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I chewed on my lip, looking down from the hay loft at the barn floor beneath our swinging feet. The Nathansons were the closest thing my aunt and uncle had to neighbors, and out of pure geography and the fact that we were about the same age, their daughter Peggy and I hung out from time to time. I was smart enough to know that Peggy wasn’t afriend, but there wasn’t a whole of people lining up for that role being so isolated out on the farm, and sometimes, having someone to talk to that wasn’t my uncle, my aunt, or my cousins was a nice break.
Jim and Mary didn’t really like me hanging around with Peggy, for good reason. Peggy was what you’d call a “bad influence” — she wore a bit less than she ought to have, she’d gotten one of those lower back tattoos that she loved showing off, and she smoked cigarettes. In fact, that’s why we were in her barn, so she could smoke without her Ma yelling at her. The latest scandal involving Peggy Nathanson had been a few months before, right after graduation, when her Pa had caught eighteen-year-old Peggy in this very barn with one of the new ranch hands they’d hired for the summer.
I’d been too scandalized to listen to the details when she’d gleefully told me, but I knew it hadn’t involved a whole lot of clothes.
Her folks had thrown a fit, rightfully, and that was the end of Peggy going off to the local state college. Hey, on the bright side, at least I had someone my own age around to talk to, even if shewasa horrible influence.
“Well what was I going to do, go up andkisstwo good looking guys just because they looked at me nicely?”
Peggy snorted. “Who said anything about kissing? If they were as cute as you’re sayin’, I’d have just dropped to my knees and—”
“Okay, okay.” I wrinkled my nose and quickly shook my head.
Peggy laughed. “You know, I was almost looking forward to you maybe finding a way to go to college so you could let loose a little.”
“I don’t need to let loose.”
“Um,please, yes you do. You need to get out there, wear something sexy for once instead ofoveralls—”
“Overalls work perfectly well for work.”
“Farmwork, not the kinda work where you go out to a bar, bat your eyes at some hot cowboy, and then ride him like a bull in the back of his truck in the parking lot.”
I blushed bright red and looked down. “I’m not— I mean, I’m not like—”
“Like me?” Peggy snorted. “Your loss.”
She handed me a cigarette, but I quickly shook my head.
“I mean Goddamn, Jo, how the hell are you nineteen and avirgin? Hell, how do you evenlive?”
I scowled. “I live justfine, thank you very much. I just think there are more important things for me to concentrate on.”
“You’re wrong, there aren’t. What are you, waiting for Mr. Right or somethin’? Jo, I’m telling you, you need to get bullshit like that out of your head. Go find Mr. RightNow, walk up, grab that big cowboy cock right through his jeans and tell him you want him to fuck the virgin right out of you.”
“Peggy!” I gasped, feeling my face burn as she just laughed, choking on her cigarette smoke.
I was immediately regretting telling her about the two handsome cowboys from the day before. And she was wrong, anyways. It’s not like I’d been waiting around for some movie Prince to ride up to the farm and sweep me away. I mean hell, I hadhadurges and all that, it’s just that there’d never been an opportunity. None of the boys in school had ever even remotely interested me, and it’s not like Jim and Mary had the money to hire ranch hands like Peggy’s folks — as if I wouldeverhave done what she had. If the Nathanson’s only kid had been a boy instead of Peggy, well, yeah — I’d have probably seen what all the fuss was about a long time ago.
The fact was, I’d just never been given the option or the opportunity.
“I think I should go.”
“Aww, c’mon, Jo. Don’t be a prude about it.”
“I’m not,” I said primly. “I just have chores that need doing and things to do before I leave.”
“Fine, whatever.” Peggy shrugged. “But hey, when you go to this new job at that guy’s ranch with the two hotties you saw yesterday?”
I paused on the ladder, glancing back at her.
“Do yourself a favor. Find one of ‘em, stop being such a prude, and take him for a ride. You can thank me later.”
I huffed and rolled my eyes, my face getting red all over again as I stomped the rest of the way down the ladder.
5
Johanna
