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31
ALICIA
“Did you sleep at all last night?” I can’t help the concern that blooms in me when I look at Enzo the next morning. I had a hard time falling asleep, so I wasn’t expecting him to be all fresh-faced and chipper this morning, but it’s clear he never got a wink of shut-eye.
“I had a lot on my mind. Still do.” He pours himself a cup of coffee and gulps down half of it before topping it off. “It wouldn’t be the first time I went without sleep. Not to worry.”
I’m not worried—about that, anyway. I don’t know if I could put it into words even if I tried. I’m still afraid of him throwing my concern back in my face, so I won’t bother.
Inside, though? I know he has to be hurting this morning. He doesn’t want to think about Frankie’s confession or what it means.
I want so much to ask him about it. To offer support. I’d listen to anything he has to say for as long as he wanted to talk. I only want to be here for him, the way a real wife would be. Instead, I pull water from the fridge.
“Do you want something to eat?” he asks.
I can’t help but remember how protective he was last night. Why can’t he be this way all the time? I could learn to like him being so concerned if I knew he wouldn’t swing back and forth between caring and pushing me away. Otherwise, here I am, wondering if I can afford to let my guard down. If he’ll make me regret it again.
At least I don’t need to think too hard about whether I want breakfast. “No, thanks.” The thought turns my stomach. I’m not such a fan of the smell of coffee right now, for that matter, and I usually love it.Who doesn’t?
“I contacted a highly respected obstetrician with an office downtown.” When I look at the clock, he reads my mind. “Office hours don’t matter much when you know which strings to pull. He’ll see us this morning before the office opens. Which means we need to get going soon.”
It’s hardly seven thirty, but I’ve learned to expect the unexpected. I’m already dressed for the day, and since I took a bath last night, there’s no need for showering.
“I’m good when you are,” I announce.
“No arguments for once?”
I hear the humor in his voice and appreciate it, but I can’t manage more than a weak smile. “I’m too worn out to argue. Catch me once the morning sickness passes.” And the guilt that’s been eating away at me over Elena’s disappearance I can’t shake it. She’s safe now, I’m sure, but I’m sorry for how far things went. Even when she was a nasty bitch last night—my hand is still sore from when I punched her. But damn, it felt good at the time.
Still, I know the fear she must’ve gone through. I felt it, too. Knowing my life was in the hands of a stranger. Being used as a pawn. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, even if she tried to seduce my husband. Maybe she learned a lesson.
The car ride might’ve been a bad idea, but there’s no way around it. The motion from the car isn’t doing me any favors. “We’ll stop and get you some ginger ale if you want,” Enzo offers when I can’t suppress a miserable groan.
“Yeah. That might help.” Even if I didn’t want the soda, I wouldn’t refuse. Not when he’s being so sweet.
I sip it slowly on the rest of the way to the doctor’s office and feel a little better once we’re out of the car in the adjoining garage. It’s practically empty, thanks to the early hour.
I know better than to think I’ll have a moment’s privacy with the doctor, so I don’t bother mentioning it once we’re in the office. A pretty pissed-off-looking nurse takes my vitals and asks questions in a short, businesslike tone. She doesn’t look at Enzo once as he stands against the wall, arms folded. When I glance his way, I decide it’s better if she doesn’t look at him since he wears the expression of someone who’d throw her out the window if she makes a mistake.
Thankfully, the doctor doesn’t leave us waiting long once the nurse is out of the room. “Mrs. De Luca,” he says with a smile when he enters the room. “I’m Dr. Greene. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I have to shake myself a little and remind myself he’s talking to me. Has anybody ever called me that before?
“My husband, Enzo.” I’m sure he would have introduced himself, anyway, but I sort of feel bad for this guy. Something tells me he wasn’t given much of a choice whether or not he wanted to open his office this early in the morning. He’s smiling, even jovial, but he’s also sweating a little. It makes me wonder exactly what kind of strings Enzo pulled.
“Let’s get you looked at, shall we? I understand you are a little concerned about your baby.” Rather than tell him that isn’t the case, I nod mutely while he wheels over the machine. He asks me to lie back and lift my shirt a little. He gives me a reassuring smile while tucking a towel into my waistband before squirting gel all over my stomach.
“Come on over, Dad.” I have to turn my face toward the wall when I can’t help but grin at the doctor’s casual attitude. Enzo is clearly in over his head here, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and rubbing his hands together.
It’s touching. I wish we had the kind of relationship where I could reach out and pull him closer to me. Where I could squeeze his hand and look into his eyes and tell him everything is fine and there’s nothing to worry about. I wish. I wish it so hard.
The doctor touches the wand to my stomach, and immediately my attention goes to the monitor. Enzo stands beside me, and I’m pretty sure he’s not breathing. Now I do reach for him, brushing my fingers over the back of his hand, and he’s quick to grab for me.
“From what you told the nurse, you should be around twelve weeks along. Is that right?”
“I think so.” After a few moments, a ghostly image appears.
“There you are,” the doctor says with a smile. “There’s your baby. Stay still for me, baby, so I can take some pictures and do some measurements.”
“See?” I whisper to Enzo with my heart in my throat. “Everything’s fine.” That’s my baby. Our baby. I tear my eyes from the monitor to look up at him and find him staring with his mouth hanging partly open. What is he thinking? What is he feeling?
