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“I can’t stay here a second longer.” I get up, and he immediately stands up too, his hand reaching out, ready to catch me.I hate this. I hate being the weak one.Again.I came here to get some answers, some power, and instead I got carried out of the room like a kid. “No one wants me here.”
His jaw works and he looks ahead into the street, where busy students hurry from one building to another. “Ok, ok, fine,” he says.
I follow the direction of his gaze. “Wait a second. What is this?”
He grabs the nape of his neck. I mean, he does look insanely hot all frustrated like that, but I kind of hate it when boys do that small gesture whenever they feel awkward. They always try to hide their insecurity, and they always fail. Why not just be honest about it?
Well, I’m one to talk.
I can’t find one human being to tell me the truth. So what do I know?
“I… I called a car,” Marco says. “You shouldn’t have to ride all the way back on my bike again. Especially after what I almost… What happened on the way here.”
“No car,” I say firmly. I want to say more, but it’s hard to breathe. My lungs are filled with water and drowning me alive.
“Olivia, you’ll be safer in the car.”
His arms are already coming around me, and he swallows, watches me struggle to breathe. Watches me being an idiot again.
“I want to go with you,” I gasp. “No car. No more people involved. No money trail. No questions. No…” I shudder and choke on pure air.
Why can’t I stop dying today?
“Fine, it’s fine, baby, I got you,” Marco says, bringing an arm around my shoulders. “I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll send them away. I got you. I got you.”
***
We set out for the trip back in a few minutes.
I can’t even process what just happened. But it occurs to me, as I climb back on the Ducati, my muscles screaming in protest, that the worst part of today is not the disappointment of getting no answers, or Angel’s enigmatic cruelty.
It’s Marco’s politeness and pity.
It’s all the times he murmurs ‘I got you’. It’s how careful he is with me. It’s how un-Marco he is suddenly being with me.
Out of everything, that is what brings it home to me just how hopeless my situation is. And that there will never be any turning back to the way things used to be. Because they never used to be the way that I thought they were: It was all an illusion. It was all in my mind.
Since yesterday, I have been swimming in a sea of lies.
And the moment I saw the BMW he ordered for me (he got what I call the ‘princess syndrome’ after all, didn’t he, wanting to protect me and handle me as if I were made of china) slowly peel off the pavement… That was when it happened.
The moment I felt his pity, the sea of lies pulled me under.
And drowned me.
/Marco/
[audio transcript]
Things are getting really crazy here, mom. Out of control.
Someone is thirsty for blood, and King Mihail’s scandal played right into their hands. This will end badly.
No matter what they tell you, mom, please know that I tried.
I tried my best not to let her die, I promise you.
I did not try my best not to die myself. And for that, I apologize to you, mom.
