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“I don’t have tea, but I have coffee,” he said.
He could hear Sam’s frown when he said, “Just water is fine.” Health freak.
Maddison got him a cup of warm water before turning up the heater. It was freezing outside. He hated that he had to sit on his own bed gingerly, Sam just a bit to his left. He didn’t know what to do with himself.
“I brought some food. Mom insisted.” Sam said after taking off his coat and placing them beside his backpack on the floor, leaving him on a gray shirt that was a little tight on his chest. Maddison wanted to look away, but before he did, Sam handed him containers and Maddison took it awkwardly, then awkwardly stood to open them on the desk, only a foot or so away from Sam. He awkwardly arranged the food inside the fridge before sitting back on the mattress.
“You’re not going to eat them?”
Maddison shook his head. “Thanks. I just ate.” He was sure the food was delicious but for pride, he was not going to eat them. Not when Sam was still here.
“Oh.”
The whole situation screamed awkward and Maddison hated everything about it. His bed sheet was suddenly the most interesting thing in the world given how intently he studied it.
Sam cleared his throat. “Mom...and dad. They miss you.”
Maddison was silent.
And then, ”I miss you.”
He looked up at him so fast he almost got a whiplash. But those words made Maddison angry again. He glared at Sam.
“It’s true," said the other.
“Bullshit,” Maddison hissed, then demanded, “What are you doing here?”
“I came here to see you.” Obviously.
Maddison dragged his hand down his face, hard. Frustrated, he could only shake his head minutely.
Silence. Again.
“You’re free to leave anytime,” said Maddison. He made to lie down but Sam’s voice stopped him.
He said, “Mads. Please.”
Maddison all but raised his eyebrow.
“I don’t understand how to deal with you when you’re like this. You were never like this. Can we please just talk?” Desperate, equally frustrated, Sam’s gaze burned on Maddison’s.
“What do we need to talk about, Sammy?” He said the name sarcastically that Sam flinched. Good.
“We have so much to talk about, Mads. It’s been months since we last talked. You exude so much hostility about you right now. You weren’t usually like this and I hate that you’re like this. And to think that maybe it’s because of me makes me so angry with myself. I also can’t comprehend — what happened to us?”
“Do you really need me to remind you, then, Sam? Or do you have selective memory and can’t remember what exactly happened to us?”
“No, it’s not that — “
“What, then?” Maddison said, voice a little higher. He was shaking again. He did not know why he was like this too. He was angry and sad and upset. Here was his best friend, visiting him, seeing him after months, but he was just pushing him away.
“You know exactly what happened, why we can’t be friends again. It’s hard for me, this is hard for me. Why are you even here? I was doing great until you messaged me days ago. You didn’t have to ruin it for me. I was doing fine. I was doing just fine.” A sob. His whole body wracked with it and nothing was more humiliating than this. His tears were coming back and he tried his best to stop them from falling.
A second later and there were arms around his shoulders, his face buried to a strong chest, the smell of spring and warmth. So much warmth. He could hear the heavy, steady thuds of a heart beating over his loud cries and he held on to Sam’s shirt.
God, he loved him. So much.
“Sammy — please.”
