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I want to be an actress. I want to provide for my mom. I want to pay her back for everything she’s done for me since Dad died.Even then, they weren’t the right answers, and a harsh sob tore from my throat.I want something real with just one person.
Brandon’s image floated up from the abyss behind my tightly shuttered lids, and my breath caught in a hiccup. His tender smile, the intense look in his eyes, the way his ears twitched when I so much as parted my lips, ready to take in what I had to say... it was real for him.
“I need to figure out what’s really going on.” My own mumble steeled my heart and killed the flurry in my head, and I gripped the wheel with white-knuckle tightness. “Even if Brandon didn’t realize it, he signed the papers. It’s that simple.”
But was that worth killing for a lonely man whose life had been mapped out from the moment he was born, doing something he didn’t know anything about? Did ignorance breed hatred, not just for him but for me as well?
ChapterSeven
KATERINA
“That’s a horse.” Gazing warily at the huge dappled animal, I pursed my lips at Brandon’s heartfelt laugh. Goosebumps washed my arms and chest when he gingerly held my arm, and I tore my gaze off the two beasts to catch his sparkling gaze. “How do you even know that I know how to ride a horse?”
“I watched your TV show, or the episodes you were in, at least.” His ears tinged redder than my face, and he squeezed me before stepping back. Embarrassment clung to my ribs like tar, and I rolled my lips between my teeth as he cleared his throat. “You were really good, Katie. I thought, you know, that we could take a ride to where I want to take you rather than driving.”
My earlier meltdown felt a hundred light years away as I turned to face Brandon and a warm smile tilted my lips. Reaching to palm his shoulder, blood rushed to my cheeks when he stepped forward and my fingertips grazed his cheek. Wide eyes met mine, and I tentatively cupped his strong jaw as my heart hammered against its cage.
“It’s a great idea, Brandon.” That boyish grin that melted my insides stretched between his cheeks, and he covered my hand with his palm. Licking my lips nervously, I closed the distance between us, and I held my breath as his hitched loudly. “Ah... do you know how to ride a horse? Or did you... did you just think this would be romantic?”
“I know how to ride.” Blood drummed in my ears, almost drowning out the dark thread in Brandon’s mumble, and my core clenched. His gaze didn’t waver for what seemed like forever, and his fingers crept up my cheek. With arduous slowness, he ducked his head, and my eyes widened in surprise long before his lips met mine.
So, unlike our last kiss, this one was soft and tentative, exploratory, and shocks bounced around my chest. Brandon’s distorted face disappeared behind my eyelids, and I pushed myself up without thought. His hand slipped to cup the back of my head, and my nipples tightened when he pressed against me to fully close the distance between us.
“I thought it would be romantic, too.” Humming dumbly at his mumble, I heaved a breath before forcing my eyes open, and Brandon smiled secretly. “Don’t expect an apology this time, Katie.”
“I don’t.” A soft knicker wiggled into my scope of comprehension, and I blinked hard before our moment came crashing down around us. Every ounce of blood in my body surged to my cheeks, and Brandon tensed before stiffly untangling his hand from my hair. Pulling my hand to my chest, I held my fist to my heart in a desperate attempt to keep it inside me, and he stepped away without looking at me.
“Ladies first.” Gesturing me toward the horses and the handler holding their leads, Brandon’s expression flashed with self-deprecation, and my furious heart ached for him. “I learned how to ride horses as a kid and figured that one day, it’d come in handy... but I haven’t ridden either of these horses before. I rented them. It’s... a perk, I guess... of having money.”
“I don’t get it.” Desperate to get rid of the heat throbbing through my veins, I swiftly mounted the dappled gray with a practiced swing of my leg. Appreciation flickered in Brandon’s eye when I glanced at him, and I held my reins loosely as he climbed onto the solid sandy horse to my left. “Why did you start learning in the first place? I mean, you’re not wrong. It is a useful skill to have, but... what scenario could you possibly be in that you’d need to ride a horse?”
“A date, obviously.” Shooting him a weak glare, I giggled as Brandon seemed to grow more confident. My lips tingled, and he clipped his heels against his horse’s sides to start off. “No, ah... my mom loves horses. That’s how she and my dad met... at a horse competition. She used to ride competitively. They were married within a couple of weeks, and she told me once that the stables were where she went when my dad got ornery.”
“Butyou don’t have horses anymore? Why?” I’d spent weeks learning to ride, and the rhythmic jostling no longer bothered me as a darkness swept across Brandon’s face. “You don’t have to answer. I—”
“No, it’s okay. Really. We don’t have horses anymore because... my mom doesn’t love anything anymore, to be honest. She’s... she’s like a ghost, invisible even in her own life.” He gave a little huff as my heart squeezed so hard that it threatened to stop beating and I held my hand to my chest. “Don’t get me wrong. She loves me, just ... it’s just—”
“She has no zest for life.” Nodding curtly, Brandon met my gaze as I trailed off, and we rode leisurely down a long strip of field. The warm breeze couldn’t melt the ice lodged in my throat, and I tightened my grip on the reins before speaking up. “My... my dad committed suicide when I was ten, and my mom was never the same again. We went from suburban perfection to living in a car, to living in a single-story, one-bedroom house in the worst part of town... all of it in a single instant. With a single decision..."
“Money isolates people. My mom was upper-class. Her parents collectively made a good income. She went to private schools, lived on a ranch, and had a private chef. But when my mom married my dad, all of her friends wanted to use her. She doesn’t talk about it much with me, but my grandparents weren’t afraid to share. My father’s side of the family hates her insanely, so she just sits in this huge house, all alone. I guesshaving the opposite problem produces the same result.” Humming softly in agreement, I glanced over as Brandon rubbed his jaw hard. “I’m sorry about your dad. I can’t imagine how hard it was. There’s some sort of sick solace in knowing that my parents didn’t love each other.”
“Have you ever thought of quitting?” Changing the subject with a ruthless lack of tact, I gulped down the dense lump in my throat and rolled my shoulders. Brandon cast me a quizzical look, and I took a short moment to collect my thoughts and, more importantly, push the thought of my father out of my head. “I mean, you must have money squirreled away. It’s not like you’ll be thrust into poverty, right? Your companies are worth billions, you said, so..."
“Do you remember when we first met, and you asked me what I was passionate about?” Nodding as my heart rate stabilized, I rolled my lips between my teeth to stop myself from smiling, but Brandon’s gaze twinkled with fondness regardless. “That’s why I never thought about quitting. I was literally born to do this job, and if I quit, who would I be? It’s honestly kind of scary, not knowing the answer to that. I’ve never met someone who asked me that.”
“People who really care about you would ask whether you were happy.” The response slipped out from behind my teeth before I could stop it, and fire licked my cheeks when Brandon stared openly through wide eyes. Staring at the pommel of my saddle, I clenched my jaw hard as the quiet rang in my ears just loud enough to drown out my internal screams.
“Sometimes, when I can’t sleep, I think about what my life could be like if I resigned. Maybe, I’d find a good few people I could call friends, and I’d find a girl, and we’d get married and have a whole bunch of kids, and a dog, and a house with a white picket fence. An SUV in the driveway, and a muscle car in the garage, and soccer and ballet, and it’s right in that moment that I realize again that it’s just a delusion.” My breath caught at the sudden turn that beautiful picture took into disaster, and my head whipped up to watch Brandon purse his lips. “Even if I quit, who would see me as more than a bank?”
“I do.” Everything in me wanted to just grab Brandon and kiss him, but I only gripped my reins with white-knuckle tightness. His lips tilted in a faulty smile, his eyes glimmering with resignation, and he only shook his head. “Brandon—”
“Let’s race to the other side.” Just like that, he tapped his heels and surged forward, and I automatically did the same.
But I had never felt so far away from him.
ChapterEight
BRANDON
