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Her arms folded tightly in front of her, she stepped to the middle of the room.
“Lights, fifty percent,” he said, and his smart home brightened.
She looked like she’d been crying and the tightness in his throat made his jaw ache.
She tried to smile, the worry in her eyes evident in the half-light. “Hi,” she said softly. “I was wondering if I should leave.”
One hand still on his hip, he looked away, trying to handle the stinging in his eyes. God, but she could turn him inside out. Finally managing to get a shaky breath past the lump in his throat, he looked at her, aware of how she was huddled in the warmth of her own arms, aware of the dark uncertainty in her eyes. That uncertainty stripped him to the quick, and he walked across the shadowed room toward her.
“No, O, I don’t want you to leave,” he whispered.
With a choked sound, she stepped into his arms, and he gathered her up in a tight embrace. She took a deep breath, then pressed her face into the curve of his neck as she slid her arms around his waist. She was trembling, like she had when he’d visited her after she was shot. He pressed a kiss to her temple, then slid his fingers along her scalp, cradling her head in his firm grip. The heavy, silky weight of her hair tangled around his fingers, the loose fall like satin down her back, and Dean closed his eyes and hugged her hard, a swell of emotion making his chest tighten. Damn, but she filled up that hole in him.
She took another breath, and he smoothed one hand across her hips and up her back trying to soothe her. Easing in a hard breath of his own, he brushed a kiss against her ear, then said, “I’m glad you’re here.” He tucked his head down against hers and drew her hips flush against him. “I didn’t lie. I am out of the Navy, and I only recently got involved with Hardass…I mean Harkness.”
A tremor coursed through her, and she dragged her arms free and slipped them around his neck, the shift intimately and fully aligning her body against his. “Really?”
“I swear, O.”
She raised her head. Something flashed in her eyes. Hope? Her faith in him was still strong.
“I was forced out of the Navy for my actions regarding Neo and Chry. It’s been harder than I thought, losing the team, my position, what I love to do.” She cupped the back of his neck, playing with the hair at the base. “I also had a drinking problem after I got kicked out. I holed up in Banja Luka, Bosnia. I’m not sure why I went back there. Maybe because it’s where I lost my way. It’s been a struggle back. I left everything here after Neo and Chry’s wedding.”
“I’m so sorry about all of that,” she said, meeting his gaze, the compassion burning in her eyes. “You’ve been through hell. Things are better? The drinking?”
He nodded. “I have thanks to the help of my teammates and a special person…Karasu, a teammate’s fiancée. She’s a badass operative.”
“I’m glad you had their support. If I’d only known—”
“You probably couldn’t have helped me. I needed to work through it myself. Hell, I’m still working on it.” Life had a way of working out, he thought. His faith in O hadn’t been misplaced. It must have taken a lot of maturity and thoughtfulness for her to show up at his loft. “Coming back to LA wasn’t my first choice. There are so many bad memories associated with this city.”
“So why LA then?”
“I held out the hope that maybe you came back here. I needed to clear up the estate stuff from my mom’s death, clean out the house, handle bank accounts, sell property, but the whole time, I was hoping you’d be here.” Surprise flashed in her eyes. “There’s already been too much miscommunication between us. Too much pain, too much sacrifice.” He looked away, a thick ache unfolding in his chest. Hell, where did he go from here?
His gut churned waiting for her answer, his resignation settling into a heavy, stoic feeling.
“Do you know,” she said, her tone soft, “that there were times when I wanted to reach out to you. So many times. It’s been such a long time, Dean. All the things in our past…it’s true there is a lot to sift through. I don’t know whether you want kids. In fact, it’s just hit me how little I do know about you.”
She held his gaze for a moment longer, then dropped her eyes to his chest. “You were always there when I needed you,” she continued, even more subdued than before. “Or when my parents were especially harsh. But you never came to me when something was bugging you. You never let me get close enough to find out how you felt about anything.” Her voice grew strained, and a cramp formed in his chest. “I always knew it and thought it wouldn’t change, but I got to tell you, it hurt…hurts like hell. It’s not how I want a relationship to be, so I thought it would be best to keep my distance from you.”
CHAPTERNINE
“Distance isn’t what I want.”Dean drew an unsteady breath and angled her head back, then covered her mouth in a kiss that was raw with regret, governed by the need to comfort and reassure. O went still. Then, with a soft exhalation, she clutched at him and yielded to his kiss. He wished he could draw her right inside him and keep her there forever.
Dragging his mouth away, he trailed a string of kisses down her neck, then caught her head again and gave her another hot, wet kiss. His breathing ragged, he drew back, holding her against his chest. He held her like that until his breathing evened out. Then, he turned, pulling her with him as he headed for the bedroom.
He paused by the bed and absorbed the moment, the way his body responded, the sensual feel of her skin against his, the way her eyes shone in the dim light. He brushed back her hair, loving the texture of silk against his fingers, trying to get a grip on the wild clamor rising up inside him. She reached for her shirt and his heart pounded with each released button revealing her creamy skin. He got her clothes off without letting her go. Somehow, he managed to get his own off, too.
“Protection,” he whispered, but she shook her head.
“I’m protected.” He took her at her word. If O said she was okay, then she was.
Overcome with tenderness and need, he lifted her onto the bed, then followed her down, settling her beneath him.
He felt as if his heart would explode, as if his lungs would seize up, if he didn’t get inside her, get as close to her as he could possibly get. She moaned softly and drew up her knees, urging him forward with her hands. Dean clenched his jaw and closed his eyes, burying himself deep inside her. God, so deep. So tight and deep.
He locked his arms around her, his whole body tingling as blood rushed through him, and he ground his teeth together, the sensory onslaught nearly ripping him apart. It wasn’t the sex; it was the physical connection, as if being inside her fused them into one united whole. Braced against the mind-shattering sensation, Dean remained rigid in her arms, waiting for the heated, electrifying urgency to ease. Releasing a soft sigh, she had no idea what she was doing to him, his heart trapped in his chest as he covered her mouth in a slow, softly searching kiss.
