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“You can’t give up, even if she does. Brandon, as long as you’re both alive, there’s hope you can get through this.” Patting me on the back, Julia got up and left me.
I wrapped my arms around my knees tightly. Inhaling through clogged nostrils, I held my breath in flaming lungs and gulped down the dense lump in my throat. Sluggishly climbing up the wall, my legs wobbled dangerously, and I shuffled heavily along the smooth, cold wall back toward her room.
When I finally brought myself to turn the doorknob, after what seemed like an eternity, Katie was staring at the wall. Curled up on the bed, she was small, and shivering, and greasy-haired, strapped to a natal heart monitor and a bunch of IVs. If she truly wanted to die, wouldn’t she just rip them out and stab herself? Wouldn’t she just strangle herself with a tube?
But those thoughts brought me no respite, and I gagged a little at the simple fact that they crossed my mind.
“K-Katie...?”
Nathan’s eyes settled heavily on my back, and I licked my dry lips and cleared my throat harshly. She didn’t move, didn’t acknowledge me, and my heart throbbed painfully against my ribs. “I... I’m sorry. For your dad. For all this. You’re right. I deserve everything you said, and probably more. And— and I’m— I’m just really sorry.”
I sound like I’m twelve. Fuck, I feel like I’m twelve.Ducking my head, I watched Katie from under red, achy eyelids as she slowly, heavily twisted around. Still, hope blossomed in my chest, and I held my breath. My heart started to race, a cold sweat breaking out on my body under my clothes to instantly saturate my shirt.
“Forwhat?” Katie practically spit at me, but absolutely no emotion showed on her face.
The blood drained from my face, went silent in my ears, as the residue of her hatred and disgust and being pent up on this God forsaken island spewed out of her mouth. Flexing my hands by my sides, I managed a strangled breath to attempt to calm myself.
“I apologize for... signing the paper that made your father kill himself.”
Her whole face became red at my trembling confession, and I clutched my hands behind my back. My nails dug into the backs of my palms, sweat making them stick together, but my eyes didn’t waver from hers.
“I’m sorry for enabling Bert and ignoring what he was doing. I should have read the contract. I should’ve abided by the verbal agreement and not trusted that Berthold was telling me the truth about renegotiation. And... I should’ve never tried to escape it by ignoring it and pretending it never happened. And also... I’mso, sosorry that I made you feel like you couldn’t argue about coming here.”
Shame sloshed up my throat, but I knew it paled in comparison to whatever shame Katie’s dad must’ve felt those days leading up to the deal. Berthold may have bullied the man, but I let him. I was the boss, and I ignored highly illegal activities that eventually ended someone’s life.
There was no way to escape it anymore, and I should’ve never tried to do so in the first place.
“I want to go back home. Now.”
My head snapped up, but Katie was facing the wall again, pulling the sheet over her head. Blinking hard, my fingers slipped from the intense tremors in my hands, and my heart threatened to explode.
“Okay— Okay. I’ll contact the resupply crew.”
“No. I want to go home—now.” Her voice crackled harshly, and my relief dampened as Katie physically gagged and shuddered. Before I could even figure out what she meant, Katie threw herself over the side of the bed and threw up all over the floor. The disgustingsplattermade my queasiness return, and uncertainty crept up on my muscles before Nathan shoved his way past me.
“I— I— I’ll go... do that.” Shuffling backwards, my heels didn’t leave the floor, and Nathan rolled his eyes at me as he held Katie’s shoulder and hair. Stepping out into the hallway, I collapsed against the wall and gasped for air. Black spots assaulted my vision, and I clutched at my chest. Blood dribbled down my hand and stained my shirt from where my nails had cut me, but I didn’t feel the pain.
All I felt wasrelief. Tonight had been so long, and I was so tired and emotionally drained. Sliding down to the floor, I closed my eyes and took deep, heaving breaths as a numbness gradually crept up my legs.
ChapterFive
KATIE
“You seriously confessed to murdering people, and he doesn’t even give a fuck.”
Glancing over at Nathan, I scowled lightly through my raw cheeks and stinging eyes.
“What are you gonna do when he realizes that you actively killed people? Once the relief wears off that you’re not gonna leave him, Brandon’s going to think and think, and what answers are you going to have for him?”
“I’ll tell him the truth. I serviced a market. I was contacted by desperate people, and I ended the lives of human scum. One guy was a raging alcoholic and beat his toddler almost to death. Another woman set her teenage daughter on fire for having sex. When the system failed them, they came to me.” My voice was steady, if not soft, and I cleared my throat painfully when Nathan’s eyes narrowed into slits. “You know what happens when you’re ignored and forgotten by the people who’re supposed to advocate for you.”
“Vigilante justice is an ugly color on you, Katie. You saw Brandon as human scum, too, because he’s the reason your father is dead. I get that. I’m not questioning the failure of the justice system. I’m questioning what you think will happen when Brandon realizes you’re a murderer who did worse but holds him to a worse standard.”
I bit my bottom lip hard, tearing my eyes off Nathan to stare at a wrinkle in the blanket. Rubbing my bump underneath, I only shook my head after a short moment when nothing magically popped into my head.
“How did it start?”
“I was nineteen, and Mason said that I needed to learn a different kind of resolve if I was going to get revenge for my dad. That’s what he always said... my dad deservedjustice. He didn’t even know my dad. It’s not like we talked about him or anything.” Against my palm, I could feel my baby moving, and a deep crease formed between my brows as memories floated behind them. “It was horrible. This woman’s husband had tried to kill her and almost succeededtwice. She had no hair— he shaved it off when she tried to leave him. She looked like she hadn’t eaten in a long time. She was bruised all over. Mason found me the most wretched, horrible-looking person and said... ‘The man that did this deserves to die.’ and looking at her... made memad.”
