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Once again, he doesn’t answer the question, just flicks his gaze to a spot on the wall. An old photograph hangs there, of him and me. We were only children, but my head is in his lap while his hand rests over my stomach. Even then we were drawn to each other.
Though the childhood friendship we had was a far cry from whatever the fuck this is now.
“I can’t be your friend, Casper,” he finally tells me, his voice devoid of any emotion, all the while my heart cracks into a thousand pieces. “You should call a taxi. I’ll bring your car back tomorrow.”
I nod, lifting myself up and walking away with a backwards glance.
I want to say something.
But I’m not even sure I can.
My eyes burn the whole way back to the academy, but I don’t let the tears fall.
At least not until the moment I step into my dorm and the door closes quietly behind me.
Noah waits up for me, watching me walk towards him. His arms open wide, and without another thought, I throw myself at him. He wraps himself around me, pulling me to the couch and holding me tight as the tears fall.
“Why him, baby girl?” he asks quietly, his hand running through my hair. The soothing motion does little to soothe the hurricane of emotions bursting out of me. My breaths come in short gasps, my sobs making it difficult to breathe.
“Because it’s always been him, Noah,” I tell him through stuttered breaths, finally being completely honest with myself.
For years I’ve denied my feelings, denied everything relating to him when anyone has ever asked.
But I can’t anymore.
“It’s always been him. Even when I really need it not to be.”
TWENTY-SIX
Weekspassbyslowly.September morphs into October and the academy goes quiet, thanks to the half term. Both Betty and Noah have gone, visiting their parents at home, while I stay at the dorm.
Weirdly, despite the new and improved distance between Theodore and me, Gage and Kyle have become staples in my life again. The three of us falling easily into a comfortable friendship.
“Come on, don’t tell me you’re scared of this.” Gage laughs, pulling the cushion away from my face that I’m using as a shield from the girl who thrashes around on the screen. “Fal, you’re such a pussy.”
Grabbing another cushion, I launch it straight at his head. He narrowly escapes, ducking just as it flies past, though, it clips his ear lightly. He sends me a playful glare, but I only scowl back; my nerves too frayed from the film to offer anything further. “Why didn’t you go home again?”
He snorts, leaning further into the couch and tugging my blanket to cover his legs. For some reason, he stayed at the academy, instead of going home for the break. Theodore too, but we don’t talk about him.
“Because going home is for losers,” he tells me, his eyes glued on the television. Shaking my head, we fall into a nice companionable silence. I’m not sure if he hangs around the dorm because Betty is here most of the time, though, he’ll never admit to that aloud.
However, she’s not here now and he still is, so maybe I’m not too bad company either.
A smile lifts at my lips at that.
Though that’s something I’ll never admit aloud.
Just how much I need his friendship right now.
Betty and Noah are firmly on the “we hate Theodore” train and bitch him out at any chance they get. And while I appreciate their loyalty, it doesn’t hurt less to hear it.
I don’t hate him.
I can’t.
No matter how much I probably should.
“Seriously, why did you stay?”
