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“You’re right!” Shoving my palms against Brandon’s chest, I couldn’t hold my emotions in anymore, and huge, fat tears ran ruts down my face. He stumbled out of the room, but I pushed him again, and he fell back onto his ass as my voice wrenched from my throat. “It’s me! It’s my fault! All of this— it’s all my fault! Well guesswhat! I’ll just fucking kill myself! Like father, like daughter! And then,maybeyou’ll finally fucking understand!”
He started crawling back, his eyes reddening, but I kept on pushing Brandon as my screaming echoed through the quiet, empty halls. Being in this place was maddening, and I flung out my arms at him as I broke under the immense weight.
“You think I don’t feel stupid enough! You think I don’t feel bad enough! You think I’mhandlingthis! Do you know how many times I tried and tried— but every time, all I thought about was losing you! How would you feel if I just fucking cut myself open! Because I’ll tell you what I’d feel! I wouldn’t feela single fucking thingbecause I’d bedead! Dead! And ourbabywould be deader than dead! And you wanna know what fucking happens, then, Brandon! Huh! Do you!”
Brandon backed up against the wall, cowering under my onslaught, and my shrieking became hoarser and more strained. His face came so close to mine— or was my face getting closer to his? I couldn’t feel my body even as I watched myself stand over him until our noses were almost touching.
“Do you know what happens? Huh! When I’m dead and buried, and my body is decaying in the ground, do you know what happens! This horrible, wretched, dead thing inside me will be forced out!That’swhat’ll happen!”
“I should’ve killed myself when I found my dad hanging from the ceiling fan! Who’s gonna stop me, now! Who cares! You don’t! All you do is secretly hate me! You don’tloveme! You don’t!”
Powerful arms wrapped me up in a bear hug, and Iscreamed. The world tumbled and grew dim as I kicked out my feet, my throat burning from the horrific wails that echoed down the halls.
“Let me go! Let me go! I’m tired! I’m tired! I just want to die!”
Darkness crept up on me suddenly, and all the energy seeped out of me. The last thing I saw through the gloom was Brandon’s horrified shame. A flash of gold, maybe.
But I was truly, truly tired, and I hoped that I wouldn’t wake up as the abyss called an irresistible siren song.
ChapterTwo
BRANDON
Stroking Katie’s hair gingerly from her forehead, I squeezed my jaw with my free hand to keep my sobs at bay. How could this happen? How could we get to this point? Everything was unraveling, and I couldn’t be more disgusted with myself. What thefuckpossessed me to say such a thing to her?
But none of those questions had answers, and I blinked back my tears hard. My ears rang with Katie’s cries, that she wanted to die— that this was her fault. That Mason and his abhorrent treatment was what she deserved, and that, eventually, I’d realize she was rotten and leave her, too.
“I don’t know how much more of this we can take, Katie.”
She was sedated, but I hoped Katie could hear me— hear the torment that warred in me and how much I regretted what I said. She lookedawful, even worse than simply pent up and frustrated and guilt-ridden.
“I’m so sorry.”
“Apologies aren’t going to do you any good.” Even Nathan, who’d been so suspicious, spoke up with contempt in his voice.
I blanched as it whipped the back of my head.
“You crossed a line, Brandon. It’s a good thing Julia called me and eavesdropped on you.”
“I know that...” My voice scraped against my throat harshly. It felt like I was swallowing stones, and I gulped past the dense lump that clogged my windpipe. “I don’t know why... she was somadand... andbitter...”
“Do you honestly think she has nothing to be bitter about? Everyone, including herself, blames her for being in this mess. Every time you two talk, it ends up in an argument and becomes a pissing contest about who’s got it worse. I was right to be suspicious of her capabilities, but I never thought to question her character. Sheobviouslyloves you, but even worse, sheobviouslyfeels a shit ton of guilt and stress. You can’t even be sure if this is about her dad, either. And who knows what kind of PTSD she has fromthat.Andon top of that, she’s fucking pregnant.”
I winced at every, purposefully more harsh point that Nathan made.
He practically growled out, “The fuck...”
“Before we slept together... she asked me what kind of person chases ghosts.” Now, looking back, I could clearly pick out all the times that Katie wanted to tell mesomethingand chickened out. At my murmur, I peeled back a stray strand of hair sticking to her gaunt cheek. “When I proposed to her, afterward... she asked me if she was wrong? What if everything she did was for nothing based on a contorted notion of someone she didn’t really know? And on that vacation on the yacht... she said she didn’t want everything to be a dream and wake up in a hospital for the criminally insane. That she was so mad at herself that it hurt her...”
“And then, in her apartment, she said it wasn’t my fault that her dad committed suicide, and... So, so many times recently, she tried to tell me something, and I just shut her down.” Sniffling harshly, I wiped my nose and eyes with the cuff of my sleeve and placed a trembling hand on Katie’s bump. “Why did I say that?”
“If she asks for an abortion, I’ll perform it.”
My head snapped up, and Julia shot me the most withering glare imaginable as she entered the room.
“She’s my patient, and if this baby is threatening her life, it’s my duty to remove it. You better figure out what you’re going to do to try to repair this damage, Brandon.”
“She’snotdoing that!” My voice cracked hard, and I jumped from my chair as a vicious shiver ripped down my spine. “I won’t let you! That’s my baby, too!”
