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Now that the adrenaline and shock is wearing off, fear and regret roil together with sadness and I do feel like I could easily go to sleep.
“Yeah. Maybe I will.”
“There’s time to tell me the rest of it later. Just go home.” She reaches over to hug me and the tears spill over. I haven’t had anyone hug me in so long. It sets off the pain and despair that I’ve buried for years and I have to pull away, sniffling, my eyes down.
“I think I will go home. It was just such a shock.”
“Go, go.” She shoves me out the door. “I love you. When you’re ready to talk, just call me and we’ll get together and have coffee. You can tell me all about it.”
“You’re the best, Les.”
“I know.” She smirks at me, her blue eyes sparkling.
I gather up my things and head home, still half in a fog. But when I walk in the door to my tiny studio apartment, I sink to the ground and lean against the door, my arms tight around myself, crying for all the years I didn’t know my sister was living the life we always wanted. Crying for myself, that she didn’t want to call me and make amends, move past all the things that made her run. Crying that I must not have been good enough for her to want a future where we could be friends and hopefully one day…family again.
CHAPTER1
Jessica
“Are we almost done, Aunt Jess?” Miracle’s tired whine makes my heart melt. Her little face topped with blond curls and big, blue eyes is exhausted. Her little hand comes up to cover her rosebud lips as she yawns widely.
“Almost, sweetie. I’ve got to pick up a few more things from the grocery store and then we’ll head home.”
Our new home. As soon as the kids showed up at my house with some of their things that were picked up by the attorney, I knew I was going to have to move. The place I was in was alright for a young, unattached woman but for a family of three? No. I needed to move as soon as possible.
Luckily, my buddy Leslie knew of an apartment opening up in the building across from hers and the rent was very reasonable. The elderly woman was so sweet that I took it immediately. But I did wonder if maybe a little birdie had been gossiping a little bit and that’s why I got such a good deal.
I’m also not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. After years in foster care, pride was something I couldn’t afford to have.
“Let’s go, guys. I’ve got to hurry up and get this done and then we’ll head to our new home and get the Christmas tree and decorations that I bought put up! Won’t that be fun?”
Both of the kids just stare at me. My heart sinks down to my toes and I take a deep breath, trying to stave off the hurt that I feel. I know I can’t blame the kids for their response. They’re hurting. She might have been my sister but I hadn’t seen her in years. The kids lost their mom and their dad in one fell swoop. And then they went into foster care, a special form of hell as far as I’m concerned. Then when they’re starting to get settled down in the home they’re in…well, then they’re trundled halfway across the country to an aunt that they’ve never met who sucks dealing with kids.
Yeah. It’s definitely not their fault. My inadequacies are pretty easy to spot right now. Going from never having a family to a ready-made family made up of grieving children that I’ve never met? Not a recipe for an easy time.
But I pick Miracle’s slight little body up and pop her into the cart so she doesn’t have to walk anymore. Gavin walks alongside me pretending interest but I can see that even his sturdy body is drooping and he’s about ready to fall asleep too.
“I’m sorry, guys. I know I should have gotten this done earlier in the day but I had to sign the papers on the apartment and then renter’s insurance and all the other stuff to make sure that we could move in before Christmas since my new landlady is going on vacation to meet her family for the holidays.”
Gavin pulls his slight shoulders back and grunts. “We know. It’s alright.”
They say that but I don’t know if I believe it. “You know what? Maybe we’ll save the tree and decorations for tomorrow. That way we can all get some rest tonight. Moving everything in took more time than I planned as well.”
Both of them nod and I can see the relief on Gavin’s face. They’ve already had to move three times at least since last month. I’m sure they’re as tired of this whole thing as I am today.
I’ve never loved moving. Consider it a holdover from each move over the years…hoping that it was the last one only to have to move again.
As we’re walking through the aisles, I notice that Miracle looks a little blue and she’s clearly struggling a bit. The colder air tonight might be affecting her.
“Are you alright, baby? Do you need your inhaler?” She shakes her head violently, her mop of blond curls flying around her head.
“Are you sure? You don’t look so good.” As soon as I say those words, she begins gasping for breath, inhaling raggedly and her color turns an atrocious shade of blotchy clay.
“Oh my god!” I scrabble in my purse for the inhaler that I have to have on me at all times now but just as my fingers touch it, my purse strap breaks and all the contents of the bag are flung to the far corners of the aisle.
“No!” I scream. “Baby, try to breathe. Just hold on for me.” I hug her briefly, trying to calm her down but it’s too late for that now. Then I drop to my knees, scrambling around to find the inhaler.
“Where are you?” I mutter to myself, not surprised to look up and find about half a dozen people standing at the end of the aisle staring at me like I’m a crazy person. Probably because I am.
