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“There’s no way we can feel this way so soon.”
His face brightened. “We?
“I meant… Fuck.” I needed to focus on how we’d ended up there. “Are you saying Jones was lying?”
“Before I met you, one possibility was to use your connection to the Russos to take them down. With your consent. It was an option, not anything I was going to force you or trick you into doing. I thought it might be something you’d want to do.”
Something I might want to do, not what my brothers wanted, not what was best for me, but what I wanted.
“I’m a monster, I know that, but I don’t involve people in life-threatening operations if they don’t want to be there.”
I was afraid that continuing to see Ghost was far more life-threatening than our confrontation with Teddy. Was I a fool to listen to him now? “How can I believe you?”
“Because you felt it too. Because you know what happens when we touch each other. You know how deep this goes.”
His eyes held such strong emotion it made me dizzy. Was this real? How the hell was I ever going to know?
“I want to spend the day with you,” Ghost said. “I told Danielson I was taking time off.”
“Okay, but I need to take Mischief back to the barn. She needs to be brushed and taken care of and…” I was babbling. How did he do this to me?
“Go take care of your horse. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
I frowned. “You’re just going to sit here in the field?”
“I’ll amuse myself.”
I let my gaze run down his body, stopping when I reached his crotch. “No amusing yourself until I’m back.”
He grinned. “I guess I’ll have to hope you come back quickly.”
“After today, I think you deserve to wait.”
“I would wait for you for forever.”
I glared at him. “That’s a little much.
“You’re a little much.”
I was in love with him. I’d tried to fight it, but I’d failed. “How did this happen? This thing between us?”
Ghost shook his head. “I have no idea.”
19
GHOST
My heart pounded as I watched Rogue ride away. He looked so hot on horseback. I’d never thought I had a cowboy fetish, never really understood the appeal, but watching Rogue on his horse, seeing the way he moved, the way he seemed so in control, made me want to drag him to the ground and fuck him right there. I wanted him to ride me just like he was riding that horse. I wanted to move in sync with him, to let him take what he needed from me, and to be the support he longed for.
Fuck. I wasn’t just horny as hell; I was in love. What was I going to do?
I lay back in the grass, willing myself to relax. My gut clenched as I thought of how much I’d revealed to him. I’d learned very early on to keep my feelings to myself. If someone knew how a person truly felt, that person was vulnerable. Since I’d gotten old enough to defend myself, I’d never deliberately made myself vulnerable to someone, not until today. But thinking about Rogue leaving, about never seeing him again, hurt even more than opening myself up.
Are you sure? How do you know he wants what you want?
He said he’d be back.
So he wants to fuck again, but does he really care about more than that? If he does, what are you going to do about it? Move to a fucking ranch to be with him? You really think you can handle that?
The sky had seemed so wide and open a moment ago. Now it seemed to be pressing down on me. I felt the tickle of the grass and every lump in the ground. My breaths came quick and shallow, and my hands and feet went numb. Shit, it had been years since I’d had a full-on panic attack. No way in hell was I going to let it happen now
Like you have a choice.
That voice in my head, the one who knew what a shit I was, had been talking to me more and more since I’d met Rogue.
Do you really want him to be stuck with a man like you?
Yes. He was mine. I could be what he needed. I wasn’t broken. I was good at what I did.
I looked around, taking in the trees, the horses in the adjacent pasture, the individual blades of grass next to me, the sound of the birds in the branches and insects on the ground.
My breathing slowed as I grounded myself, and I concentrated on moving different parts of my body one by one. Eventually, I felt calmer, but I was nauseous, and my head was pounding. That was probably coming down from the adrenaline rush of nearly being trampled to death as much as it was my panic.
