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“I see,” Maddison laughed. “Now that you don't have a girlfriend, you're going back to me. Jerk move, Sammy.”
“Look, Mads. I don't know what happened between us but I want to go back to what we used to be.” And then, softly, “I miss you.”
Maddison looked away, picking up his bag and throwing it over his shoulder. “That's unfair, Sam.”
“Whatever I did, I'm sorry, Mads. I didn't want this fallout. I miss you. Mom misses you.”
“Well, I miss you too.” Maddison wanted to kick himself — how was he so soft for this jerk?
“Let's go? We can eat something at home, if you want?”
“Okay.”
“So what really caused this avoid-Sam-forever game you were playing, Mads?” Sam asked as they were walking home. They were almost to their houses, crossing the long bridge that had a pretty view of the sun setting. Maddison looked at the koi fishes at the river under the bridge. He decided to stop and lean on the wooden railing. The sky was a beautiful combination of orange and purple and pink, but Maddison didn't look at that. He looked at his favorite subject instead, of dark hair and hazel eyes and tanned skin and cherry lips.
Sam copied his position and Maddison averted his eyes this time.
“I was jealous,” he said, very quietly. He felt like saying everything that he kept to himself. Every single thing.
“Jealous? Of Ayako?”
Maddison nodded.
“Why would you be?” Sam asked, utterly confused.
“Yeah, why would I be, Sammy?” Maddison retorted, smiling bitterly.
“Mads...”
“You aren't very observant, Sammy. And you are so dense too. How could you not notice?”
“I don't —”
Maddison stood straight, facing Sam entirely and looking him in the eyes. “No, you don't. You don't know how I feel. You don't know why I'm stewing over this. You don't know how hard it is for me every time I see you with her, Sammy. You know nothing.”
“Mads —”
Breathing heavily and trying his best to stop the tears from falling even when his eyes were already blurry, Maddison said, “I love you, Sam. For a while now. I'm in love with you.” He watched as Sam's face changed, his expression going into shock, then confusion, anger, sadness, and sympathy.
“I'm in love with you, Sam. I'm sorry I'm telling you this now but I thought you should hear it from me. I knew in the way you treated me, in the way you cared about me. I knew since that last day of middle school when we were walking home and the sunset colors hit your features and made you look annoyingly beautiful. I couldn't look away ever since.” Maddison wiped his nose using the sleeve of his coat, looking down at his shoes. This sucked.
Sam looked in pain, as if any second he would throw up. He was pale already. Maddison knew, and yet it still hurt. So much. “Mads. I... I can't — I’m not —”
“You don't have to say anything,” Maddison said quickly, his voice cracking. His heart was cracking. “I already know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it. I just wanted to tell you. And now that you know, I'm finally going to move on.” With that, Maddison stepped away from the railing and walked, and then he was running, ignoring Sam's calls.
When he arrived home, he went straight to the kitchen where his parents were sitting for their late afternoon tea.
“Mom, I want to go to Wellspring next year.”
Chapter 3
If someone told Maddison he would be studying at Wellspring Academy, he would have laughed at that person's face and called them names because that would just be ridiculous.
But now, as he walked out of his dorm room and off towards the main building of the prestigious academy, he could do nothing but accept his fate. No, this wasn't fate. He refused to believe so. This was all his doing and his decision. The result of his actions. A way to forget and to start anew.
Something he wasn't very good at and something he didn't really want to do.
Why would he want to forget precious years of friendship and bond that were so rare and precious? Why would he move on from someone who exuded colors and dripped hues that made his world rich and vibrant — to the point where he thought, "Ah. If I lost this person, everything would be gray."
