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Especially a naughty, active one like me.
He still singlehandedly raised me while he went to college and then law school and passed the bar. Let’s just say that toddler me didn’t exactly make Dad’s college life easy, but he never once made me feel like he was absent.
I’ve always been a well-loved daughter, albeit lonely, with a brain that suddenly becomes blank for no apparent reason. The therapist Dad took me to says it’s depression. I call it an empty brain that no therapist can cure, but that’s not the point. The point is that I was loved but never spoiled or treated as if I were royalty just because my grandpa was rich or Dad owns a law firm.
He’s still strict as fuck and gives me a curfew—that I will hopefully get rid of today.
I tell my dad’s friends that I’m going to grab something to drink. I don’t really have many of my own friends, so Dad usually brings his. When I do invite my classmates, they get super intimidated by all the hotshot businessmen and political figures that are present, so I stopped making them and myself flustered.
I don’t like my birthday anyway. It reminds me of the day when my empty brain was born.
And the woman who gave it to me.
Anyway, I walk among the crowd, forcing smiles. They don’t come naturally to me, not like they do for Dad. Many things he excels at are my weaknesses, such as physical activities, charisma, and a complete brain, I guess.
What I’m good at, though, is multitasking, so I don’t have any trouble running my gaze over all the people present while smiling and playing my birthday girl role—the role I play every year for Dad.
My dark red dress clings to my skin, but that has nothing to do with the perspiration after so much moving around. I resist the urge to wipe my sweaty hands on the material. Not only is it designer, but I also chose it carefully, so I’d look like an adult.
It molds to my curves and shows off my waist, and it also has a deep V-neckline, accentuating my breasts and teasing some cleavage. I even sacrificed my favorite white sneakers for the black high heels that are currently murdering my poor feet.
But it’s all for nothing if I can’t find him.
My nape heats and strands of my long hair stick to my neck and temples. The more distance I cross, the more I clink my nails together.
Almost everyone Dad knows is here,almost, because my step-grandma is never welcome in Grandpa’s house, per Dad’s words.
Andhim.
The man I’ve started to look for in a crowd when I have no right to.
After what seems like forever, I throw my weight on the swing Dad made for me and put in the backyard near the second pool when I was a kid. My gaze gets lost in the lights shining from the water, and I release a long breath.
The area is lit by lanterns and countless strips of fairy lights hanging between the trees, but it’s still dim compared to the front of the house.
My heart feels a little bit bruised, stomped upon, even though I have no actual logical reason to feel this way.
But what is logic anyway? Dad says all the good things are a little jaded, imperfect.
Illogical, even.
I’m not supposed to wallow in misery on my long-awaited eighteenth birthday, but here I am. Swinging back and forth in the wake of the destruction that’s happening in my chest.
I had great plans for today. Not because I like birthdays, but because this one is special. This one means I’m officially no longer a child.
But my most important plan was aborted before it was even implemented.
I retrieve my phone from my bra and scroll to the photo album named “Memories.” I find a picture from my first birthday, where I was squealing in Dad’s arms while Uncle Nate was trying to grab me.
Nate.
Not Uncle Nate. He’s Nate.
I run my fingers over his face and pause at the jolt that zips through my entire body.
It’s been some time since I started feeling these weird zaps whenever I see him or think of him. He even started appearing in naughty dreams that made me sweaty and wet and I had to relieve myself in the middle of the night.
That’s why he can’t be Uncle Nate anymore.
