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His eyes widened and his face paled. He looked like it was his turn to throw up. He knew as well as I did that we weren’t prepared to be parents, hell, we barely had our own shit together. I still ate Pop-Tarts for breakfast.
“No, it’s probably stress,” he tried to reassure me. “I thought you were on birth control.” Thankfully, it wasn’t accusatory, just confused. Otherwise my horse and I might have karate chopped him for the audacity.
“There’s always a chance that it could just be the stress of everything. But we have to know, Zath. Go get me one, please?” He pushed a bottle of water in my hand before getting up and leaving. It took me about two seconds after he left, stirring the air in the room, to realize he’d sat the coffee cups on the counter. The smell lingered and it was enough for me to turn back to the toilet and curse the coffee gods for failing me.
I’d always enjoyed the smell of coffee roasting, scented candles, anything related to coffee, but right now, it was my nemesis.
The next twenty minutes were a bitter war between me and my stomach, taking sips of water but not taking too much. I was fighting the urge to puke with every second that passed.
A soft knock on the bathroom door had me glancing up but I didn’t move, my cheek pressed to the porcelain tub, and I couldn’t bear to take it away from the cool surface. For some reason, it was making the entire thing seem a bit more bearable.
El was the one who pushed open the door this time. He took one look at me and panicked. “What’s wrong?”
Riven was right behind him. “Hey, talk to us.”
“Is she okay?” Lance’s voice joined in next.
I felt so miserable and conflicted that tears started rolling down my face. Lance didn’t hesitate to rush forward, scooping me into his arms and settling down on the floor so he could hold me. He didn’t pry, instead rocking me gently as he smoothed my hair down. It felt too easy to be in his arms again and breathe in his familiar scent. At least the spice and pine didn’t make me want to vomit again.
“Whatever it is, we can help,” Riven said gently. “Zath said you were sick and freaking out but not the details.”
“I don’t know if you can,” I whispered. “I’m scared.”
Everyone always acted like finding out that you are pregnant was a huge celebration. But to me, it was just all these realistic fears slamming into my face.
Not only would I have to grow this tiny human, I would have to push it out, be in an enormous amount of pain, then I would have to raise it and try not to fuck it up along the way. How? I wasn’t even capable of doing that for my own self.
“What are you scared of, angel?” The familiar nickname had my chest warming. I’d forgotten how much I depended on hearing it when I was struggling.
“I’m going to lose everyone all over again. I can’t go through that a second time.” My voice was a whisper but they heard me.
“You won’t have to, I’m not leaving you again,” Lance said emphatically, and the raw conviction in his voice had me fighting tears again.
“I’m not, either, you’re stuck with us,” El promised.
“Whatever it is, we’ve got you,” Riven added in.
“I think I’m pregnant.” The words hung in the air as they all fell silent. I refused to look at them. It wasn’t until Lance gently pulled me out of his lap, putting me in front of him, that I was able to glance up. Part of me thought he was about to stand up and walk away, leaving me. Instead, he waited for me to meet his gaze. His expression was full of hope and excitement… and more than a little patience. After everything, especially with his stalker, how could he want this?
“Why do you think this is bad news? Do you not want to be pregnant? I mean we can talk about whatever options we have, but I thought you wanted kids?” Lance questioned me.
“I do,” I admitted. “Or I did, but after…” I trailed off.
“You were afraid to give it much thought?” he guessed.
“Exactly. I just found you again, as well as my other mates all within a week and now I find out I’m pregnant. What sane man is going to hear that and not run for the hills?”
“The kind that are bonded to you,” Riven said. His voice was thick as he spoke. “Don’t you dare try to push us away before we’ve even had a chance to settle in. I told you I wasn’t just going to disappear. You may have said ‘no strings attached,’ but I sure as fuck didn’t.”
“What kind of deadbeat guys do you think we are?” El asked with a raised eyebrow. I had a feeling if I didn’t have tear-stained cheeks he probably would have said it a bit more harshly. I’d let my own insecurities hurt them and only felt worse now.
If it weren’t for the understanding there as well, I’d have started babbling out apologies. That likely wouldn’t have gone over, either. El and Riven were huge on letting yourself feel things and this was me feeling it all at once. That and a little help from pregnancy hormones I would guess. Because the more I thought about it, the more I believed it.
“Are you sure that you’re pregnant?” Riven asked. I shook my head quickly.
“No, Zathrian went to go get a test for me, he’s not back yet.”
“Whatever it says, just know, I’m not going anywhere,” Lance said again. I looked up at him and he brushed a kiss over my forehead. He knew I was a sucker for that and this time my chest clenched in a good way, the warmth calming the tidal wave of emotions.
