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What did that mean?
Maybe I was the problem, not someone others wanted to grow close to.
Shade’s massive presence emerged at my side. His dark gaze searched my face before slipping to Trap’s. “What’s going on?” His deep voice only added to the building tension inside me.
Fuck. I’m in so much trouble.
His voice. Trap’s flirty words. These two were driving me insane, each day adding another layer of desire for them. Everything they did made my stomach flip and my heart race.
I wanted them. Wanted to feel their touch in places I shouldn’t, to kiss their lips to see if they were as soft and skilled as I imagined.
“I think I spooked her with my possessive wording.” I shivered beneath Trap’s heavy stare. “She doesn’t want to come between us.” There was something mischievous in his growing smile that I didn’t understand. “Well, sweetheart….” My heart thundered in my chest as he slowly walked around the fire pit, focus locked on me. “That’s why we wanted you to come over tonight, to talk without Grace around. We—”
My panicked words rushed up my throat. “I won’t choose,” I blurted.
It was the truth. I wouldn’t choose between them, ruining their friendship to sate the desire that burned hot and strong for both men. I couldn’t choose. The thought of hurting either made me nauseous with worry and guilt.
I wanted them to be happy even if I wasn’t.
In a short time, these two had wormed their way into my heart, stripped away all my worries, and made me feel wanted. All without saying the words or touching the places that throbbed with desire.
It was wrong to want them both the same way. Maybe my affection-deprived self was now soaking up their attention, willing to get it anywhere I could.
Fingertips skimmed up my spine before curling around the back of my neck. I sucked in a breath, loving Shade’s wide palm pressed against my bare skin, snapping me out of my own spiraling thoughts. With a careful tug that was at odds with his strength, he guided me around the fire pit toward the chair he’d initially situated between himself and Trap.
Once I’d settled into the chair, a bit stiff, terrified of where this conversation was headed, a fresh beer dangled in front of my face.
“We won’t ask you to choose,” Shade offered, placing a hand on either armrest, caging me in. Yet I didn’t feel confined or scared, not with him. The enormous arms that terrified most would only protect me from harm, never cause it. “Just listen to what we have to say.” His features softened with vulnerability. “Please.”
Well, who could say no to that?
“We’ve talked about how much to tell you right off,” Trap said, dragging my attention his way. Elbows pressed onto his knees, he stared into the flames. “The last thing we want to do is scare you off, but there’s so much history in why we are the way we are.” He cut his eyes my way, scanning my face before taking a long drink of his beer. “Shade and I grew up together. Been best friends from middle school. We served together in the military before leaving and working as police officers for years, and….” I watched his throat bob as he swallowed hard. “We’ve found what works for us is sharing.” Again, his hazel eyes found mine. “Everything.”
A breath froze in my lungs, burning the longer I held it as I searched his eyes, looking for any hint of this being a joke, or a lie. Seconds ticked by, only the sound of the logs shifting and popping in the fire filling the silence.
“I don’t understand,” I finally said with a tiny headshake. “Why are you telling me this? And how does it change the fact that I won’t choose between you? That I’d rather keep—”Fuck, I almost admitted to getting myself off with them in mind.“Keep your friendship”—smooth recovery—“than see where this attraction could go?”
“He means,” Shade started, hooking a single finger around my chin, turning my face to where he’d settled along the wide stone rim of the fire pit, “that we won’t make you choose because we don’t want you to.” Another flash of vulnerability softened his normally tight features. “Unless you want to, but it doesn’t sound like you do.”
“And,” Trap drawled, “we’re assuming you want to pursue this beyond the friendship we’ve built.”
I stared at my hands, brows pulling in tight. “This?”
A hot palm seared through my jeans where it sat heavy on my upper thigh. “Are you saying you don’t feel it?” Trap asked, voice deep, almost pained.
Of course, I felt it, but that didn’t mean we could act on it.
“I’m…. Why me?”
At that, Trap flicked his eyes over my shoulder. I twisted in my seat toward Shade.
His hands curled and relaxed along his thighs. “Remember how I told you I had it all and lost it?” I held a breath as he took a long drink of his beer. There was no missing the way he avoided looking my way. Something about the sadness wafting off him had me reaching over and grasping his knee, offering a comforting squeeze. “We had someone once, someone who completed us. She was the glue that held Trap and me together, and then she was gone, died in a car accident. That was three years ago. Three long years.”
“Of me trying to fill that void with booze and women who meant nothing,” Trap added. “And Shade, he just shut down.” As I searched Shade’s face, he nodded, only meeting my eyes for a brief second before flicking away. “You ask why you?” That hand on my thigh slipped even higher, leaving a trail of fire in its wake. “Because the moment we saw you, we both wanted you.” My heart thundered in my chest, and heat spiked in my veins, causing sweat to build along my skin. Suddenly the fire was too much, the sweatshirt too heavy and hot. “But then we got to know you, and we knew.”
“Knew what?” I rasped.
“That we wanted to see how deep this connection went. Together. That’s something we haven’t considered since the accident.” My beer bottle shuddered as I lifted it to my lips. “We’re not asking you to just jump into bed with us.” A breath caught in my throat, disappointment dampening my rising desire. “Just asking you to consider it. See where this goes as long as you’re here. No expectations, but we wanted to tell you all this so you knew that if you get one of us, you get both of us.”
