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I squeeze my eyes closed. “I don’t know.”
“This?” His right hand slides slowly down my body to the wet front of the silky boxers. “From now on you only wear these. No regular panties for you. You’ve sentenced yourself to a lifetime in them. It’s these or nothing at all.”
Nodding, I rock my hips up to meet his hand.
“Tell me you belong to me.” It’s a demand.
I squeeze my eyes tighter as I shake my head. I can’t say what he wants me to but I don’t dare open my mouth to tell him no. I’m too afraid he’ll take his hand away from where I need it most.
“Tell me you belong to me,zhena. Tell me you’ll never leave me.” He nips at the soft part of my ear as a thick middle finger traces over the wet silk.
“Tell me and I’ll make all your wishes come true. Everything you need, I’ll give you. All of it is yours. Tell me.” He growls low into my ear.
I believe him. Aleksander wants to give it to me. All I have to do is say what he wants me to. “I belong to you. I’ll never leave you.” I exhale the words in a pant.
“Again.” He nips at my ear.
“I belong to you, Daddy. I’ll never leave you.”
With a growl he tears the silk boxers from me. Two thick fingers push easily into me, I’m so wet.
“Yes. Please. Oh god.”
“Yes,malyshka. I am your new god. Please me and I’ll give you the world. Anger me and I’ll destroy everything in my fury. Don’t,malyshka. Please don’t anger me,” is whispered into my skin. A warning. A plea. I believe him. He doesn’t want to be angry. And he’ll destroy everything if I make him angry. Including me.
He finds the tight bundle of nerves and sends me crashing hard into frothy white waves that pull me under.
Gradually, the world comes into focus again. Strong arms hold me tightly around my middle. He’s hard, a rock I’m plastered on to keep from going under.
“That wasn’t fair,” I whisper.
“And that’s why there are safe words and scenes. I’m not fair.” He isn’t the least bit apologetic. “I won’t be fair. Not when it comes to you and me. You belong to me. Know that and accept it now, or the next few months will be long ones. It is my responsibility to take care of you in everything you need or want. From ensuring your computers are top of the line and your connection untraceable, to getting you your favorite sausage and peppers with a slice of mozzarella and splash of sauce on it roll once a week.”
“How could you possibly know everything about me?” Shock enables me to sit up.
A hand goes into my hair and brings me back to him. He presses his lips against mine, a gentle press—almost sweet. “I had Valdez find out everything he could. I told you. I’m not playing fair. The time I spent learning about these things was just that: playing. I didn’t need it. It was amusing but it wasn’t real life to me. Andthisisn’t that. We’ll have safe words always if you feel you need to use them. Butthisisn’t how we are doing things. This is about you seeing a whole community exists for things you feel shame around. It’s why there is a community, so people won’t feel so alone and can more easily identify others who share the same interests as them.”
“Why won’t we do scenes or whatever?” I’m curious.
“Because this isn’t about scenes. This is about living our lives. I need you to trust whatever permission you give me with your body I have honored it in the past and I will with you. I’ve been balls deep and stopped mid-stroke when a safe word was given. One of the hardest few minutes of my life.”
“Why did she use her safe word?”
“The leather strap had slipped and with every thrust inside her it was digging into her skin, causing her pain. I stopped, we fixed it and we continued.”
“You don’t need anything?” I’m not sure if I’m relieved or not.
He shrugs. “I’m a simple man. I need an enthusiastic woman, control, and that’s it. Even the control I require is hardly overt, a hand around a throat or in her hair. It’s not as though I’m going to tie you to the bed or restrain you—unless it’s what you need. I’ve never done anything that a woman told me she didn’t like. I don’t want to beg for sex. It’s not something I will do.”
Is it a warning? I can’t stop thinking of him with the woman he was carrying that morning as he carried me into the formal living room. “Nothing? You were carrying the woman that morning.”
For a long moment he considers the question. “I never thought of it before. But now that I do, over the years, I’ve gotten annoyed with how slow women are wearing high heels and picked them up to speed things along. I’ll admit I liked it. I’m a big man, and I was warned by my father to be careful with women. It was a reminder as well as a way of taking care of what’s mine.”
That gentleness in his touch flashes again when he holds me. I wasn’t wrong. “You wouldn’t have made it painful when you killed me.”
A tug of his lips. “No. Even when I was sure I needed to for my brother’s protection. You would never have seen it coming.” His phone alerts. He pulls it out. “I need to go into work now. I’ll be home in the morning. Then I’ll sleep until eleven. Normally, it’s an hour or two later. However, tomorrow we join my family for lunch in the suburbs. My brothers and my mother especially are looking forward to meeting you.”
Sliding off his lap, I shake my head. “No.”
