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I lifted my hands. “Now, you may not want this, but you got it, and I certainly didn’t want this shit.” I laughed, dry. “But guess what? I got it too, and maybe when you’re ready to man up and deal with that, you can come talk to me.”
His growl was low. “We are nothing, Fawn. Zero. Nada, and this relationship? Wasfake.It was bullshit, and just as much work as you, and I’m beyond happy to be rid of it.”
And yet, I still didn’t believe him. I didn’t because he still couldn’t say the words. He couldn’t say he didn’t care.
He couldn’t say he didn’t love.
Ares may not love me, but he certainly didn’t feel nothing. I knew that just as well as the red that crept up the side of his neck. He was trying to justify something.
But I had a feeling that something wasn’t to me.
Nodding, I folded my arms. “And maybe one day you’ll actually believe all that,” I said, and he twitched again. I smiled. “And hopefully, by then, I’ll be over this bullshit too.”
I didn’t want to love him. I didn’t want to care, but since I did, I left to spare my own feelings. This fucker wasn’t going to see me cry on top of everything else.
I think it was safe to say I’d already given him enough of me.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-ONE
Ares
The seasons changed really quick at Pembroke. Sharp winds hit, and before I knew it, I was back home in my own bed for holiday break. The house filled with twinkling lights, my parents’ staff quickly got into transforming our home into the winter wonderland it always was every year. My folks really got into that shit, and it was the first time we’d all be under the same roof since my siblings and I went off to college. My adopted brother was flying back, today actually.
Sitting on my bed with a novel, I let more than one thought play out. My thoughts hadn’t stopped since I’d gotten home, and unfortunately, I didn’t have the distraction of school to keep them away. I continued to think. I continued to stew, and also unfortunately, a few too many of those thoughts revolved around a certain someone. I, of course, had to tell my folks about what happened with Fawn. They wanted updates, and I couldn’t hide from the reality of that with the two-hour distance of school. I had to address things once again like I had with my buddies and Sloane.
I had to deal with it again.
I thought it’d be easier to lie to everyone. I mean, I’d been lying all semester. One more lie should have been easy, but it was hard to see my parents’ disappointment. In fact, they looked the same way Sloane and the guys had once I’d told them I’d cut things off with my fake girlfriend. I had told them all we were different people and things just didn’t work out and had expected a few reactions. I was the guy who prepared for all scenarios, but one thing I hadn’t anticipated was their confusion.
Let alone their remorse.
It was like someone had died, and that morose tone lingered in the house. It was so bad I’d decided to spend the majority of my time in my room since I’d gotten back.
Hence the fucking thoughts.
I shouldn’t have thoughts about Fawn fucking Greenfield. I’d gotten over that shit when I had cut things off, and this had been a necessity. I thought about her and I might change my mind about a few things. They were selfish things and stuff I couldn’t entertain.
For her sake.
Fawn and I weren’t anything. We weren’t because we couldn’t be anything. I’d put a nail in that coffin the minute she’d become a project over a person. She fulfilled a need, and I’d decimated that the moment I allowed us to cross a line. It wasn’t just that I’d fucked her, or we had a good time together. Good fucks came a dime a dozen, a good time the same. That hadn’t been what blurred the line.
“Can’t really say it, can you…”
Growling, I ignored the voice in my head and turned a page in my book. I’d been on the same page for what felt like a goddamn hour, and it took me a second to realize someone knocked on my door. I barked for whoever to come in, but had no idea who was here.
The house should have been empty.
Because it was supposed to be, I put my book down, surprised when my buddy Dorian eased his blond head into my room. He supposedly should have been shopping for Christmas presents with Sloane and my folks.
“Hey,” he said, his football hoodie on and keys in his hand. “Thought I’d pop in on you before I take off.”
“What are you still doing here?” I took his hand, shaking it when he gave it to me. We both shook with a snap before I lay back. “Thought you were out Christmas shopping.”
There wasn’t a place my sister went where he didn’t. The fucker even texted me goodbye when they’d all supposedly taken off earlier.
D’s grin was wiry, and I watched him scrub in his hair before he lounged against one of my bedposts. He shrugged. “Stayed behind. I was in my room watching TV.”
He did still have one at my house, a room. It went unused these days since my parents weren’t trying to provide a hookup spot for him and my sister, but it was still there.
