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“Phoenix, this is Karina. Karina, my wife.”
“Drink?” she asks me.
I shake my head, so does Daddy. Once I'm seated I notice she's lighting a cigarette without ever asking for permission. Something tells me she doesn't ask permission from anyone for anything.
She looks to Daddy. “I do believe the time for my assistance has come to an end.” Even though she’s looking at Daddy, she doesn’t miss my surprise. “Your husband sought my advice. A long time ago I was once you. I was afraid, hurting, bought and sold. I was nineteen, young and stupid. I went to a nightclub for a night out with my friends. A week later I was here in this building.”
I’m stunned. She looks nothing like what I thought a woman who went through everything she did would. I guess there is no way of knowing, but I don’t understand why she’s still here.
Her chuckle is rich. “Your surprise, my dear, is why your husband came to me. No, I am no longer a weeping woman in pain and tortured by what I went through. I do believe a part of the reason is how precious Americans treat virginity. Purity culture, I believe it's called. Sex is some magical, mystical thing, and only those who treat it as such deserve it. Which is ridiculous. silly. Sex is wonderful. An orgasm is a powerful thing. The power became where it was at for me—in those few minutes I held the power. And I had an orgasm to prove it. There are people who would think I betrayed something, maybe even myself by not only accepting my fate, but reveling in it. I think I would be betraying myself by not admitting I liked my life.”
I can’t find my tongue.
Daddy clears his throat. I tear my eyes from her to find him running his hand down his tie. “I sought her inner thoughts in how best to open your mind to accept a part of you that you sought to deny. There was a business issue today here in the building I had to see to. Before I left, I saw her to thank her. I did not think to prevent her hug, which is where I picked up the trace of her perfume, and as you can see she smokes. Satisfied?”
I sink into myself, ashamed I doubted him for even a second.
“You are entirely too much like your father.” She chuckles. “Your father spent every visit as miserable as you are on the same sofa.”
Daddy stiffens. “What?”
Blowing the smoke out, she nods. “Your father visited me once a week, but he never touched me.”
“There is no reason to lie,” Daddy mutters.
“Why would I lie? I’m aware all of you were perplexed why your father would visit me when he loved your mother so much. It’s because he did love her. Your uncle was always a problem, but when your grandfather became one he thought it best to convey the lie he wasn’t as enamored with your mother as it appeared.”
“My grandfather?”
A regal nod. “There was a reason why your uncle wanted your mother. He felt it was unfair his wife was not only his.”
“What?” Daddy shakes his head.
“Your uncle resented the hell out of your grandfather in the beginning, but in the end he became so reconciled your cousin Ivan was named not for his grandfather, but for his father. When I became accepting of this life and spoke to your father about what I wanted, he began sharing the stress he was going through. His father thought the additional time he spent with me meant he was fucking me. Once he believed that, he was less interested in your mother. Your father decided to continue the charade. I was happy to help your father, I was more than willing to be with your father. Yes, I was in love with him. It didn’t matter, all he wanted was your mother.”
Daddy is as stunned as I was. Shaking his head, he sighs, “Phoenix.” His use of my name hurts more than everything else has today. “Is there anything else you need to know?”
I shake my head.
Standing, Daddy nods. “Thank you. I apologize for taking your time twice today,” he says to her.
“My pleasure.” She flutters her fingers at him. He turns away, to me, and she winks. “Daddy is upset because he’s hurt. Daddies are not as bulletproof as they think they are.”
Her words remind me of the threat against me. Daddy was in the line of fire, protecting me from everything. I had one thing to offer Daddy and I couldn’t give it to him the way he deserved: trust. He hadn’t done a thing for me to doubt him either… I search for why I was afraid Daddy was with someone else, when he’d left already desperate to get back to me.
I’m so lost in thought I don’t even realize we’re home until my door is open. Daddy is still in the car. He’s not getting out with me. “Daddy?”
“Go inside, Phoenix. I need some time with my anger. I don’t trust myself to touch you as angry as I am right now.”
“I’m sorry.” I choke on the words. “Good things don’t happen to me and if they do, I never get to keep them. From the time you told me I was yours, I was waiting for you to come to your senses. You deserve someone who isn’t as twisted and messed up as I am. Someone you didn’t have to take care of, someone who took care of you.”
His eyes are a mournful chocolate. “Go inside, Phoenix.”
It’s a smack without him touching me. I slide out of the car. Inside I roam the empty house. I hate it. After almost an hour, I can’t take another minute alone and nearly run to the other house. We walked the place a few days again to plan updates. Before we left Daddy took me on the floor of the room we picked as ours.
I roam all the way up to the room, needing to see it. As I walk through the door of the bedroom, I’m caught from behind, my hair pulled back. Before I can process what is happening, my dress is torn from my body. Fear sends a scream from my throat.
“Shut the fuck up.” The words are growled low. “You scream for cock, I’ve heard you do it. You’ll take my cock screaming.”
