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Everyone kept sayingthat— talk, discuss,communicate... but what did that even mean? How was I supposed to talk when I couldn’tfucking think? How was I supposed to listen when all I heard wasyou’re the common denominatoranddivorce? When did things slow down? When did my head stop spinning? When did I stop feeling sick and wasted?
“I guess so.” I mean, what else was I supposed to say?Give up.That’s good. I was just going to give up, and whatever happened... happened.
ChapterEight
BRANDON
Staring at the large tv mounted on the wall, I pressed my knuckles as far down my throat as they could go. On the screen, Katie was decked out in full costume, acting so passionately, sohealthy-looking. All I could see when I blinked was her, red-eyed, gaunt, her breath always shaky and shallow, and always on the brink of becoming dust. The difference was stark, and I sat back to stretch my legs before my thick blood started throwing clots that my heart couldn’t handle.
“Brandon—”
Holding up my free hand, I held my breath as Nathan threatened to enter my peripheral vision. On the tv, Katie was in the middle of a verbal argument with another actor, and she wasfierce.Her eyes blazed, her body rippling with power, but I’d muted the sound.
“Brandon—”
“Not now, damnit!”
My rasp snapped through the room like a whip, and I tensed when Nathan snatched the remote to turn off the tv. Glaring up at him, I opened my mouth to argue, but he held out a phone, the cord straining and taut. Turning to snatch the phone, I closed my eyes and took a deep, stabilizing breath before speaking into the receiver.
“What is it?”
“Bert’s back, and he brought a friend.” The hairs on the back of my neck stood up at the anxiety thrumming through the line, and Audra shuddered a sigh. “I don’t know who this guy is. Nothing comes up when I search him anywhere— evenGoogle! Berthold says he’s a new consultant brought on because of the chaos right now in the company, but he didn’t consultmeon a new consultant!”
“What’s his name?”
Audra started rustling around, and I heard a door shut over the line. Standing up to walk over to the phone receiver on the wall, I held my breath as anxiety curdled my blood. Shutting the door and locking it, I leaned on the wall to frown behind my palm.
“Audra, what’s his name?”
“Uh-h... it’s John. John Grasp... why does that sound familiar?”
Closing my eyes, I raked my brain as Audra’s question mimicked the one circling behind my eyes.
“I’ll keep an ear out, but I just... I can’t remember. It’s right on the tip of my tongue.”
“Okay— Okay. Just forget that for a moment. What about Bert? You were supposed to lock him out two days ago. Why does he have the authority to bring in this new consultant? What did you do to stop him?”
“I don’t have the power to stop him, Brandon. I tried to tell you. Only you have the power to fire him. I’m just your secretary. I’m no different than the secretary who fields phone calls downstairs in the lobby.”
The blood drained from my face at that, and Audra’s sigh got sharper.
“I tried to tell you that I couldn’t do anything about anything concerning Bert, but you just hung up on me.”
“Shit. Okay. I’m coming back in a few days. Call me ifanythingabout this guy comes up. And let me know what they talk about. What else?” I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder to rub my face roughly.Just what I need. Bert going stupid. A few months. That’s all I needed was a few months, and he can’t even do that.
“I mean, other than the creepy, new guy, nothing else has really happened besides that. Everything’s on track, and my back’s not acting up. That’s all. The day to day machinations of the drones don’t concern you, and you once said it yourself— being the boss is boring. I think you need to focus on what’s going on there. I have this handledin my capacity, and if I need help, we have a Chairman that’s more than capable. If you want Bert fired, though, you’ll have to do it when you get back.”
“Yeah. Yeah, it’ll be number two of my list of things to fix when I get back.” This time, I waited for Audra to hang up on me. Hanging the phone on the hook, I banged my head on the wall firmly. “FuckingBerthold...”
Berthold was going to be the death of me. I should’ve taken all those chances to fire him years ago. I knew he was a rotten piece of garbage long before we ever even worked together, but I couldn’t let go of my insecurities.Wrong. I couldn’t let go of a scapegoat... someone I could blame for my mistakes when things went wrong.
“Okay.” Inhaling deeply through my nose, I held my breath as I tried to stop the quakes that rattled my bones. Glancing over at Nathan, I reached a trembling, clammy palm to rub my face, but he wasn’t watching me. On the television, Katie hopped on a horse, and memories struck me like blows to the head.
The first time we’d kissed was when I took Katie horseback riding. It was our firstrealdate, and aside from that slightly awkward conversation on the way up about our moms and me quitting my job... I thought it went really well.
“People who really care about you would ask whether or not you’re happy.”Her words from so long ago rang against my skull, beat against the backs of my eyes, and I pursed my lips thinly. Leaving the room, I swept back my hair and sniffed hard through my headache. The compound felt like a prison, and I glanced around as all of Katie’s complaints from being stuck roaming these halls swelled my head.
Knocking softly on her door, I cracked the barrier open, and Julia glanced up from her magazine out of the corner of my eye. Katie was asleep— it seemed like all she did was sleep or wallow in bed.And, really, what should I expect...?Guilt clawed at my throat, and I bit my bottom lip as goosebumps blanketed my body under my clothes.
