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And as horrible as it sounds, I am relieved that the thing she wanted to talk about was Shawn. Maybe we will never talk about the kiss ever again.
It’s for the best.
It has to be.
“Well, he told me he wants his own bedroom in the house. That he doesn’t think we should have to sleep in the same bed, in the same room, when his new bed gets put in. And he’s spending a bunch of his time locked up in his studio, even though I know he’s not painting anything. I’ve tried to check on him before, but he told me to never interrupt him when he’s in his studio and didn’t open the door, so I had no choice but to leave him locked alone in there. It was quite terrifying, actually. What if something had happened to him? How would any of us have gotten to him? I feel like a complete bitch, but I almost want to have all the locks removed around our house. At least on the inside.”
“That’s tough. Andcompletelyunfair of him. But I know he loves you, and you know he loves you, too. Maybe he just needs some time.”
“That’s what I thought about his kids, but he’s had the diagnosis for quite some time now, and he still hasn’t wanted to see or talk to them.”
“Why does he like to hang out with me?” I can’t help asking.
“Because you’ve only known him like this. He’s partial to people who only met him after his diagnosis. He feels like he can be more himself around them. He doesn’t feel like he has to try so hard to be who he was before.”
This info saddens me to my core. Then I’m cut even deeper when Eliza’s eyes well up with tears, a normally rare thing occurringyet againwithin the span of just a few short weeks.
“Not only does Shawn like having you around, Giselle, butIlike having you around, too. I… I need you around.”
It shouldn’t, but her words make me swoon.
“I’m not going anywhere, Liza,” I reassure her.
Dang it, howbadlyI wish I could just stroke her arm. Pat the top of her hand. Bump her foot with mine. But being outside on a patio in LA means free shows for passersby and the paparazzi. And Eliza has to know that I don’t feel for her that way. Even if it’s a lie.
Because I am pretty sure I’m crazy about her.
“I know I have Shawn, but I really feel completely alone.” Eliza takes more big gulps of her drink. She has barely touched her food.
“You’re not alone,” I say. “You are one of my closest friends. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Friends,” she repeats, nodding her head slowly and not looking at me. I’d give anything to know what she’s thinking right now. Could she possibly be thinking about how she wishes we were more? More like I wish we could be, despite everything?
The last thing I want to do is make things harder on Eliza. I just want her to be happy. I don’t want her to have to deal with any more drama in her life. So, I have to be her friend. I canonlybe her friend.
That has to be that. Any more romantic thoughts of Eliza have to flee my mind. I have to be done with my wishes and fantasies.
From this moment on, Eliza and I will remain friends and nothing more.
It’s in both of our best interests.
7
BRENNAN
I’ve tried messaging Leah on Facebook. And Instagram. And even Twitter. In fact, I made a Twitter account just so Icouldmessage her.
I figure—desperate times call for desperate measures.
But she didn’t reply to any of them. She doesn’t want to talk to me, and I’m not really sure I know why.
I know we weren’t exactly close in high school, but I wasn’t mean to her. I do know of a way I could probably get her cell phone number, but I don’t want to completely creep her out, and I don’t really want anybody knowing what I’m up to.
But the thing is, it’s been a couple weeks now since the anonymous post was made about Derek. And since then, more have come out. All of them are anonymous. Some of them claim not to be the same person.
I know some of themhaveto be fake—just people trying to join into the drama. But the more I read about it, the more stressed out I become. I’m not sure what to think. I don’t think Derek would ever intentionally hurt somebody, but I guess I’ve never been the one who’s in a relationship with him. He beat me up growing up, but I figured that was just what older brothers did.
I’ve tried to talk to Derek a few times, but he doesn’t seem interested. He keeps telling me he just has a lot going on, and that he will text me later. But of course, he never does.
