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Wrapping her arms around my neck, she stands on her toes and tucks herself in closer to my body. I lift her with my hands around the back of her thighs, and she wraps her legs around me. “I’m not as unblemished as you think, Kain. My soul has stains, too. I want to stand in the purity of the rain with you and let it wash us clean.”
I walk her to the SUV and press her back against the window. “Little killer, there isn’t enough rain in this sky to wash me clean.”
She squeezes her legs around my waist and pulls my hips closer, causing my growing erection to press against her heated sex. A soft, almost inaudible moan pass her lips.
A groan leaves me at the feel of her heat aligned with my cock. I slide my hands from her thighs to her ass and use my hold to grind her slowly along the length of my cock. “Oh, fuck, little killer. You’re killing me.”
She leans back against the truck and presses her hips into me harder, making little circles as she grinds against me. Her mouth parts, and her eyes slide shut. One of her hands leaves my neck to caress across her bloody chest and, fuck, the sight spikes the flame burning inside of me.
I slide the switchblade from my pocket and flip it open. I skim the dull side of the cool metal along the heated flesh of her neck. Marveling in the fact that she doesn’t so much as flinch. “Eden,” I growl in warning. “I can’t … We have to stop.”
She opens her eyes and removes her hand from her fabric covered breast and takes the blade from my hold. “Let it out, Kain. I’m not scared of you.”
“No,” I turn my head to the side, “I can’t see that fear in your eyes again.”
She cups the side of my face, turning my head back to face her. “What do you mean, again?”
I lean in and place a soft kiss to her lips. “When we brought you home from the party, you were detoxing, and when you saw me, you thought I was him, and the terror in your eyes when you looked at me was gutting.”
“Kain, I’m so sorry.”
“You have nothing to fucking apologize for. I know you weren’t seeing me for me, you were seeing the similarities between my art and the marks of the man who attacked you. But I’ll never forget that look of pure terror in your eyes when you looked at me and saw him. If I ever put that fear in you and caused you to really look at me like that—fuck, Eden—I’d never be able to live with myself.”
“Do you think I don’t know about your darkness?” She searches my eyes. “I’ll let you in on a little secret, Kain. You don’t hide it well. I know about your dark side, and it doesn’t scare me. For fuck’s sake, you gave me a box of testes for a gift. I know what you need, and I want to be the only one to give it to you.”
She pulls my face down and locks her lips with mine, kissing me like I’m the air she needs to breathe.
The sky overhead opens,and the rain pours over our heated bodies as we drink each other in, consumed in our need and desire for the other. I want him over me, wrapped around me, inside of me. He’s already stolen pieces of me—mind, body, and soul—but my need for this man goes beyond all that, it’s fundamental. Without him, I don’t think I’d survive tomorrow.
I’m not the only one feeling this, either. I can sense it in him as though the feelings are my own. He needs this, me, just as much. He needs to know I’m not going to run. That I accept him, darkness and all.
Pulling back, I place a hand over his lips, needing to get this out, needing him to see that I crave every part of him because we’re the same. I hold the blade steady against my collarbone. The cool metal of the razor’s sharp edge scrapes lightly along the surface, causing goosebumps to rise along my arms. I watch as his eyes dilate, the black of his pupils swallowing the hazel of his irises as he tracks the blade’s path across my chest. His gaze isn’t cold and intrusive like those of the men who took from me. No, his is heated and my body craves more of it—more of him. In this my mind and body are in unison.
“Eden, I can’t.” His voice is harsh with desire and the strain of self-control. His hands on my body flex as he holds himself back from giving into his wants.
“I can see it in your eyes, every time you come back from doing one of those jobs for your brother, the network, or maybe it was one of your missions for me. Blood on your hands and staining your clothes. When you’d look at me, there’d be a hunger in your eyes, a deep desire to fuck me. The violence, the fear they fed you, the blood. It all turns you on. This is what you need.”
“I won’t ask this of you. Everyone who has ever touched you has been out to hurt you. They forced your fear. They took your body. The things I want to do to you are just as depraved and monstrous. But I couldn’t live with myself if you ever looked at me like you looked at them.”
“The difference is you would never hurt me, Kain. I know that.”
He shakes his head, untangling my legs from his hips, the moment coming apart. He holds me until my feet hit the ground, and then he takes a step back, running his fingers through his wet hair.
“But I fucking want to. At the sudden snick of my blade slipping free, I want the fear thick in your eyes so that your pupils swallow those bright green orbs, not knowing what I’ll do. I want to run my blade over your body, drawing shivers of anticipation from you, wondering where I’ll nick you, making you bleed. I want to marvel at the thick red liquid as it pools through the cut, trickles down your collarbone, and through the valley of your breasts. I want to taste the sweet metallic nectar on my tongue as I lick you clean, drawing new shivers through you for a whole different reason. All the while, I want you writhing on the hilt of my knife until you come, coating every inch of steel in your scent, so every time I wield it, I’ll remember I belong to you. I want your tears of frustration. I want your anger and your fire. I want to know that when I’ve gone too far, you won’t hide behind fear of me but that you’ll push back and rein me in. And the really fucked up part is that I desire your trust in all this.”
He crowds me back into the side of the SUV, the rain falling heavier as though a bottomless bucket has been flipped and is pouring down on us. “I’m not a good man, Eden. I’m fucked up in the head, and I’ll only bring you to ruin if you stay near me.”
He rocks back on one foot as though to retreat, but I reach out and snag his arms, gripping them tight in my hold. “You can’t ruin what’s already been ruined, Kain.”
I take his hand in mine and place the hilt of the knife in his palm. Lifting his hand, I position the blade on my collarbone. Kain tries to pull away, and I know if I let him go now this will be it, so I tighten my hold on him and whisper, “Let me.”
His expression flits between pain, desire, grief, and understanding.
I press against his hand, holding the blade. The sharp edge sinks into my pale wet skin. Warmth, so dissimilar to the chill of the rain, flows freely down my chest, mingling with the rivulets of water.
Hunger takes root in Kain’s gaze as his eyes track the red liquid. I place a hand on the back of his head and pull him closer. “Taste it,” I whisper.
The tip of his tongue ghosts over the top swell of my breasts and up along my collarbone before stealing my breath with a searing kiss that demands more. He walks me back to the rear of the SUV, never breaking the kiss. A beeping noise echoes in the night and the tailgate opens.
