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I’m not exactly sure why I’m here, because Eliza is hard at work preparing for an oncoming fashion show—she’s running around her mansion like a maniac and keeps leaving me alone with Shawn.
“I’m guessing you’ve been mad at me, too,” Shawn says to me in the living room. He is sitting on his recliner, and I am on the sofa.
“What do you mean?” I ask, my hands on my knees and my posture still.
“Well, I’m sure Liza told you about Christmas.”
“She did. I’m the one who convinced her that you didn’t mean what you said.” He had told Eliza he wanted a divorce. I knew it wasn’t true. He was being irrational.
Shawn nods his head. “I’m glad she had you there in Quincy to comfort her,” he says. Then the look he gives me is so intense that my heart begins hammering, and my stomach feels like it might fly out of my butt.
Does he know?
I don’t think Eliza would have told him what happened between us in my hometown, but that doesn’t mean that Shawn couldn’t have deduced the truth on his own.
“Well, you’re welcome,” I say. This feels all wrong. Normally, I would be joking around with him and calling him Shawnie. Now I don’t know how to act. Maybe I should stop considering trying to break into the acting industry because, clearly, I am no good. It’s a wonder that my act with Steve is working at all. Steve could ruin me. He could ruin Eliza. We both know it.
And I’m terrified that no matter what lies I spew, no matter how I treat him and follow along with his blackmailing plot, he still might tell the world the truth.
“I’m welcome?” Shawn asks.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’ll be right down!” Eliza yells from somewhere upstairs.
I look at Shawn. “Yeah. Because she was hysterical. You hurt her, and she was close to believing that you were being truthful. You could have lost her forever, Shawn. Is that what you want?”
I know what I’m doing is sowrong.
I already struggle to understand what Shawn is saying when he’s trying to speak normally, so I can barely make out a word as he stutters nervously. The only thing I get is, “No.”
The next thing I tell him is because I know it’s true. It doesn’t matter what I want. Love isn’t about that. It’s about what the people you love need. “Eliza loves you. She’s not still with you because she has to be. You clearly have a lot of other people who can take care of you. She is still with you because she wants to be.” Then I stand up. I can’t stand being alone with him right now. “I’m going to go see if she needs help.”
My heart is aching. It feels as if it’s tearing. Tearing because of my own words. Because of the truth of it all.
Shawn doesn’t do anything except stare at me as I leave the room.
He and Eliza are supposed to be together. And as much as I want to be with her, all I am doing in the long run is causing more harm than good to everyone around me.
What I’ve done is wrong. Being here now is wrong. I need to do better.
What the hell is the matter with me?
35
BRENNAN
Ican’t consciously be okay about Selena being with my horrid older brother. Besides, it’s about time I finally apologize.
So, when one of Derek’s important football games is going on at the stadium, I get in my car—after making sure my employees will be okay at the shop without me for a bit—then I head to Derek and Selena’s gated house once more.
This time, when I pull up to the entrance, I am a little more cautious to see if there are any lookers nearby, but since Derek is at the game, no one is around. I park the car in the circular driveway and get out, my stomach twisting with nervousness. When I walk up the porch steps and knock on the iron door, I mutter my rehearsed speech.
Slowly, the door creaks open. Selena is wearing long sleeves, long pants, and long socks. She looks tired, and as if she’s trying to cover it up with makeup.
“Brennan?” she asks. “What are you doing here?”
I begin choking. Suddenly, I don’t remember a single thing I had planned to say to her. “Uh… Derek—I just—I talked to Leah. You don’t know who she is. But—” I pause for a moment.Get it together!
Her eyebrows clash together understandably. I’m not making a word of sense. “Derek isn’t here,” she points out.
