AllFreeNovel
Share Us
His arms feel heavy and safe and familiar, somehow, and I forget to freak out about it being the second morning I’m waking up after having run away. I forget to wonder how much longer I have until either my killers catch up with me or I have to go back and face the music. I forget the pain, and I forget the lies.
His arms around me do that.
He turns around in his sleep, and I am pushed against his chest.
He opens his eyes and I swear, within seconds, I drown in them. Were they this blue yesterday? Was his skin this tan? Was his hair this light?
“Hello,” I tell him.
He jumps up so fast, he gives himself whiplash.Here we go,I think.Will he faint again? Throw up? Send me straight to hell?
Instead, he takes in a sharp breath and sits back down heavily, on the other side of the bed, grabbing the back of his neck. I know what that gesture means by now. I know what his every little mannerism means. When he shuts his eyes, he doesn’t know what to do or say. When he gets all distant and harsh, he’s scared. When he looks down and hides his eyes, he’s embarrassed about what he is feeling or thinking.
And when he grabs the nape of his neck: he’s drowning.
“G’ morning,” I say, relentless.
He’ll have to acknowledge me, and last night, and what happened between us. What we said, what we almost did. He has to; he can’t ignore it.
Well, I guess he can. But I wish he wouldn’t.
“Hey.” His voice is a rasp. “I’m—”
“If you apologize right now, I swear I’m going to lose it,” I say calmly.
He smiles. When he smiles, it’s a tossup. He might be so incandescently happy he’s in heaven—or he might feel that he’s already drowned and is giving up the struggle. It’s one of the two, and right now, I have no idea what that smile means.
“It’s so strange,” he says slowly, “isn’t it? That I know exactly what you are feeling right now by the way you speak, the way you move. I can read the way you breathe. I didn’t think it would be possible to know another human being so well, so deeply. If you’d told me I would know your reactions so well, I would laugh in your face, but it’s true. I know you better than all my friends put together. Better than my own mom, I think, at this point.”
I shiver unstoppably. Did he just say these things? Did these words just come out of his mouth?
“What did my ‘g’ morning mean’ then?” I say, even though I’m frozen to the spot.
Can he tell I was thinking the exact same thing?
But theexactsame thing.
“That you’re freaking out,” he says at once. “That you don’t trust me. That you think I might pretend that nothing happened last night. Or that I’m regretting it.”
“You literally almost said you’re sorry.”
“Iamsorry. I apologize, Olivia. I am so sorry.”
“Shut. Up.” I hiss through clenched teeth.
He turns around and faces me fully. His eyes are on me, and even though his chest is bare, gorgeous sculpted muscles on display, and all I can see are his endless blue eyes.
“I regret nothing,” he says slowly, deliberately. “I will not pretend it didn’t happen. I will not pretend that talking to you, kissing you… it was the best night of my life. I will not pretend that I am not deliriously happy, that I…”
His voice gets choked up and he stops, swallowing hard.
“I won’t lie,” he repeats when he has more control of himself. “I won’t lie and say that I’m not profoundly sorry that I took all these kisses and experiences from you. That we have developed all these feelings for each other, because you… You are who you are and I am who I am and…”
His words hurt me so much I can barely breathe.
Did he just admit he has feelings for me and in the same breath tell me it’s over? It’s impossible? Did he just say what he said?
I didn’t think even he could be so cruel.
