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"Then why did you do it? Why do you get suckered in by him?" he begged the question storming past her and sitting on the now empty bench.
"I don't know," she cried throwing her arms up in the air. It was a question she had always asked herself. A question anyone that knew her at all asked her. Jack was a douche, to put it plainly. He was the bane of her existence. He didn't deserve one second of her precious time.
She knew that.
Of course she knew that. If anyone knew what kind of pull Jack had on her, it was Lexi. She hated it more than anyone in this moment. It was the whole reason she had left Atlanta a year ago. She had to get away from him…to try and leave him behind. But that didn't just kill her affection for him. She didn't stop desiring him because of it. They had a connection, a chemistry that she had no idea how to explain to the outside world.
When they were apart she could feel all her thoughts of Jack slowly drain out of her. She didn't want him, not at all. She knew he was all wrong for her and that she would be better off focusing her attention elsewhere…preferably on the hunk of a man sitting in front of her. When they were apart, she could clearly delineate her desire and past love for the man from the hatred and sickening feeling she got when she thought about the fact that he was marrying another woman.
But when they were together, it wasn't so simple. Their train wreck of a relationship had been dysfunctional, but in a strange way it had worked for them. Not in a healthy, lovey-dovey relationship kind of way, but still…it had sort of worked.
Yet, she couldn't explain that to Ramsey. How could he possibly understand that? Even with knowing so much about her relationship with Jack, he couldn't ever really understand.
"I don't know how to explain," she finally muttered quietly.
"Well could you just try, because I'm at a loss."
"It's not as if you've been saintly," Lexi grumbled walking in a disgruntled circle. She hated going on the defensive in this situation, but she couldn't help it.
"I'm not saying I have been, and I'd apologize a thousand times over if you'd just let me, but that's neither here nor there." Lexi rolled her eyes but didn't deny his logic. "Please try to explain Jack to me."
"He's just…I don't know," she started again chewing on her bottom lip and forcefully pushing some hair behind her ear. "You don't want to hear me talk about him." She glanced back towards him briefly and saw that he was eyeing her very closely, but turned back away quickly.
"No really I do. I just can't fathom why you would be so stupid as to come out here with him," he stated the matter simply. "You know that only leads to things you'll regret." He didn't have to say that she knew better, but she heard it anyway.
Now, Lexi turned and openly stared at him. "You're the one who dragged me out here. You're the one who insisted I come to this wedding. I haven't seen Jack more than a handful of times in a year and certainly not long enough to have a conversation with him…" she began not able to keep her defensive nature down.
"Because you refused to see him," he cried interrupting her.
"Of course I did!" she shot back throwing her arms in the air. "Do you think I don't know what kind of effect he has on me?"
"If you know, then why go near him?" he questioned her. He sounded genuinely curious, but she could hear more. His breathing was shallow, and he was getting worked up.
"I had no plans of going near him. The last thing I wanted was to go to this wedding. You knew that and yet you asked me to go anyway," she said feeling like an idiot as soon as the words slipped out of her mouth.
"Are you trying to blame this on me?" he asked jumping down her throat at the first chance. "Because I'm pretty sure you refused to go to this wedding with me. Then Jack swoops in and invites you, and suddenly you change your story. There's really something f**ked up about that Lexi."
Lexi mouth fell open. "So there it is," she grumbled. "Just laying it all out there for me."
"You can't seriously deny that it's messed up," he implored trying to reason with her. Lexi crossed her arms refusing to give a response. "Fine, refuse to deny it. That's fine. Just I don't know try and explain Jack to me. Even though I'm in the man's wedding, I don't see the appeal."
"Ramsey," she muttered sighing heavily. "You don't want to hear this." She turned away from him not wanting to meet his eyes.
"Please, just help me understand," he said grabbing her by the waist and swinging her back around to face him.
Lexi puffed out the breath she was holding unsure of how to proceed with the conversation. She couldn't actually believe that he wanted to know what she felt for Jack…or didn't feel. She could hardly explain it to herself let alone him. And anyway, all it would accomplish was to hurt him.
Staring up into his emerald green eyes, she tried to think about Jack in a way that she could possibly explain to the man standing before her. They both had avoided the subject on numerous occasions, but now it was all catching up with her.
"He just…I don't know Ramsey, you really want me to talk about this?" she asked glancing anxiously around the enclosure. She was desperately trying to get out of this conversation. She figured if she kept asking then maybe he would change his mind.
"Please," he begged. Maybe not.
"Jack and I…" Lexi began hating the way the words fell from her mouth, "we've been through this kind of tug of war for…God, seven years now," she said still amazed at the length of time they had been playing this game. "We had this instant connection. Electric chemistry," she murmured trying not tell too much, but unable to lie about her and Jack. Lying to Ramsey did no good in this situation. She wanted to spare his feelings, but really she had tried to warn him. "It was like the sun only shined when we were together.
"Like the world fell away and it was just the two of us," she murmured softly trying to keep the adoration out of her voice, but finding it increasingly difficult. She could remember the way Chyna claimed she looked when she talked about Jack…dreamy-eyed and seductive. She hoped she didn't look like that now… "We have such a long history that when I look into his eyes that's all I can see. I forget the stupidity of what we've done and who could get hurt. I just remember the man who loved me once," she muttered softly her heart hurting at the admission. "It's like a moth to a flame."
