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“Vincent?” I hear Olivia’s voice from behind one of the curtains. “Vince? I’m here.”
Following the sound of her voice, I yank at the curtain I think it came from. She’s lying on the bed in front of me, harsh lights shining overhead as tears stream down her face. A nurse sitting next to her has an ultrasound wand on Olivia’s stomach, and she’s holding her phone in the other hand, staring at a screen as she runs the wand from side to side. Her voice and features are relaxed as she speaks into the receiver.
“Both heartbeats are strong, doctor,” she says, and I feel like I can breathe for the first time since getting the call.
Sinking onto Olivia’s bed, I open my arms and pull her into them. She’s so damn pale and still crying, but she sits up and wraps her arms around my waist, quietly sobbing into my chest. My hands start stroking her back of their own accord, and as I hold her, I stare at the blobs on the screen and murmur into her ear.
“They’re fine, Livvy. They’re both okay. I think I can see them moving, and she just said both heartbeats are strong.”
She doesn’t reply, but I still don’t let her go. In fact, I just hold her tighter as my gaze stays locked on that damn screen that’s my only way of seeing my babies right now. It’s an awkward embrace considering the wand is still on her stomach while she can’t really sit up any more than she already is, but she’s sort of in my arms, and that’s all that matters.
“Breathe, Liv. I don’t know what happened or why you’re bleeding, but we’ll find out soon, okay? For now, just know that they’re okay. They’re okay. You’re okay. We’re all good here, love. We’re all good. I promise. We’re all good.”
The nurse has put the phone down while I’ve been speaking to Olivia, and she turns to me as she nods her agreement, her voice gentle and soft when she says, “He’s right, you know. You’re all fine. It’s always scary to start bleeding when you’re pregnant, and you absolutely did the right thing by coming in, but you have nothing to worry about. The doc will come check you out as soon as he arrives, but I don’t see anything to be alarmed about.”
Olivia pulls back but keeps holding on to me as she turns her head toward the nurse. “But I was bleeding. Why was I bleeding if they’re fine? Something is wrong. Something has to be wrong.”
The nurse gives us a kind smile, motioning for her to lie down and repositioning the wand on her stomach when she does. I take her hand, and she holds it tightly as we both look up at the screen that the nurse is pointing to.
“Look at that, honey. That’s fetus A right there, and he or she is dancing. Can you see that? You’ve got a real little wiggle worm there. And that”—she moves the wand again—“that’s fetus B. I know it’s not ideal to refer to them as that, but it’s just the way things are for now. Anyway, he or she is not quite dancing the same way as the other one, but they’re still wiggling. Do you see that? It’s more of a shimmy than a full-on dance. Oh, and look. There are the feet, kicking away happily. I know it’s really scary when you start bleeding, but there really isn’t anything wrong.”
Both of us just stare at the screen, absolutely transfixed as she keeps explaining what we’re looking at for a few more minutes.
Dr. Cheerful appears then, looking considerably less cheerful than he was in his office but still smiling as he takes the nurse’s place. “Vincent. Olivia. It’s good to see you both, although I know the circumstances aren’t wonderful. Let me just take a quick gander at these two tiny dancers of yours, and then we’ll talk more.”
Neither of us responds. I don’t even think either of us is breathing. I know for a fact I’m not. As I sit there, waiting to see what the next expression on his face is going to be with my heart hammering my ears and my entire being seemingly teetering on a knife’s edge, I realize something. A week ago, I didn’t even know about these babies. More than that, a week ago, I was drowning myself in scotch over the mere fact that theymightexist.
But right now, I feel like I’ll stop existing if they do. I don’t know when or how it happened, but it feels like my life has been tied to theirs. I want—no, I need them to be okay more than I’ve ever wanted or needed anything else.
With everything else going on, I haven’t really thought much about how I feel about all this. I mean, how Ireallyfeel about all this. I’ve been going through the motions and doing everything I can to make everyone else happy, but this is the first time I’ve really thought about myself.
And the thing is that in this moment, I don’t even need to think about it. I just know. I know that I want these babies, and I know that I want to be the best father they ever could’ve asked for. I know that my life is about to change in ways I can’t even fathom right now, but I also know that I want it to.
It’s the last fucking thought I ever expected to have, but as I wait for the doc’s opinion, I realize I’m ready. How the fuck it happened, I don’t know, but it did. I’m more than fucking ready, and the moment I realize it, I whisper it into Olivia’s ear because she needs to know.
“I’m ready for this, Livvy. I’m ready to be a father. I’m ready to be a husband. I’m ready to rock the shit out of this parenting thing, and we’re gonna do it. I’m ready for the sleepless nights and the chaos. I’m even ready to step on a fucking Lego on my way to the bathroom in the dark. I’m just… I’m ready.”
“Me too,” she whispers back, closing her eyes before she opens them and looks right into mine. “Are you sure, though?”
“I’m sure,” I reply steadily because it’s true. “I’ve never been surer about anything in my life. I know I fucked up, and I really am sorry. I freaked out when I should’ve been there for you. I can’t do anything to change the past, but I can promise you I’ll be better in the future. I’m not doing it from Maxim’s anymore, though. When we leave here tonight, I’m going home with you, and I’m staying. I’ll sleep on the fucking couch if I have to, but I’m not leaving you again.”
The doctor chuckles, drawing our attention away from each other and back to him. When he sees us looking, he clears his throat. “I’m sorry to interrupt what I can tell is a very important conversation, but I’ll leave you to it in a moment. My dearest Angie—that’s the lovely nurse who took care of you earlier—was right. The babies are absolutely fine. Everything looks good here. I’m going to sign your discharge papers now, but I want you to come back to my office to see me on Monday. Just for a checkup, not because I’m worried about anything.”
“Why was I bleeding, then?” Olivia asks.
He smiles. “Most women experience some bleeding during pregnancy. It’s completely normal, especially when you’re carrying multiples. A lot is happening in your body right now, and one of those things is increased blood flow. Your uterus is expanding, your hormones are surging, and your cervix is under more pressure than ever. I’m sure Angie would’ve told you this already, but let me reiterate. You did the right thing by coming in, and if you experience any more bleeding, you should definitely come in again. But as of right now, I don’t see any cause for concern. Just take it easy this weekend, okay?”
He looks at me. “You might not want to hear this, but I’m also prescribing no intercourse at least until your checkup on Monday. We’ll talk about it more then, but for now, no sex.”
I nod. “No sex. Got it. You’ve got my word, doc. I won’t even touch her.”
“There’s no need to go to extremes, but intercourse right now could trigger more bleeding, which we obviously want to avoid. In general, sex during pregnancy is absolutely fine. It sounds like you guys have a lot to work out anyway, so if you do make up over the weekend, just do it without any penetration.”
After giving us another minute of looking at the twins, he removes the wand from Olivia’s stomach and gets up. “Call me if you need me. Isabella has my personal number. Don’t hesitate to use it, but let’s hope you don’t have to. Good luck, guys. I’ll see you both on Monday.”
With that and another smile, he leaves us to go sign the discharge papers, and I pull Olivia back into my arms. “They’re okay, baby. They’re fine. You’re fine. Let’s go home.”
She holds on to me for a long moment, and when she pulls back, tears are streaming down her cheeks again. “Did you mean what you said about being ready, or was it just a knee-jerk reaction because you panicked?”
