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I turn away from him, heart in my throat. Tonight, we won a battle, but we may very well have lost the war.
THREE
Ann
The cave is quiet and awkward. Rayne had kissed me before saying he needed to step out for some air. I wasn't sure if it was because I was exhausted, but the second he left I picked up on just about every emotion in the cave... and the emotions weren't good. Onyx and Dusk seemed to be more angry and jealous than upset after the battle. Part of me wanted to shout at them, to ask them if this is really the time and the place for this kind of nonsense. But another part of me wonders how I would feel if some old mate from their past life came back.
The thought alone makes my teeth clench together. As wrong as it might be, I would never want another woman touching them, being near them in any sort of romantic capacity. At the Royal Fae Academy, Rayne was constantly hit on by other women. They knew I was his fated mate and there would be no one else for him, but they didn't care. They saw me as so far beneath him logically that it might be the one time a mate-bond could be broken. At least, I'm assuming that's what they thought. The thing is, it didn't bother me that much. I knew I wasn't the prettiest, the smartest, or the most powerful. But I also knew that Rayne barely noticed the women, so this rise of jealousy inside of me over a non-existent woman is new to me, and a bit of a hard pill to swallow.
Rubbing the back of my neck, looking between the two men who seem upset, I drink more water from the waterskin I'd been given and eat more of the jerky. My muscles feel tight. My head aches, and my body has that sore feeling that comes after a hard workout. The thought of laying down right now and falling fast asleep sounds amazing, but I close the waterskin and finish the jerky, knowing that no matter how much I might want to rest, there's still more work to be done.
Dusk's wound might be healed, but his chest still has a massive black and blue bruise on it, and I can see him wincing and holding back a groan every time he moves. If I can help him, if I can ease even a little of his pain, I need to. Regardless of the tension in the room.
If I can.
My magic isn’t without limitations. I know it. They know it. And I'm wondering if I can even do more tonight after all I'd already done.
I move closer to Dusk, and he puts one hand up. “No.”
No?Since when doesn't Dusk want me to touch him? Since when does Dusk tell meno?
“Dusk.” I try to keep my voice gentle. "I want to help." I want to ease his suffering. But when he glances at me, there's a fire blazing in his eyes, mistrust where it used to be only trust.
“Are you leaving with him?”
Oh. I thought the men were just upset about Rayne appearing back in my life; I hadn't considered anything after that. But now it's suddenly making a lot more sense. They're afraid I'm going to leave them.
"Just let me try to heal you." I reach for him again, but he jerks back from me, hissing in pain.
Which makes me feel about an inch tall.
He would rather suffer than have me touch him. Rather just lie there in pain if there's any chance that I might be walking away from him and his brothers. But I don't want his healing to be connected to whatever decision I might make in the future. These things aren't connected. Not in any way. And yet, it seems clear he won't let me help until I give him an answer.
Whatever that answer might be.
I’m not dishonest. I can’t be with them. Any of them. So I just speak without thinking. “I don’t know.”
Damn it. Okay, that is definitely an honest answer, but not at all what I meant to say.
I shake my head not as a negative answer, but because I’m confused. I love Rayne. He’s my mate in every sense of the word, but there’s no discounting what I feel for Dusk and Phantom and Onyx.
"That's your answer? You don't know?" Dusk repeats, his expression furious.
Onyx begins signing, and I glance toward him, only picking out a few words, but his movements say it all. He's pissed. More than pissed. And then, he pushes to his feet and stalks out of the cave.
Dusk watches his best friend leave, then his narrowed eyes return to me. “Do you care about us at all?” The question and his tone as he asks it are loaded with emotion, with demand and anger and frustration.
I nod. Of course I care about them! I care so much. And I would die to keep from hurting them, but I can't give him the answer he wants about our future. Not one hundred percent. What if Rayne needs to go back to stay in this body? What if these shadow beasts can't provide him with the care he needs? I could never let him die again, nor would I want to ever just walk away from this fight or these men.
Dusk stares down at his hands and I know he's building to saying more. I try to prepare myself for his words, but I know I can't, because these men can hurt me in a way I never imagined possible. And heal me in a way I never imagined possible too. With a word. With a touch. It's like they're the ones with magic within them.
“You know Rayne coming back doesn't have to be a terrible thing...” I don't know if that's what I should have said, but it feels like it needs to be said.
“Bullshit. The minute he came back something changed.” His voice is edged, sharp, damning.
Anger boils inside of me. It's like these shadow beasts want Rayne to stay dead... a concept I can't imagine them being okay with. What's more, it's like they want me to see my mate returning as a bad thing, which will never happen. “Well, it isn’t me. It’s not how I feel that’s changed.”
“You aren’t glad he’s back?” The accusation is implied. He thinks I’ve used them to pass the time, to make myself happy, to squander their feelings.
