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And if that was his future, and if that was marriage, it made him want to look forward to it just a little bit.
But there was no need to look forward. Because they could just exist in these moments. Every day until the wedding. Because she would say yes. Of course she would. Because how could they ever go back. Which meant it had to be always. They couldn’t take a chance on anything else.
He took his wallet out of his back pocket and took a new condom out of there, then kicked his jeans and shoes off the rest of the way, before rolling the protection on quickly. Then he rolled over onto his back, gripped her hips and brought her down over him. “Next lesson. I want you to ride me. So that I can watch you. Give me a show.”
He brought her down slowly, positioning her on his aching length. She moaned, grabbing hold of his shoulders as she flexed her hips, taking him in deep. She began to move her hips, gracefully, elegantly. Like dirty poetry. And he had always imagined that his own brand of hedonism and Cara’s divinity could never mix, but he was being proven wrong here and now. Because something he would’ve said was profane, was very definitely not, not here and now. It felt sanctified somehow, and he would never be able to explain that.
And when she reached up and cupped her own breast, squeezed herself, then her nipple, as she continued to flex her hips over him, he just about died, and he’d be hard-pressed to deny the fact that he saw God in that moment.
Her golden hair was wild, and her lips were parted, her eyes closed. As she moved over him, riding them both into a frenzy.
And finally, he lost his patience. He turned her over onto her back, pinning her to the mattress, his thrusts hard and deep. She moaned, arching up against him off the mattress, and her orgasm broke over her, squeezing him tight. “Jace,” she said. And when she said his name it was music. When she said his name, it was fuel to the fire.
When she said his name, it was everything.
But it was when she bit her lip and looked up at him, those green eyes staring straight into him, as if she could see all the way down into what he was, that was when he lost it. It was when he looked full in the face of his best friend in all the world, while the wet clasp of her body was tight around his arousal, while her breasts were pressed up against his chest—that was when he lost it.
His orgasm was merciless, grabbing him by the throat and all but tearing it out, the growl that rose up from inside of him a prayer and a curse all in one.
And this seemed right. Sealing their new life together in this place. This place that had triggered it. This place that had been the first step.
He held her close on the bed for a long moment, until their heartbeats calmed down.
“Yes,” she said softly. “Yes, Jace, I’ll marry you.”
“Good,” he said, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. Because he could do that now. Because he could kiss her and touch her, and she could do the same to him, because they had erased those barriers between them. And he meant it, that it was good, but he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d said the wrong thing, because she didn’t look joyously happy, but she buried her face against his shoulder and fell asleep, so he figured it wasn’t all bad either.
How could it be?
They were best friends.
Eleven
She really wished that she had a different friend, other than Jace. And she had never really wished that before. She was perfectly fine having all of her friendship eggs in one basket. But the problem was, she had her friendship eggs in his basket, and now her relationship eggs, and she just wished that there was somebody that she could talk to. Somebody that would be able to reassure her that she was making the right choice. It was just that... Jace hadn’t said anything about being in love with her. And it was because she knew he wasn’t.
The thing with Jace was he was hardheaded, and he was stubborn. And he damn sure thought that his way was the best way. But what she couldn’t figure out was exactly why he had decided that he wanted this. She could circle around it. But she didn’t think she was quite hitting his motivation on the head, and that worried her a little bit. That she couldn’t quite parse it. Yes, she understood that he wanted to put down roots.
Yes, she understood that he could only see this going one of two ways.
That they would eventually take other lovers, or they had to commit to each other. And since Jace was kind of a paperwork, lock, stock, and barrel kind of guy, for him, the answer would be marriage, and not just moving in together. She knew him well enough to understand all of that. But she felt like there was something deeper. And the problem with Jace was he would never admit to that. He would never admit to the deeper. He would never even say it to himself. He was the man who swore up and down there was nothing after this life and he was totally fine with it. He was the man who didn’t believe in manifesting your dreams or any of that.
And she was the one who still talked to her grandpa like he was right there with her.
A slight smile lifted the corner of her mouth, and she turned and looked up at the Jack Daniel’s bottle. “Well. Jace wants me to marry him. I don’t know if you already know that. I kind of hope that you haven’t been spying on us. All things considered. But I told him yes and I’m worried. I’m kind of in love with him. Or I’m really in love with him. And I don’t think that that’s part of this for him. And that scares me.”
She waited. For something. For a rush of wisdom.
A glowing butterfly.
She didn’t get any of it.
“I think that if I told Jace I loved him he would run away. Because it’s like... He wants to do all these external things to take control, but it’s the stuff that he can’t control that he can’t deal with. And I get it. It’s because of Sophia.”
She took a deep breath. She wasn’t getting any answers. Not out of the silent whiskey bottle.
There was a knock at the back door of the bar, and she figured it was probably her delivery from the food services company. She went back into the kitchen, and opened the door. There was a stack of crates filled with various things. Frozen beef patties and other assorted things they needed for the kitchen. And then she heard a sound. A hawk. And she looked up, and saw a bird circling. And it filled her with a strange sort of hope. Sort of resolve.
“Is that you, Grandpa?”
