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14
Adam
Shewasrelentless,butI knew one thing: I would regreteverything, because she was something I couldn’t keep.
I stood there watching her walk away, like an idiot. My brain and my body were on fire after what she’d done to rile me up, but something kept me from following. A nagging voice somewhere deep in my brain whispered that I’d wanted this for too long, and I still didn’t deserve it, even after all these years...
Had I done this for the right reasons?
Hell, no.
I saw my chance and took it: Madelyn needed to appear happily married in order for Sacred Heart to approve Daniela’s adoption, and her need was my gain.
Madelyn was everything now that she hadn’t been at seventeen: confident, strong, accomplished, seasoned by time and experience. She’d always been headstrong, but now she was fully grown, that sass turned into a confidence hard-earned, and the guilt I felt for taking advantage of the situation was ridiculous. Everything she’d done pointed to the fact she wanted me, but Steve’s warning rang in my ears:She’s been hurt bad, Beckman. If you hurt her, I’ll fucking murder you and no one will find your body.
He might have cracked half a grin, but he hadn’t been joking, something that was rare coming from my best friend. I knew he meant it too, and though he knew I’d never intentionally hurt his sister, he knew something about her that I didn’t. He had more details about what she’d suffered and I guessed that the experience still colored her interactions with life, and men, in general.
Stupid,my brain interjected into the middle of the thought process,you really fucked this up. You let her think you were being generous and now she thinks you’re going to walk away when you’re done with her.
The hell I would. Madelyn had been the unobtainable–my unobtainable–since she was a teenager, and now that I’d gotten the smallest taste of her, I wanted to drink my fill, something I knew I’d never get. I’d managed to worm my way into her life and the problem was that I was already in over my head.
I was also unsure of whether I needed to admit to her my actions hadn’t been entirely altruistic, not sure I liked the idea of her knowing she had the upper hand. That hadn’t gone all that well for me the last time I was married.
It took me a while to gather my wits and talk down the situation raging in my pants. If I didn’t take a minute to get myself together, I’d stalk right after her and gladly take what she was so freely offering.
Bailey nudged my leg and trotted past me, out of the kitchen and down the long hallway, toward the back of the house and I followed slowly, trying to tell myself I should sleep on the sofa but completely incapable of keeping my feet from going to her.
The low hum of the ceiling fan was the only noise in the darkened room and I cursed myself for being unable to stay away. I could smell the warmth of her skin, every cell and nerve ending in my body on hyper alert, reaching for her even when I wouldn’t allow my hands to do the same.
I put myself through a punishingly cold shower and brushed my teeth, then slipped quietly from the bathroom to pull a t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts from the dresser.
From the shape in the bed, I could tell Madelyn was sprawled across the sheets, naked, but she wasn’t sleeping. The erratic pattern of her breathing told me I’d walked right into her ambush, and when I slid in next to her she rolled to face me. My whole body tensed, expecting her to attack, but she didn’t. Instead, she sighed, a resigned sound. Then she reached for the hand I had tucked under my pillow, her fingers sliding over mine in the darkness and she rolled up to tuck her back into my front, pulling my arm over her.
My heart melted a little when she opened my fingers, to kiss the band encircling my ring finger, then the palm of my hand. She breathed a deep, shuddering breath when she did it, and I suspected there was an emotion running through her stronger than desire.
I had to explain myself to her; explain why I couldn’t lead her on, because that was what would happen. Feelings would get involved, more than they were already, and I couldn’t be responsible for breaking her heart.
“Hailey saved me,” I said softly, her hair tickling my lips when I spoke. It was something I didn’t talk about; even Jess hadn’t known that Hailey was my guardian angel.
The truth was that I didn’t have many memories of my mom. She’d died when I was only three and it had thrown Dad into an understandable spiral.
“The tribe had a social worker sent out…” I didn’t even know how to start the story, since it was one I never told. “When Mom died I was taken almost immediately. Apparently someone had lodged a couple concerns about my welfare, even before Mom passed…but that was the tipping point.”
Madelyn drew in a sharp breath.
“We never figured out who it was; Dad figures it was my uncle–Mom’s brother–not willing to step up and help, but more than willing to stir the pot–he’s always hated my dad.”
I had brief flashes of memory from that age, being put in the back of someone’s car while Dad broke down in tears on the front lawn, begging as he watched me being driven away. The memory haunted me to this day, just that snapshot of him, heartbroken.
Madelyn’s back rose and fell softly against my front and she curled my fingers over her own, bringing them to her lips as she waited for me to finish the story.
“Hailey was new to the area…I was maybe her third case and she was a kid herself. I don’t remember much of it–Dad told me later.” I closed my eyes for a moment, remembering still pictures of the woman who came to visit me in foster care. I didn’t remember much about the house or the family, except that I was always cold and usually hungry.
“I was scared.” The words stuck in my throat, the terror I felt all those years earlier coming back to me, the one clear emotion I could still feel all these years later. I felt like a little kid again, just saying it.
Madelyn rolled over carefully, plastering herself to me like she could press comfort into me through her skin–and it kind of worked. I drew in a calming breath and twisted my neck a little to kiss the top of her head.
“I wasn’t there long, according to Dad. A certain someone made a strong case that I was better off in a stable family environment…” I swallowed hard, wondering if she was making a correlation yet. “So Hailey rescued me.”
