Hunter is a billionaire and a prominent high-profile bachelor, and I am just—well, ananny.
There’s no reason that he would ever want to settle with me, and I don’t want to reduce myself to being an obligation. From the sounds of it, he’s already gone down that road with Molly and that’s how he wound up in single fatherhood with Theodore. I know he adores Teddie, and honestly, so do I, but I wouldn’t do that to him again. All that would happen is that Hunter would wind up resenting me for being just like his last relationship with Molly. I won’t do that to any of us.
So, at least for now, I decide to keep my pregnancy a secret from everyone aside from my brother. At least I know that I always have Jax to count on. I hate putting him in the middle, but right now I need him to be my brother more than Hunter needs him to be his best friend. Selfish, I know, but necessary.
I feel bad about quitting and leaving Hunter high and dry with no nanny. But that feeling doesn’t last long because in a couple of days’ time, my brother informs me that Hunter has already found a new nanny for Teddie, and I have been almost instantly replaced. So much for thinking that it all meant something.
Maybe this is a good thing because my guilt turns into bitterness as I am reminded of how quickly I was replaced years ago by Molly. Maybe now I can finally decide to focus on myself.
I spend the next couple of weeks finding a good obstetrician and starting my prenatal doctor appointments, and then applying for a new job. I found an open position for a literature teacher at the local high school and nail the interview spectacularly. In a few days, I’m already starting my new position and already looking for a new apartment.
“Are you sure that you don’t just want to stay here for a while longer?” my brother asks in his overprotective worried voice. “I mean, going through a pregnancy alone is probably tough.”
“I’ll be right down the street,” I smile at him appreciatively. “If I need anything at all, you’ll be able to hear me call out my window for you practically.”
“I know, I’m just saying that you can stay here longer if you need to,” his brow furrows. “Save up money, eat all my ice cream, you know—the usual.”
I laugh and hug him. Admittedly, it’s a bit nerve-wracking to think of going through this pregnancy alone, but it’s time for me to be independent again. It’s all part of what I need to do to be able to finally put Hunter behind me—for good this time.
Granted, I still follow him on social media and still ache to be with Hunter even though I know it’s not good for me to keep pining after him. But eventually, he stops trying to contact me after I ignored his calls and messages for days, and I finally start to think that it is all over for good this time. He’s moved on with a new nanny and probably a new woman by now. Teddie will adjust to someone else taking care of him too. I was never his mom anyways, and I was never truly Hunter’s girlfriend this time around either. As I have reminded myself several times over, I was just the nanny.
Jax helps me move into my new apartment, which doesn’t take long because I don’t have that much stuff. And after my first couple of weeks of teaching at the high school, I manage to pull in enough money to buy a few pieces of furniture and stock my fridge.
My brother told me that I should, at the very least, ask Hunter for some money and reminded me that it is, after all, his kid that I’m carrying around in my belly. But I can’t really do that, not without telling Hunter that I’m pregnant.
I quit, without giving him an actual reason why, and so I don’t have a leg to stand on as far as demanding pay. Not that a few thousand dollars would make a dent in the bank account of a billionaire. But still, it’s the principle of the matter.
My new job is “okay” enough. I like dealing with literature and being able to use my degree, but I’m really not cut out for teaching. Ironically, Teddie was the only kid that I actually had patience for. Teaching high school isn’t really my forte. At least it’s a job, an honest one that will be able to support me and my unborn child when the time comes.
It’s a little lonely in my new apartment, which surprises me because I managed to spend more than a year traipsing around Europe all by myself without ever feeling lonely even once. I guess it’s different now because I was teased with the possibility of maybe getting back something that I thought I had lost. My brother calls to check on me every night, although I’m not sure what he is so worried about. It’s not like I’m out living some big life, when literally all I do is teach during the day and come home alone to read at night.
