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Blair has told Giselle Cosgrove about me. Asupermodelknows who I am. I shake my head to get rid of my overwhelmed thoughts. “Yeah, that’s me.”

Giselle Cosgrove only has the door open a crack, so I can’t see inside their house as I slowly start back up the steps. “Um, she doesn’t want to talk to you. I’m sorry.”

I will tell Blair that I’m going to group therapy, even though I’m terrified of getting a similar reaction to how Jennifer had behaved, just because that’s how badly I want to talk to her.

“Please, I just need like… three seconds.”

Giselle Cosgrove looks apologetic. “You should go be with your family. Nice to meet you, Damascus. And… Merry Christmas.”

“No, wait! Please!” I try to call out. “Blair!”

But I’m too late. Giselle Cosgrove closes the door and locks it.

Standing out here, alone and cold in the snow, I think back to last year’s Christmas. With Jennifer.

She had told me she wanted it to be a normal family event for once. She said that we shouldn’t do any plotting or scheming, and just have a good time. But I hated her family. I didn’t want them to sit around and enjoy their Christmas. I thought they were terrible people who had horrible opinions of what the world should be like.

So, ignoring her request, I got drunk and started a debate with her father at the dinner table. It ended up getting so heated, the entire family getting involved, that Jennifer’s father lunged across the table at me and grabbed me by the collar. Food flew everywhere, and everybody screamed. Jennifer was furious!

So now, it’s been two Christmases in a row that I’ve ruined. All on my own.

I slowly walk away from Blair’s house, knowing I will probably just make it worse if I try to knock again.

I can’t believe it. For the first time in my entire life, I am going to be alone for Christmas.

25

BRENNAN

Idon’t get it. Leah had been the one who asked me to stay with her last night. She had been wasted, but shewantedme to stay there and take care of her. I held her hair back while she puked into her toilet. I even tried to lay her on the couch, cover her with a blanket, leave her a glass of water, and then go home, but she had specifically asked me not to. So, I didn’t.

Even Henderson’s is closed on Christmas, and I don’t really feel like I’m welcome at home, so I’ve just been wandering around outside in the freezing cold for the past hour and a half. I’ve pulled my phone out and gone to text Leah about a dozen times—now that I have her number—but then I stop myself. She had been furious at me this morning. I’m pretty sure I’m probably the last person she wants to hear from.

I walk to the park in my neighborhood and notice that the picnic table under the gazebo doesn’t have any snow on it, so I head over and take a seat. Again, I pull my phone out and compose a text to Leah.

Then again, I erase it.

Before I can put my phone back in my pocket, it starts ringing, and my mom’s number crosses the screen.

I answer with caution. “Hello?”

“Brennan, honey, where are you right now?” Mom asks me.

“I am… around,” I reply.

She sighs heavily. “For the love of God, Brennan, can you please come home? It’s Christmas.”

My stomach twists. “I don’t feel like that’s a good idea,” I slowly explain.

“We might be having our differences right now, but you are still family. And you should be with yourfamilyon Christmas. I don’t want to hear any other excuses, Brennan. I’ll see you soon.”

She hangs up on me, so I don’t even have a chance to reply.

“This cannot end well,” I say under my breath as I get up from the table and put my phone away.

* * *

When I get to my parents’house, I try to let myself in quietly, hoping that maybe they won’t even notice. As much as I don’t enjoy the thought of spending time with them right now, Idoenjoy the thought of being in my warm, comfortable bed. I’m not hungover or anything—I had hardly even drank last night because I was afraid I would make an ass of myself in front of Leah’s family—but after standing outside in the cold for so long with a too-thin jacket, being cozied up under some covers sounds like just what I need.

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