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It’s not.
He’s just a manwhore, and I hate that and him, and every girl who gets to touch him when I can’t.
Jealous much?
No, it’s way worse. I’m bordering on extremely obsessive.
It’s unhealthy, toxic, and all the other terms my imaginary therapist will have a field day with.
I did my research and it said that the best way to get rid of an unhealthy obsession is to stay away, exercise, and keep my mind preoccupied.
Done, done, and done.
Now, best of luck telling that to my wet dreams about Daniel.
Ever since he expressed being disgusted with wanting me, he’s made it a point to flaunt all the girls in my face as if they were Prada bags.
I never gave him a reaction, always staring down my nose at him and his tool for the hour as if the dirt beneath my shoes was more precious than them.
I’m many things, but an emotional mess was never one of them. Always composed, always elegant.
Always…detached.
Sometimes, I stared at my doll and talked to it as if it were Papa. If his soul happens to be there, we’re all doomed.
But anyway, I asked Papa if I stopped being lucky, would Daniel have me?
The doll stared at me with its droopy eyes and remained silent. Which is my sign of a “no.”
But my faulty brain didn’t understand the concept. It doesn’t relate to words like “giving up” and “letting go.” It’s just not in me.
Maybe it’s because I usually got what I wanted, whether by working for it, asking for it, or manipulating my way to have it. It’s not arrogance, it’s pure determination.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m too fixated on Daniel because I can’t have him. But I did have him during the night of the fire, and it only made my emotions flare to a dangerous level.
I didn’t know it before, but turns out, I’m the type who correlates sexual and emotional intimacy together. They’re one, undivided entity.
Which is why everything he’s done afterward hurt more than I’ll ever admit.
One thing’s for certain, though. Daniel isn’t the only one who gets to play this “you mean nothing to me” game.
I got into his circle of friends and got close to the football players. Not only that, but I also allowed them to touch me and get handsy with me.
While he watched.
Daniel isn’t as good as I am at controlling his emotions. They usually spill like ink on paper and he glares or flares his nostrils.
The other day, Daniel saw me laughing with Chris on a mini date in the school’s garden. When we got back inside, Daniel waited for him to approach the classroom, then slammed the door as he was walking in, hitting him in the nose.
I didn’t believe the scene at the beginning. The way Daniel apologized and smiled was like he really didn’t mean to.
But as soon as Chris walked away, I saw the sly smirk on Daniel’s face.
Then, when Chris was watching football practice from the benches because the captain and team manager were punishing him, Daniel kicked the ball straight at him but pretended it was Ronan’s fault.
Before now, Daniel had no problems with Chris, so I knew it was because of me and how close I’m getting to him. He said something similar the night we first had sex.
Why did you take the drug? Was it so you and Christopher could have a good time?
