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I look at my mother, grab her hands, and say, “Okay, let’s get started.”
After the tests are completed and most of my afternoon is done, the doctor spends some more time with me, explaining how intense memory recovery can be and how I shouldn’t push myself too hard. I listen and in the end feel kind of hopeful. Hopeful to gain something back that might help me move forward. I am hopeful that it will be enough for me.
My mother stands at the curb in front of the office building, hugging me. I’m grateful for her because I need stability right now. My head feels dizzy! I am so overwhelmed by this afternoon that words can’t do it justice. Mom can be a pain, but I love and need her. I give her one last squeeze and we make plans to check in with each other tomorrow. I decide to walk a bit, hoping it will clear my head. I’m struck by all the people around me, walking, talking, or busy on their phones. I wonder if they would choose to forget a piece of their lives if they could.
Maybe it’s not so bad, or maybe it only feels bad because I know something is missing. Maybe ignorance is bliss…
I finally cave and look to hail a cab back to the hotel because the walk is too long. The city is always like this; the minute I don’t need a cab, they’re everywhere. Right now, however, is a different story. I keep walking while I look around, heading toward a grouping of trees by an office entrance. I know I can probably get one here, but as I walk I start to feel a sense of unease. It’s that feeling like someone is watching you. I start to scan the streets nearby, as the hair on my neck stands on ends. I don’t even know where I’m heading, no longer able to focus on which direction the hotel is in.
When I look behind me, nothing and nobody. There are people around, but no one of consequence to me. I look in front of me and to the sides… nothing again.
Why the hell am I so scared?There are people everywhere, but I want to run, fast, to get away, away from what? Away from whom? The thought slowly creeps in and settles in my mind. It’s Carter, I know it, deep down. He’s watching me.
I know Richard has been in contact with his family, and he has not been found. I also know Richard wants security with me all the time, but that would prevent Carter from finding me, and I need him to find me. Not today, though. Today I am afraid.
I stretch my arm out as a cabbie slows to a stop. I jump in and let out a breath. “Thanks,” I say gratefully.
“No problem, but I stopped for the other guy and he said to give it to you.”
“What guy?!” I turn in my seat, sure I’ll seehim.
“I don’t know, some guy,” he says, looking at me like I’m crazy. “You got a destination or what?” The goose bumps slowly leave my skin as we drive away.
I spend the cab ride talking myself down and reconciling that I am probably just paranoid. I have to be strong. If I ever get the chance to be in the same room as Carter again, I need to be strong enough to do what I have to do. I need to be able to commit murder. He’ll never stop until I stop him, and I can’t live like this. I deserve better.
When I get to the room, I see the light flashing on the phone, letting me know there is a message. I call the front desk and they tell me it’s a letter, so I arrange to have it delivered to the room (under the door) while I go take a shower. About a half hour later, Alex comes barreling in, yelling, “Mia!”
“Yeah, I’m in the bedroom,” I yell back. I decide not to share the story about Carter, because I need to keep that secret completely to myself.
As she steps up into the doorway she holds up a white envelope, waving it back and forth. “You have a letter.”
“Throw it on the bed.”
“No, read it! What if it’s important?”
“After the day I’ve had, I don’t want to read anything. I want to put on my pj’s, lie down, and watch romantic comedies with a bottle of wine. Are you in or out?” I start pulling out my best ratty flannel pajamas.
“Hell to the naw!” she says, standing straight up with both hands on her hips. “After the day you’ve had, we need to blow off steam! Get dressed little lady, we are going out!”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“Noooo, I’m not going anywhere.” Alex stares at me, hands on hips, and says, “Umm yeeeesss…” lifting an eyebrow like an evil villain.She is a villain!
“You are a horrible friend.”
“I’m the greatest friend, you are just not very good.”
“Shut up.”
Alex smiles and winks at me.
“Fine! I’ll go, but only if you answer a question for me,” I say, knowing exactly what I’ll ask.
“Shoot!” she says nonchalantly.
“Tell me what I’m forgetting,” I say looking directly at her. Alex looks at me with a tender smile and crosses the room, squeezing me into a giant bear hug.
