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His eyes had shadows underneath them, and his brow was lined, like he hadn’t been sleeping well.
Good.
He’d left her ruined in the biblical sense of the word, possibly bearing his child, and with a broken heart. The first she didn’t care about, the second hadn’t occurred, and the third would heal if only he’d leave her alone. Undoubtedly, she wasn’t blameless in this situation, but he had left when she’d given him everything.
“Here’s the truth,” Emmett said abruptly. “I’ve behaved abominably. I always wanted you, and I should never have allowed you to believe I would ruin your reputation if you didn’t agree to our engagement. I wouldn’t have. But you didn’t know that, and had no good reason to trust my honor given I’d shown you so little of it. I said I wouldn’t lie to you, but I did. Every single day, I pretended this was a game to me. I told you at the beginning you were a useful expedient to avoid a real marriage. That was an outright lie. Everything I did was to try to win you, but how could you know that, or trust me, given how it all started?”
He lapsed into silence, searched her face for something, took two hasty steps toward the window, then back.
She stared at him, unable to believe her eyes or her ears.
Dragging his hands through his hair, he heaved in a breath and met her gaze again. “Another thing I lied about. I can’t just travel with you all the time. I cannot leave my family again for years on end. If I did, eventually I’d be miserable. I shouldn’t have offered something I couldn’t fulfill.” He gave a wry laugh. “But I make rash decisions when you’re around because I want you so much. I tell myself anything is worth it if you’ll be mine. If I can be yours.” He hesitated, then said softly, “If you could love me. Tell me honestly, Gina, do you want us to be together?”
She hardly dared breathe. Hope, which had been so thoroughly crushed, sprang up like grass after rain.
“I can’t be with you if it means compromising everything I want to do,” she said, hating the words. But they were honest.
“The season.” He took three quick steps toward her and stopped. “My father is still alive and can still fulfill some of his duties. My mother will be happy enough to manage my sister, and if I were in town, I wouldn’t be at the estates, so I might as well be abroad. The summer is the only part of the year worth spending in this country anyway,” he continued, his expression an agony of determination overcoming fear. “May to October we could spend at our estates. See in the harvest, then go on our next adventure. We’ll plan and combine trips to wherever you want to go with the sales trips I need to do.”
That left a lot of the year. Most of it in fact. He couldn’t mean... It was impossible, wasn’t it?
“And if a child comes?”
He raised his brows. “We’ll try to time it so you’re somewhere convenient, and safe. I hear medicine in the east is far superior to England, for instance. If you’re with child from this first time it will arrive in September. We’ll be away now until the summer, then we could be traveling together again, maybe beginning with a long sea voyage where there wouldn’t be much to do, by October. With the baby.”
“I’m not with child.”
He nodded and there was disappointment mixed with relief in his expression.
“People manage,” she ventured. “We could manage. We’ll have each other and children and we’ll make any adventure work.”
“We’ll use French letters in future. I’ll keep one in my pocket, so it’s always available. I didn’t bring one for this visit because…” He shrugged and his mouth twisted ruefully. “I didn’t dare hope. I didn’t know you would decide to tempt me.”
“I don’t think I knew either.”
“Gina.” He huffed out a sigh and dragged a hand down his face. “I know it’s meeting halfway, not what you really want. But please. I love you and I was a fool to throw out that edict. I can live with you not loving me, that can build with time. We understand each other, we’re friends, and you desire me. Successful marriages have been built on less.”
Her mouth had dropped open. This man. “You’d do all that for me?”
“Yes.”
“Without love?” Or so he thought.
“I have enough for both of us.” He gave a sad smile. “If you can compromise, I’ll love you and accept you being with me as enough, and hope you never fall in love with someone else.”
He was unbelievable. The very best of men, and she hadn’t seen it in six long months. Or rather, it had taken her six months to trust and realize his worth. See that she had a friend, a partner, a conspirator in him. She’d thought she’d chosen that embroidery design for him with no thought at all. But her heart had taken in everything he’d told her and cherished it.
She’d nearly wrecked this precious chance at love; she’d nearly lost him. But he was too good, too generous by half and she could see it now.
“I do love you.” She was on her feet, her embroidery hoop clattering onto the floor, and at his side in one motion, gripping his coat and pulling him to her.
His eyes widened. “Gina, don’t tease me. I mean it this time. No more lies between us.” His voice was hoarse with emotion.
“I do. I love you so much.” It had crept up on her, this love for him. It was as transparent as a spider’s web, and just as sticky. Because it wasn’t a brash love that announced itself, she hadn’t seen it until she was thoroughly caught.
“Gina.” He slid down onto one knee.
Her heart doubled its time. Only three days ago he’d stormed out of the house and her life. There was no way he was going to propose.
