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Tears started to form in Sanjana’s eyes, and that alarmed Deepika. “I promise only if you are not in trouble or being…” her voice trailed off when Sanjana shook her head.
Sanjana took a deep breath, dreading the outcome of her sharing the truth with her sister. What if her sister confronts Jai or, worse, tells her father everything that happened in the past few months? It would break her father’s heart if his daughter not only made him believe she was still pursuing the career she was supposed to, and to top it off, entered a marriage contract as a way to get out of being an IAS officer to become a pilot. When the gravity of the situation hit her, she decided not to tell her sister.
She had to make up another story. No way can she tell her sister all of it. Not yet.
“Deepika…” Her voice wavered when she realized she was piling on more lies. “Jai and I are… we are trying for a baby. It’s been months, and it’s just not happening. I’m worried that—”
Deepika’s sudden burst of laughter eased Sanjana’s mind a bit, but her heart was wretched with guilt. “Oh my God, you had me worried.” She let out a sigh of relief and threw her arms around Sanjana. “Silly Sanjana. I was concerned you were in an abusive relationship and was about to go bash up Jai. Thank goodness that’s not the case.”
“Don’t be silly,” Sanjana said, batting away tears, glad she decided not to share what she was about to. “I was just wondering if I should go get checked or not. Please don’t tell Mamma or Papa… not yet. You promised.”
Deepika hugged her sister one more time and kissed her on the cheek. “I promise, and you have to swear that you will tell me as soon as you know I’m going to be an aunt.”
There was no holding back the tears anymore. Sadness overflowed, and she covered it with unbound joy as she held her sister. “I promise. You’ll be the first to know.” She was disappointed with herself for not telling her sister the truth, but she knew she would be burdening Deepika with something she could not help with.
If there was anyone who could address the situation she was in, it was her. Only she could, and it meant she had to talk to her husband and tell him what she wanted. No other way to deal with it.
Chapter 24
Days passed with Sanjana fighting her thoughts. Every worry or concern she had about the future would vanish the moment she was with him. It didn’t matter when they were talking, sharing a meal, or even attending a party, she was focused on the moments they shared as if to memorize all of it.
Her father was hosting a rally to share ideas for growth and how people could take charge of their own development, and she was to leave in a day to join her sister. She lay in bed, his arms wrapped around her when reality hit her. She was hurting to leave him for a couple of days and could not imagine her state of mind when the contract ended.
A crude voice reminded her from time to time that it was all a façade and wouldn’t last. Even her emotions were downplayed by the pragmatic voice, claiming it was pure lust, a phase that would wear out soon for them both.
Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as she could not contain her sorrow. She had to tell him how she felt, but she didn’t know if she had the courage to accept his denial. He was very clear about the contract, and for her to want more is a breach of the agreement.What if he asked her to leave immediately?That would only deprive her of a few more months with him.
She has to learn to live with the memories of him for the rest of her life. There would be no one else who would come anywhere close to what she felt for him and who he was. She could have a life of luxury, the career she wanted but not the love of her life. What was the point in having the rest?
Sanjana moved her face to run her lips over his arm, which held her close to him. “I love you, Jai.” The words rolled off her lips, her voice a whisper, and that made her jerk inadvertently, a sob escaping her.
“Sanjana…” he said, his breath warm in her ear, and she froze in hopes he would fall back to sleep. Moments passed, and she felt him move slowly. She lay motionless, her eyes closed, pretending to be asleep.
Just a few seconds later, her eyes fluttered open when the light came on, and Jai turned her, so she faced him. “Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked, and the concern she saw in his eyes made her heart melt and the sadness break at the same time.
She shook her head, quickly wiping away the tears. “I… I had a bad dream.” She was piling on the lies, too scared to speak the truth. “Let’s go back… to sleep.” She pulled the sheet over her body and started to turn away when he pulled her to him.
He kissed the top of her head before holding her face in his palms. “Baby, these beautiful eyes, they never lie to me. What are you not telling me?” He was insistent in his tone and the way he held her face, his eyes on her.
“Jai, it’s really nothing,” she managed a weak smile, but the concern in his eyes didn’t falter. “I’ll be fine if I go back to sleep.”
He ran his thumbs under her eyes, wiping away the moisture that had gathered despite her fighting the tears from surfacing. A sob escaped her yet again with the way he looked at her, and she closed her eyes, unable to lie to him any longer. Without another word, he hugged her, kissing her gently as if he was coaxing her to talk, but he didn’t press her to speak.
She held onto him, thankful for the warmth of his embrace as she wondered how she could get away with not telling him about what had been on her mind for almost a week. He had caught on to her turmoil and had asked a couple of times if everything was okay, and she was able to make up some excuse. But that night, he caught her with tears, and knowing how he was, she knew whatever she told him had to be convincing.
Isn’t the truth convincing enough? Tell him everything!A bold voice pushed her.
No, don’t. What if he asks you to leave?Another one countered.
“Baby, look at me.” His soft voice made her slowly open her eyes, blinking away the tears. “What’s bothering you? Did anyone hurt you in any way? Did I—” She didn’t let him finish. Instead, she placed her hand on his mouth. She couldn’t let him even for a second think he was the reason for what she was going through.
It was not his fault she fell for him. She knew what she was getting into, and she wasn’t going to blame him for changing her mind. She finally mustered up the courage to look into his eyes.
She cleared her throat and said, “I… I love you, Jai, and I can’t imagine my life without you after our contract ends. I know we agreed to part ways amicably, but I… I don’t know when… but I’ve fallen in love with you. I want to be with you always, and I’m sad to even go away for a couple of days to Papa’s rally. I will be devastated when it is time to leave, but please, don’t ask me to leave.” The last words were a sob as she hugged him and cried her heart out. The pent-up sadness flowed out uncontrollably.
Sanjana felt his arms fall from her body, and her heart sank. Was she going to lose him forever? And just as the panic began, she felt his hands on her shoulders and slip up to cup her face with his palms as she wept, her eyes closed. He didn’t say anything to her, but the one kiss he planted on her forehead said it all.
Her sobs subsided, and her eyes opened slowly to look at him through the salt screen. He gently wiped away her tears, a small smile on his face. And without another word, he brushed her lips with his, his hold on her tightening. She gasped at the sudden shift in her emotions, and without uttering a single word, he was alleviating her pain. Or was that her imagination?
