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I shake it off and walk over to sit down at the table. “Thanks for your half-sincere concern,” I say.
She finishes getting everything ready, then we serve ourselves our plates, and we sit at the table, pushing my work stuff aside, and together, we enjoy a quiet, peaceful meal. Derek isn’t brought up again.
5
DAMASCUS
Six months ago…
Idon’t even want to be at this stupid support group right now. There’s absolutely no point in it.
No, wait, I take that back. There’sonepoint—so I can yell at everyone and help explain to them how pointless this all is, too.
“You okay, Damascus?” the leader asks me about ten minutes into the session. Apparently, she can see the hate in my eyes.
“You don’t look so good,” Terrance comments.
I cross my arms and extend my feet out in the crappy, old folding chair I’m sitting in. “Oh, you know,” I start with a shrug. “Just dandy. Except for the fact that this group is fucking stupid, and there’s no reason for any of us to be here.”
Some people gasp. The support group leader tilts her head and stares at me like a concerned mother, even though she can’t even be that much older than me. What makes her want to do this stupid job, anyway? Does it even pay well? Does she even meet the correct qualifications? What is she supposed to do when someone like me comes in and has a meltdown like this?
“Why do you think you feel that way right now?” the woman asks me, crossing her legs.
“Why do you think?” I snap at her. I’m just so angry that I can’t help it. I know I normally like her. I don’t know why right now, I wouldn’t care if she were dead. “Aren’t you supposed to help tellmethat?”
“Maybe you should step out into the hall and take a second,” Shannon tries. I want to walk over to her and push her off of her stupid chair.
“Damascus, has something happened?” the leader asks.
Her voice is soft and worried now. It makes me stop for a second. It’s rare that I ever meet anyone who actually cares about me. Jennifer had been the only one I thought did. But as it turns out, everything about Jennifer had all been a lie. No one cares. What’s the point of being alive if no one even cares whether you exist?
I stand up. “This class is complete bullshit,” I say darkly. “You’re all lying to yourselves if you think it’s helping anything. It’s not. You’re all doomed, or you’re all doomed to lose someone. Just accept it and move the fuck on.” I stomp out of the room. Normally, my boots don’t make much noise when I walk, but it’s so dead quiet after my outburst that everyone can hear every single one of my steps as I leave.
6
GISELLE
I’m worried it’s going to feel weird when I go hang out with Eliza next. After the charity gala, I almost didn’t even expect her to want to reach out to me again. She seemed so thrown off by the fact that I have a boyfriend now. She seemed completelyuncomfortable just being around me at all. I was just beginning to think that our secret kiss had ruined our relationship. I spent days hitting myself on the head, wishing I could take it all back.
I love Eliza as a person. I don’t ever want to not have her in my life. I was fine keeping her as a friend. I hadn’t even been the one who kissed her! Did I think about it?Yes. But I didn’t do it. I didn’t want to hurt Shawn like that. Idon’twant to hurt Shawn like that. Especially not when the poor guy has ALS and will soon be confined to a wheelchair.
Ugh, sometimes I just feel like I’ve made such a mess of things.
But at least it’s not totally ruined.
Eliza has invited me out to lunch. So, here I am, sitting on the patio of this incredibly adorable café in LA. All the tables and chairs are made of white wood, and there are cute yellow umbrellas with white stripes over every table. The centerpiece is always a small bouquet of red roses. It looks like something out of a fairytale story.
When Eliza sees me, she’s waves, but I can’t exactly tell what her expression is because she has on her giant sunglasses, and her bodyguards are almost blocking my view. When she is safely at the table in front of me, she finally takes off the shades.
My stomach has been in knots since yesterday morning when she first invited me, but when I look at her sweet, casual smile, I instantly feel more at ease. Things don’t have to be weird. We can just resume our friendship as if nothing ever happened. I know we can.
“Hi, love what you’ve done with your hair,” Eliza starts off by telling me. “Is it lighter, too, or just shorter?”
I giggle. “Oh, all I did was trim it.”
Leave it toherto notice when I got barely half an inch trimmed from my mane. But her noticing it is also just letting me know that she clearly pays attention to details. That she pays attention to what I look like and notices when I make changes. But I shouldn’t think too hard about that, should I?
A waitress comes by looking like she’s doing everything in her power not to burst out into an excited scream. It makes me wonder which one of us she’s obsessed with, and if she had to ask one of her coworkers to take this table instead of them. “What can I start you lovely ladies off with to drink today?”
