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It’s because of her that I’m even in this predicament, facing a part of me I wished to keep buried until I was six feet under.
The woman who gave birth to me swallows thickly. “Daniel, please…”
“Save it, Mother. Tell me about Zach. Why is he barely even blinking?”
“I don’t know how to say it…”
“I’m over here and can tell you about myself.” My brother’s eyes meets mine, and once again, I’m caught in their ghostly quality and the black hollowness inside them. “Due to the head injury, I have Alexithymia. That means I don’t recognize emotions anymore and I’m considered a heartless bastard, or that’s what I’ve been told by the incompetent executive directors I fired.”
Mother starts weeping, always, without doubt, turning the attention to her. Nicole releases my hand and goes to comfort her as if she’s a baby.
Zach—who’s the cause of all the distress—continues sipping his soup with no care in the world.
And for the first time since I left England, I think maybe I made a mistake.
Maybe if I stayed, if he didn’t have to take care of Mother’s dramatics and Father’s death on his own, he wouldn’t have had that crash. He wouldn’t be a ghost of his previous self.
I would still have the Zach who laughed more than necessary and taught me how to touch a girl right and bring both of us pleasure.
The Zach who stayed by my side whenever I got sick because my mother was too busy throwing a self-pity party to take care of me.
“We’re trying to hide his condition,” Mother says in a brittle voice. “Since he refuses to get married or have children, people will eventually find out and the shareholders will kick him out. Oh, you don’t know how much I’ve suffered.”
“Shut up, Mother,” I say calmly.
“Excuse me?”
“Shut the fuck up, Mother.” I’m louder now, unhinged by all the emotions that have been running rampant in me. “Stop turning everything about you when Zach was the one who had an accident. This is about him, not you, not me.Him.So stop making it about you!”
Her wails turn up in volume and the only reason I’m not going full on aggressive mode on her drama queen antics is because I can’t keep my attention away from Zach.
My brother watches us like we’re the dullest animals in a zoo.
Now I recognize the emptiness in his gaze. It’s complete and utter apathy, as if being alive is the most boring thing he’s ever had to do.
My hand fists on the spoon. “Are you struggling?”
He meets my gaze. “With what?”
“Anything? Everything?”
“I’ve never been better, but Mother likes to act in such…an overly expressive way.”
Tell me about it.
“I’m just looking out for you,” she sobs while Nicole holds her shoulder. “I’m doing my best to protect the family name and company.”
“Which I’m doing an excellent job at by doubling its profit,” Zach says.
“But if they find out…”
“They won’t, Mother. You’re making an event out of nothing.”
Something she likes to do, but I keep those words to myself out of fear that she’ll burst into another wave of tears.
The rest of the dinner is strained to say the least. Mostly because Zach’s lack of empathy makes him not only stoic but also kind of evil. His thoughts, principles, and perspectives have taken a one hundred eighty-degree dive and he’s now a true nihilist.
Nothing is important and everything is senseless and useless.
