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“Are you finished?” he murmurs. “Because that is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard. We both know what this is about. You don’t want my child, and you never have.”
“That’s not what our agreement was about, is it?” I ask, and it’s almost fun to see him squirm for once. “This is life or death for me, and those are the terms you set. So I think it actually behooves me to get pregnant as quickly as possible and to get this the hell over with or else risk you killing me. I don’t have any reason to hide this from you—and it would be stupid to try.”
“Yet you still tried.”
“Burying a pregnancy test in the trash isn’t exactly the same as trying to hide a pregnancy. If I was that determined, I wouldn’t have thrown it out at home.”
“I deserved to know right away.”
“I’m sorry, that wasn’t one of the terms of our agreement, was it?”
“Did it have to be?” he bellows, throwing his arms into the air.
“Obviously, it did.”
All I want is to tell him the truth. All I want is for him to want me. To still want me even now. That’s what’s bothering me the most; that’s what has my stomach in knots and my chest hurting. Not getting caught—he was going to find out eventually. It’s knowing our relationship as I know it is really over now. And even if the baby is a girl, all he’ll do is rush to impregnate me again. It’ll never be like it was before, like it could have been.
With him acting the way he is, that shouldn’t hurt. I should be glad, but I’m not. I’m about as far from it as possible. It would be so easy just to admit it all, to lay myself bare in front of him here and now. He might be surprised out of his anger.
He might also get angrier. Or, even worse, dismissive. Cold and cruel, both of which seem to be his specialty. I don’t think I could handle that. I think that might be what finally breaks me once and for all.
“You’ve betrayed me once again.” His voice is quieter now, but somehow, it’s even more frightening. Cold, flat, and totally absent of emotion. I can’t help but shrink a little at the sound of it. “Just when I thought we were getting somewhere, you remind me that I can never be too comfortable with you. I suppose I ought to thank you for that.”
“You’re wrong about this.”
“No, I don’t think I am. You’re lying to me even now. Is that all you know how to do? Lie? Saying anything, so long as it means you are saving your ass?”
“I’m not lying. You’re wrong.”
“Am I? Then please, enlighten me on why you hid that test instead of telling me right away because your special little secret excuse is bullshit. What’s the truth, Alicia? Do you know what the word means anymore?”
I should tell him. Wouldn’t that shock him into silence? “I wasn’t planning on hiding this from you. I would have told you soon. Now, you’ve even taken that from me. The opportunity to tell my husband I’m pregnant, that we’re going to have a baby. Congratulations. You’ve taken away just about everything I was ever looking forward to.”
“Do not make yourself out to be a victim here.”
“I was only telling the truth. Isn’t that what you want? Or would you rather only hear what makes you happy? That’s not how it works.”
“Enough of this.” He’s practically on top of me in an instant, and I press myself against the wall near the door when he leans in close. “From now on, I want to know everything. Immediately. You keep nothing from me, not for any bullshit reason that twisted little mind of yours comes up with.”
Twisted mind? I have to bite my tongue against what threatens to come out of me the moment I hear that. As if he has any room to talk about being twisted.
“Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I grit out, forcing myself to hold his gaze. I’m not going to look away. I will not back down.
“Good. I expect you home right away since I know you don’t have any other classes after this today. Paolo will take you straight there, and it would be for the best if we don’t cross paths. I don’t want to look at you anymore today.”
He thrusts a finger in my face, and his hand is trembling. “Take care of yourself. Don’t even think about doing anything that will hurt my son.” With that, he leaves me, swinging the door open so hard it smashes into the wall.
And all I can do is stand here, shaking, staring straight ahead but seeing nothing in front of me. No, all I see is my future, which has never looked as bleak and empty as it does right now.
18
ENZO
“From now on, you report everything to me and I meaneverything.”
“Yes, sir.” Paolo stands straight and tall, but there’s no disguising his discomfort. He’s lucky it’s only discomfort he’s dealing with. I might have decided he’d look a lot better without the back of his head. I might have decided to paint the walls of my study with his blood and brains. It’s still a possibility, in fact.
